Would it be selfish to uproot my kids because I want to leave?

[geordie_minx]

I'm posting this here because I'm not sure parenting is the right place. I have the chance to transfer to New York with my company and I'd like to go. My daughter is 13, and not keen. My son is 14 and is happy to be here or there.

We did live in New Jersey for 5 years until last August, and had to leave the US because my visa expired. The kids were gutted, but adapted well to being back here in the UK. I, however, did not. We've actually lived abroad for 8 years, and now I feel like I don't 'blend in' back in the mother country. The big plus for me of being back in England is that I love the people here, and my family is all here. The big minus is that I think the country has changed for the worse since I left - or maybe it's me that's changed, who knows.

Anyway, I need to decided ASAP whether to go back to America or not and I don't know what to do for the best. Should I go because it's what I want to do, or should I stay here and do my utmost to adapt because of the kids. I'm not asking anyone to decide for me, because you don't know me, but any thoughts and / or advice will be much appreciated.

[PinkFizz]

Would this be a permanent job,and if you have a partner what do they think about all this??

[Bohne]

You are right, in the end it will have to be your decision.

I wonder, though, if you really want to start all over AGAIN.
Is that not getting tiring?

I lived in England for 6 years and absolutely loved it.
Because of personal problems I returned to Germany, and had a really hard time adapting.
Now, 9 years later, recently it looked like my husband had to go back to the States and I hated the thought of leaving all the friends I made in the last decade and starting all over again.
The move was postponed for the time being, thank God!

I think it gets more and more difficult to make a new start, the older you get.
Whereever you go, the people you meet will have their lives and friends all set up, and usually, you never fit in like you did with your old friends (at least not for quite a while).

[Beanmistriss]

Ask your kids what they think too. At 13 and 14 they're bound to have an opinion. I'm not saying that you should let them make the decision but just ask what they think.

[geordie_minx]

Thanks for your responses.

Pink - No partner, so I only have to think about me and the kids.

Bohne - I don't view my move back the US as a new start. My return to the UK was more like a new start because I went to a new town and I found, like you say, that people were already in established friendships. A lot of my old friends had their own new circle of friends, and I became Tracy No Mates! I kind of hope that in going back to America I can pick up where I left off after a relatively short time away. And people keep telling me how adaptable kids can be so I shouldn't worry too much about them. But I can't help it. What else are mothers supposed to do.

[geordie_minx]

Beanmistriss - I did ask my kids. To tell the truth, we've talked about this every day for the last three weeks. I even had them make a list of pros and cons of living in each country. My son had no cons, and pros for both. He says he would be happy living anywhere as long as he has his friends and his football. My daughter is worried about going back to school in America. They both attended school there for five years, and have both said that the work in the English schools is easier.

I just had a long chat with my current boss, and he told me that it's an excellend opportunity for me and the kids. Obviously the short term will be hard, but future opportunities, particularly for the kids, will be much better than here (and by that he means London because that is where I work now).