why are people so nasty sometimes?

[mydogsandme]

I've just started a new job in a school working with a young boy with special needs. I already know him and the family well as I work with him at home. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I've inherited all the problems the parents had with the school with the previous asistants who still work there. The parents are happy right now and so is the child but some of the staff have decided point blank not to like me as I'm associated with all the past trouble (I assume this is the reason as they've not actually bothered to get to know me) Another LSA makes a point of making cutting remarks to me that she doesn't want an answer to and I'm not giving her the satisfaction of justifying myself. The only comfort is that I know she doesn't actually know me and I've done nothing to her personally. It's like people want me to fail. Why are some people so uinpleasant and won't give others a chance? I'm no saint but I'm only there to help the little boy, not take all the **** that goes with it.

[B00]

Not that it should have any bearing on the horrible way you've been treated- but i'm curious.....what are the "past troubles"...........?

[Lonnie]

Hi mydogsandme, you have my sympathies, I take it your talking about a Special Needs School, and your a care assistant, not an easy job at the best of times,

There could be a few reasons for their attitude, and it sounds as if their trying to make you leave, is it possible, that at a staff meeting, you could put forward your feelings, and ask them why they are acting in this way?.

[mydogsandme]

the fact is the school never wanted him there in the first place, these days schools have to be seen to be inclusive but often don't have the knowledge to cope with children with special needs. There were various incidents where the parents were told that he had "deliberately" kicked or hit teachers. We know this isn't true as children with his problems can't have malicious thoughts and actions. His parents know that what was happening is that he was being made to do activities that were scareing and confusing him and due to his speech problems he can't communicate this. He doesn't have behavioural problems, he's a happy, sweet child. The mum was often in tears over accusations about him.

[Lonnie]

I understand fully. we took our daughter out of her school, she's Autistic, because the teachers were just leaving her to her own devices, she's a gentle soul, but as she doesn't speak or understand the spoken word, the teachers were telling us things that just couldn't have happened, also coming home dirty, pads that were too small etc.

I would suggest, and thats all it is, but its what I did, that his mother attends the school for a day, but sits where he can't see her, the school can't refuse.

And full marks to you, for sticking up for him, that seems to be whats behind all the nastiness.

[Calaid]

Hi Mydogsandme, I can understand completely where you are coming from. I do the same job as you in a mainstream school with a learning support dept. I cannot believe the bitchiness and back stabbing among the staff! I have issues with the way one in particular treats the kids (the ones that can't go home and tell because basically because of their conditions they can't). I complained but it was denied and I ended up the bad one!? I cannot get my head round why some people chose to do our job when they don't have an ounce of compassion in them. It's certainly not for the pay! Saying that, there are some really dedicated members of staff. You sound like you are good at your job. Stick at it, as long as the child is happy - fcuk the rest of them - they are just jealous because you are winning where THEY have failed!

[saintjohnny]

Unless specifically trained to deal with autism, Aspergers etc, you cannot expect teachers to be able to deal with these kinds of pupil. The truth is, these pupils are dumped on schools by cost cutting local authorities. They are the villains here, not the overworked, bureaucracy strangled teaching staff. It's not about "compassion," it's about professionalism. Kids like this should be in specialist schools.

[mydogsandme]

thanks for your answers everyone. Lonnie- sorry to hear you had this trouble too. Saintjohhny I understand what you mean but not all parents want their children in special schools anyhow. They're worried that if they're with children with severe difficulties they'll end up copying them and make matters worse. It's surely up to schools to advertise for the correct staff who are qualified rather than giving the jobs to other classroom assistants who might not realize what they're taking on. In this particular instance, if they're unable to cope at the school, why not admit it rather than blame the child? This particular lsa had already been working with another special needs who's mother was very unhappy with the way he was treated but of course he was unable to tell his parents. Thank you Calaid- I'm still learning myself but feel any mistakes I make are going to be jumped on.

