Domestic Violence - your opinions on my situation

[BillyNoMates]

On Friday I was was physically assualted by my partner (female).

I did what I thought was right at the time and called the Police. As a result she was arrested and spent the night in the cells. She was cautioned for the offence.

I have spent months building up our home for both her and her 14 year old son and 16 year old daughter.

I now stand to lose everything that I have provided - the majority of the furniture etc. simply because I feel that the relationship is unsustainable in light of events. We are not able to be joint tenants of the home because of rent arrears in the past on her part - before I moved in.

Therefore, I basically don't have any legal status in terms of living here.

Whilst the Police were highly professional, I took their advice in not pressing charges on the basis that a night in a Police cell would be a sufficient wake up call.

I feel distraught about things and have no-one to talk to about it. I would therefore, welcome some advice.

[dot.hawkes]

Walk away, leave her to it, you deserve better.

[BillyNoMates]

Well yes - that is an option which I had considered. But this is my home, I don't have anywhere to go.

[willa]

BillyNM, you're in one heck of a tough spot, but please realize that's not your home. Your home is where you are safe, cherished and respected.

You've had one heck of a wake-up call. You can always get more things. Just leave. Look at things for how they are, not how you'd like them to be. It seems like you've spent a lot of time caring for others. Now take care of yourself.

[garythecat]

I think you need to walk away from this relationship. Material possessions mean nothing next to your feeling safe and not walking an eggshells. You deserve someone who will respect you and love you not abuse you. It will happen again. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[PinkFizz]

Don't know if this will help but here goes:

I met my ex when he had a council house and after a while together he put me on the tenancy.His violent streak soon came through and after 4 years he was given an injunction to not return to the house even though his name was still on it.As he had nowhere to go he went to the council who put him for a few weeks in a b & b,then a flat,and now he is in a very nice 3 bed house with garden.And they took his name off my tenancy.

I think if you ring the council and explain your predicament they will be very sympathetic.Please let us know how you get on.

[Siamsal]

I think it true to say that once this sort of thing starts, it generally goes on to become worse. You know her, we don't, what do you think the future holds? More of the same? Or was this out of character?

[janetsflower]

You don't say whether you want there to be a future with her or not, or whether you still love her. If you do then maybe she would see a counsellor or you could go to RELATE together to help her overcome the problems. If you can discuss with someone else why this has happened then maybe its something you can overcome. Is this the first times it has happened or the final straw? Was it an unprovoked attack or had you done something to cause her to get this angry

[Bohne]

How long have you been together?
Has she been violent before?
Is she violent towards her children?
Why do you feel you have to leave ALL the furniture, if you move out?
(You bought it, it's yours...)

[spk]

Pysical or mental abuse is very wrong, whether it be to a man or woman and should never be accepted. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and walked away eventually. I was like you, had knowhere to go but stayed with friends kipping on floors until I got myself sorted and bought a new flat. I didnt have anything when I left, I just left it all, didnt get money from the house and worked it all back up myself. I was 23 at the time, Im a woman and I had no family around me to help. If I can do it anyone can. At the end of the day, whatever you ultimately decide, you deserve to be happy and dont need abuse like that. Best of luck mate. x

[Goodsoulette]

You can make a homeless claim to ANY local council, stating that you are fleeing domestic violence, if your main worry is having somewhere to go. They have to house you, probably b&b. They can help you rent privately or through them. Shelter can really help you out with this.+

[crete]

billy if you search the internet you will locate sites for males who are subjected to domestic abuse from partners and im sure they will give you some advice good luck.

[netibiza]

Billy nomates this hapened to me 37yrs ago only in reverse (I am the female) I walked away from my home, and believe me my life started again only much better this time. I do think sometimes of the lovely home I left and the material things, but I now have a super husband and would probably have ended up dead had I stayed in the other relationship. Chattels can be replaced.