Getting dumped!

[Headless Rat]

i know for a fact that im getting dumped later this evening so does anyone have any advice as to how to conduct oneself while the dumping is in process??!!Question anything you don't really believe?Sit there and say nothing till it's over?Try to talk about the problems and rectify the situation if at all possible?Went out with him for a year if that makes any difference...

[mountainboo]

Dump him first

[Surreygirl30]

poor you and a year is a long time (well by my standards ha ha) i dunno i guess if it was me i would want to know why and see what he says. I always like to end with guys as friends but sometimes its never easy. I think its one of those situations where you cant predict how you will react as it all depends on how you feel when the emotions kick in. Also depends how bothered you are to break up. Hope it isnt too bad for you and try and be calm and all that (easier said than done). good luck :-)

[crete]

dont put yourself in the position to be dumped make other arrangements.

[Taz70]

How come you definitely know you're getting dumped later? Does it come out of the mouth of someone else or do you just get that feeling?

If you definitely know, I wouldn't meet up tonight, leave him to stew for a bit. You never know, he might change his mind. If that's what you want, that is.

[azif]

Am I missing something here....how do you know you are definitely getting dumped tonight?

If you are I guess you need to ask yourself what things would stop you from moving on. If its knowing why he's dumping you then ask it and hopefully this will make it easier to move on to better things.

[azif]

Snap!!! Taz lol

[Kim A]

If you know in advance (and that's a weird situation to be in, for a start) that this person is going to dump you, why are you letting yourself be that bothered by a man who lets others know before you - I'm assuming you've heard of his intentions from a third party? He sounds a toad, and unworthy of your consideration, one year on or not. How disrespectful and ungentlemanly of him. Shame on him, is what I say!. If it were me about to be dumped, and if I knew about it before it was going to happen, I'd get in there first - ring him and tell him you're saving him the bother of dumping you, and he's dumped. No discussion, no questions, just a bald statement of the case. Whatever the perceived problems, this is no way to behave.

[suffragette]

I agree with mountainboo. If you know for a fact the end is nigh, pre-empt him and finish with him first and do something more enjoyable with the evening.

It may not seem the mature thing to do, but are we really expected to show a stiff upper lip at these times? If someone is going to dump you, do you really need to know exactly why? In reality, you probably know his reasons, but may be exhibiting a little bit of denial, which is perfectly normal at these moments.

It's also my experience that people seldom tell the real reason for dumping a partner and offer up a sanitised, rational and seemingly caring reason, when in reality they may simply be bored and fancy a change.

[Headless Rat]

its not that i heard it from someone else or anything...i just have a feeling because ive been hearing from him less and less and whenever we meet up itsonly at my suggestion.he always meets me mind you, but now always waits for me to do the asking. then, when he does come out, the first thing he says is "ive to go be somewhere at X time so i cant stay too long". Now he's suggested a meeting tonight and i know no good can come of it really. i dont want it to end because i know a lot of the problem is that i never really let him know how i really feel about him and id say he thinks i dont really care about him that much.i was just too afraid to let him know in case he freaked out i guess.i know you'll all say "tell him how u feel "etc but i reckon atthis stage he'll have his mind made up and no amount of back tracking on my part will change it. :(

[Headless Rat]

mmm yes W-M, perhaps i should have sent him a telegram

[Headless Rat]

Oh,I agree wholeheartedly. Still, theres no joy in knowing you're going to end up regretting not having done/said something which could have been prevented this situation and, needless to say, not being afforded the luxury to turn back time.

[sair5412]

Play it really cool. Listen to what he has to say, agree if you agree and put your points across if you feel you want to. You can even be cool whilst telling him you do like him more than he realises and maybe you should have told him earlier, but that is the situation and if he still wants to give it a go knowing this then you would like to as well. If he'd rather finish it now, then tell him that is his choice. What ever you do, DO NOT BEG! At the end of it what ever the outcome, he will respect you for being honest and calm about the situation. Even if you are screaming inside!! Most guys hate it when girls cry and act all desperate and that usually pushes them away. Sometimes telling them how you feel but acting cool, calm and collected can make you all the more desirable to them. Let us know how you get on! (P.s- I would only act like this if I was in the process of being dumped, not all the time, otherwise he'll think you're an ice-queen!!)

[Headless Rat]

Thanks Sair52,thats really good advice. Don't worry, i won't get all emotional!not my scene at all!Think I must be perceived as a bit of an ice-queen if you think telling him, in a reasonable voice without getting all gooey, how much i like him is being one!oops!

[fawna]

When would you beable to tell him you cared anyway? On one of the meetings that you've arranged yourself. Perhaps you care for him not only more than he knows but more than he cares.

[happygam]

Hold your head up high...smile and say that you were thinking the same - he saved you the job, try not (hard i know) to get upset..until you get home, or get with friends then cry your heart out all you want - but don't give him the satisfaction!! Best of Luck...

[admarlow]

Ill go out with you x x x x

[Headless Rat]

Ah Admarlow, I'm a bit of an ice-queen! DOn't mean to be but ain't that good about telling people,especially the ones that matter themost to be-even my parents, how I feel about them. Whats the point in that?!You'd nearly think I was English with the stiff upper lip ;)

[Champagne]

Relationships are very strange things. Here's you waiting to go through the process of being rejected and all I can think is 'Why?'. I just wouldn't let myself be put through it. But then I don't take rejection very well.

If you absolutely must go along with this tonight then I would have to agree with sair and let him take the lead. He's called the meeting, so let him run it. If he does end with you, then all you can do is admit that you saw it coming and then explain why. But if you think you may cry tonight, then you really shouldn't put yourself through it, in which case call the meeting off.