partner viewing porn

[B.Bee]

I am 6 months pregnant and throughout my pregnancy I have had a higher sex drive, however due to my partner working long hours to prepare us for baby, he's is alot lower, i am really struggling to cope emotionally as i feel angry he does this when I am here, any advice, please

[gerkin]

The imagination can be far more pornographic than any magazine / web site, so I personally dont see a problem

[WaldoMcFroog]

Perhaps your partner is worried that having sex may harm the baby. It is known to be a common fear for many men (even if it is completely unfounded).

Men can feel very helpless during pregnancy as they are a bit of a spare part and know it. This may make him feel a bit inadequate.

There could be a number of reasons why this is, but perhaps you could try and explain how you feel without getting angry at him, and ask him if he can talk through his behaviour too.

[makemesmile]

I can understand exactly how you feel. At such an emotional time of your life, knowing your husband is looking at 'other women' is making you feel upset and a little ignored.

But you have to remember that men view porn a bit differently to most women. Whilst women are generally stimulated by emotions/feelings, men are a bit more 'visual'. And sometimes, when a man needs a 'quick release' (thru maybe being tired, stressed) rather than the full blown making love, he'll find it more 'convenient' to look at pictures and please himself.

That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or desire you any less. Maybe you need a bit more quality time together. Talk to him, maybe instigate a few more cuddles/hugs. But don't confront him and turn it into something shameful, that wont help either of you.

Good luck x

[Octavius]

Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. If you would prefer that he doesn't do this when you are there, then make that clear. It probably won't stop him, but at least if he knows exactly how you feel there can be no illusions and he may be more sensitive to your situation.

[suffragette]

I appreciate your concern, but unfortunately some men are turned off when their partners get pregnant and if he is working hard, his sex drive will be diminished. However, he is being quite thoughtless and uncaring if he is watching porn whilst you are becoming increasingly frustrated. You need to have a calm chat about his behaviour and your needs and reach a more mutually satisfying compromise.

My husband was the opposite. For some reason, the size of my expanding belly, boobs and bum made him horny as hell and he regularly raced home from work early. There's no accounting for men's tastes!!

[B.Bee]

I just want to say thanks for all your answers, all your comments have helped, I guess I just have a natural instinct that he shouldnt have to look elsewhere, it wouldnt be so bad if my sex drive was opposite, i'm hoping it will change and drop when i am enormous!!

[cascarelli]

Isn't it possible to incorporate some sex play while he's watching porn? I dont know the ins and outs (ahem!) of when and how he's doing it but maybe if you gave him a helping hand (so to speak) it might stimulate things between you and he may leave the porn behind and get more interested in you again.

Just a thought that it might be better if you enjoyed it together somehow rather than having a confrontation about it?

[nat_84]

At the end of the day... men will be men...

Most men look at porn - with or without a pregnant girlfirend...so i wouldnt see it as a personal insult to you.

Im sure my boyfriend still does now and then.... Nuts magazine and FHM are just as bloody bad too.

Hope the pregnancy goes well.x

[Quizmonkey]

I'm with Nat: men like porn. Full stop. It has no bearing on whether they're in a relationship, or the quality of that relationship. Most would never even see a connection between looking at / w8nking to porn and having sex with their partner.

[jno]

men do like porn, but indulging when your partner is there - but not together, even though you want him - seems rude to the point of insulting. It may need a discussion with him (not a thing men are famous for); perhaps he's scared of pregnancy, or doesn't like seeing women expand, or whatever. But it seems to me he's being callous towards you at a time when he ought to be extra attentive. I'm not sure this is a good sign. Just how does he feel about the baby?

[B.Bee]

By here I mean that he can have me, not that i am with him when he looks at porn on the internet, I can see everyones different points, and yes hes happy about baby, he could just be stressed, but i guess i just want attention, and think its sad he is missing out. I think he is just being a normal bloke but its my hormones and i am feeling really jealous

[jno]

oh, sorry, I misunderstood. Anyway, of course you want attention, and I hope you can make him see this. Really, men should know this, but.... <sigh>

[Octavius]

I can't confess to have watched porn (recently) but my wife is 4.5months pregnant. There is a lot of truth in the things said above. I am not 'put off' by my wife being pregnant, or expanding, or harming the baby even. However, there are many nights when I look at my wife and just feel that she looks uncomfortable, or is feeling lousy, or just generally tired and moody because her body is going through the turmoil of pregnancy.

At times like this I just imagine that sex is the last thing on her mind and she maybe just wants to be left alone or cuddled. Other times she tells me she needs attention � and she gets it!!

A man does feel a bit left out really, all he can do is watch the ups and downs of pregnancy, listen to the moans and groans, but really without being able to do anything but listen and comfort. It�s just about communication. Let him know when you want it, and let him know when you don�t! The porn is irrelevant really as he may well still watch it even if he is getting it on with you every night!

[liquidspace]

B. Bee I SO understand what you are going through. I posted a similar topic here recently about not liking my bf watching it when he could have me. I have nagged, shouted, cried etc but at the end of the day I dont think it makes any difference, he wont stop.

It really hurts me emotionally but Im going to try to accept it as inevitable - men are just different to us.

I am with you on the attention thing, all I want is attention and kisses and cuddles but as I say ..men are different!