[saintjohnny]

Frankly no. Children with those kinds of difficulties should not be anywhere near mainstream schools - unless of course proper resources are made available to cater for them, and we all know that will never happen. "Inclusiveness" is just a lazy term for "saving money." Parents need to be made to understand that they can't always get what they want, and I'm afraid that your eagerness to blame the teachers for this problem does you no credit.

[mydogsandme]

I'm not blaming hard-working teachers, believe me. I'm talking about an individual case where a small boy has been forced- by which I mean being held- and made to do something that he has no concept of. If teachers aren't trained then why not admit to the parents that it's not working? Why frighten the parents by saying he must have regressed and that he'll be suspended? Anyway, we're getting away from my question of why I get the brunt end of theire dislike for him and his parents when I've just been employed to do a job. I know and so do the parents that the headteacher and certain members of staff have been gossiping and bad-mouthing them and they obviously can't do it to me as I'm so fond of the child- he's practically like one of my own. The headteacher is well-known amongst professionals for gossiping and telling tales. I sincerely just want to help everyone make his life easier and happier at school and would appreciate the help and back-up from other staff instead of them hoping I'll fail. Not too much to ask, is it?

[mydogsandme]

Also, it's not a teacher but an assistant that's mainly being unpleasant.

[mydogsandme]

sorry to keep harping on but I just want to explain that this child will attend main-stream with or without me- that's down to the parents, whatever the rights or wrongs- all I want is to be accepted for myself- why dislike someone you don't know because they have a connection with someone else you happen to dislike? Isn't that childish? You wouldn't say that's right, would you Johnny? Surely in childcare we're all there for the benefits of the children, not our own agendas?

[Lonnie]

Sotty to come back on this again, I didn't realise it was a mainstream school, My question now is, why is he in a mainstream school?, is it because the LEA want him there, or is what the parents want.

he might actually be better off in a special needs school, you haven't said whats actually wrong with him, does he need one to one on some lessons?.

Anyway, I wish you all the best.

[mydogsandme]

Hi Lonnie- yes, it's mainstream but a very small village school- only 50 pupils and close to his house. His parents want him in mainstream, obviously nothing to do with me. He is autistic and needs one to one with just about everything really. He's only at school part-time when I'm there with him. How is your little girl and does she attend mainstream now?

[saintjohnny]

Shouldn't be there, end of story. The LEA should show some backbone and point out to the parents that the kid is going to suffer because they have misguided ideas about the success of autistic children in the mainstream. Fact is, he IS different, nothing is going to change that. Also, it is quite possible for an autistic child to act violently, especially if feeling cornered or stressed (as this lad probably is, quite understandably). Shame on whoever is forcing him to be there.

[mydogsandme]

he isn't stressed now- he has me and I understand him pretty well as I've known him for years. The only stressed one will be me and it won't be him causing it, it will be "normal" adults who are penalizing me for working with him! It's impossible to pigeon-hole autistic children as every one is different- I volunteer with a little autistic girl in her home and she is completely different. All I can say is with me he's relaxed and always has been in my company and those who love him. Do you believe that even with qualified one-to-one help that special needs children should never be in mainstream schools, Johnny? The only special school near us is for severe learning difficulties which the parents are dead set against. Anyhow, I'm just trying to do a job I've been employed for, if it wasn't me it would be a stranger to him- how is this my fault?

[Lonnie]

I go along with saintjohnny when he says the youngster shouldn't in mainstream, but having said that, i'm not there, and you are, anyway, this post isn't really about him, its about you, and your relationship with one or more of your peers, I go along with what I suggested before, confront, in a non-confrontal way, the people who are being nasty to you, and ask them the reason for their behaviour, its possible, other than what i've already said, that they may be blaming you, for the child still being there.

Thanks for asking about my daughter, she's twenty two now, and goes a day centre centre, its a private one, as the local Social Service run one couldn't cope.

I hope things work out for you, Bless you for the job your doing, its a hard one, and I know people like you, do it mainly out of the goodness and love in your hearts.

[mydogsandme]

thank you Lonnie