Trying to move on and up?!

[steve208]

I just cant seem to get anywhere fast. ( i sorry to post another question but its a different subject so thought it would muddle my other post.)

I know it could seem i am just being impatient but my life feels like its stuck at the moment. I am in a low paid job, though have had an offer from the civil service though this will still not be much pay after deductions.

I am struggling with money my main concern being to save enough to move out, as i think i would be able to do more etc if i have my own place or something, just feel constrained living at home.

I am unhealthy and unmotivated and just feel like giving up. This being linked to being depressed and having no friends or a girlfriend. It would just be nice to have friends to go out with and to chat up women like i used to at uni. I feel like life is passing me by and there is nothing i can do about it.

[bobtheturkey]

i have a chocolate eclair in the fridge

[steve208]

Right ok then bob i will shut up and go away now then. cheers.

[crete]

no dont go steve 208, its your question, stick around

[fee-is-me]

Hush, bob. Fee has her sensible head on. (Stop laughing.)

Steve208 - so you make lists, then after a period of time you refer back to them and you realise you haven't achieved what you wanted to?

Are they realistic things for you to achieve within a realistic time scale?

Do you know why (if they are) that you haven't achieved these things?

Does it come down to money?

Is it more of a motivational issue you have?

What is the MAIN reason?

If you are having counselling, do you feel it is having a positive effect on your life? Has it improved things for you?

You strike me as not very confident - could that be the underlying reason why you get so down... that you feel you will NEVER achieve the things you want...?

[bobtheturkey]

fee whats for tea

[steve208]

Well yes i am not very confident and wonder if maybe a confidence or assertivness course could help me. I do feel the counselling is helping as I started it in july and things have changed since then.

Although a change in my confidence will do me good i need to explore and heal things from the past through counselling.

Does anyone know what i can tell my counsellor without fear that he will pass information on. One part of me thinks the things i did were trivial and i didnt know the implications but the other part thinks they could be serious. All i have been told is that if he thinks i am too suicidal then he would take action but these are mistakes from my past, when i was aged around 7 years old.

[bobtheturkey]

i cant think why you feel alone steve

[steve208]

thanks bob.

[crete]

bob leave steve alone please,

[Amber1571]

Hi Steve208

Just remember, things won't change over night. You say you want/need a better paid job. Why don't you join a course to better your qualifications, in order that you can secure that 'better' job. Lots of these evening classes are free or very cheap.

[steve208]

hum ok. I will try to sign up for a course in january as i did try to get on one this term but they were all full.

[fee-is-me]

Steve - talk to your counsellor about this '7 years old' thing.

If it is something that you need to share, do it. He can only help you if you give him all the facts.

His role is to help you to help yourself.

I think you need to go right back to the real, 'inside' you before you go on courses etc.

Get the inside bit sorted and then work on the other stuff. Doing it this way round will make the harder (work/money) issues far easier.

[steve208]

Ok thanks for the advice, but and perhaps this is why it is important to do this, what do you mean by going back to find the inside me?

I think i found this for a short time at university when i was confident etc...is this what you ment?

[Hellion]

Hi Steve, moving forward always takes little steps, you can rarely change your life over night. You made huge headway in your life just recently and I know you've done some things that you were nervous about but you did them anyway (like organising your coffee morning), that takes courage but you did them successfully and you must surely have gained some confidence from that.
Is your poor health just depression or is it just general lifestyle? Why do you feel you can't chat up women now, what changed.
The only job I can think of that would enable you to leave home and develop your social life is working in a hotel, I did that when I was your age and I had a great time, I had a live in job, 3 meals a day, worked hard, played harder and managed to save money because although it's not the best wages you have no outgoings.

[fee-is-me]

Ok - what i meant was: In order for you to be successful in your chosen paths (socially, romantically, professionally) you MUST (in my opinion) be happy and comfortable with yourself.

You (one) can kid yourself into THINKING that you are happy and confident at times, but unless you have that inner confidence (and it doesn't have to be the party-animal type) you will never believe that you CAN be successful.

You need to 'attack' things with baby steps.

Do you like yourself?

[steve208]

Thanks helion.

I am not sure working in a hotel would be for me but i have considered the royal navy, and posted a question a few days ago about that.

With regards to women i dont have friends that i go out with so dont feel i can be out there chatting any up until i am going out reguarly. So really i am trying to say i need to build upon meeting people so i have the means to go out and have a fun time in the first place. The meeting women is a secondary bonus.

I feel very much that i am having a lot of upheaval and most of me feels like it will not lead anywhere. Whether this is practical upheaval which i am doing at the moment by the way as i am getting new furniture for my room so having a large turn out. Or if it is emotional upheaval with regards to talking about past demons with my counsellor. The two are somwhat linked as i dont like turning out my room as i am being reminded about the past.

Also with the emotional issues its like i want to bring them up so i can deal with them and put then back neatly but it feels like they will end up scaring me more on the outside as i bring them from deep inside to talk about.

i am sorry to go on but its good to be able to talk about how i feel. Goodness know i talk enough to myself inside my head and through writing things down.

[steve208]

Homestly - NOPE i really hate myself and think either others do hate me or wish they would as things are easier that way. When at work yesterday i didnt think i worked hard enough or may have said something about someone.

Anyway was down one end of the basement and heard two of the guys talking but could not hear enough to know it was about me, but i presume it was. I think ever since they gave employee of the month to me people have been talking. I think they didnt like it as i am a part timer and they think it should have gone to one of the full time members of staff. Saying that i do a lot of extra hours so do nearly full time and am doign full time hours at the moment.

[fee-is-me]

Then you need to work on your inner-self with your counsellor as a priority (in my opinion) as you can't go on feeling like this.

When i say 'get a life' i don't mean it in a bad way. But you need to establish a happier life. One you are able to be yourself in without worrying about what others might be saying about you, etc.

What therapy is your counsellor offering?

[steve208]

Erm i am not sure what therepy he is offering. It is through the conexions service and although the centres are for those aged 13-19 they still offer counselling up to the age of 25 or for a period of up to two years.

[fee-is-me]

Hell's teeth.

Well, find out what the therapy is and what it is supposed to achieve.

Does he give you 'homework' to do?

Is it one-on-one?