love or habit

[Miss-read]

posted a question on R&D. But now thinking, and after reading posts on here about love etc. Me, in love, I make as much effort as I can to keep in contact with my long distance romance. But he doesnt make any effort. Work is always first. So thinking us being together is more of a habit, than love. As he makes B*gger all effort with me. But 100% with work. I need a kick up the a*se. So am I being a mug? Been with him for 5 yrs. And he doesnt talk about a future together either :(

[BBWCHATT]

Miss - I am an old lady - and I have seen and done a lot in my lifetime - my advice is to cut him loose and find someone who appeciates you. If this one marries you, he isn't doing you a favor I am afraid. You deserve better than that.

Can you find a copy of this book to read?
He's Just Not That Into You
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

[willa]

I agree. The big question is why you would put up with someone who has you as such a low priority. Maybe you don't want to give up after 5 years, but how long would you tolerate such a lack of consideration? 6 years? And why the heck would you even think about marrying someone who has such a low regard for you? How fun would that be? Think about cutting your losses, remembering the good stuff, and moving on. You may be thinking of him as he once was, not as he is.

It's hard to come to any conclusions with so little feedback from him. You're left to imagine and conjecture, with little input from him as to why the tides have turned. So don't wait for it. Why is is up to him what happens to you?

I once was engaged to a guy who left me abruptly, with no feedback or explanation after a 2-year relationship. (I eventually figured it out: he was only 5 years older than me, but had seen so much more of life that I seemed like a child to him. He had figured that out first, but neglected to share his insights, which would have been nice.)

So I was confused and sad at the time, but I was clear enough to knew I didn't want to pursue someone who didn't want to be with me, for whatever reason. Turned out to be the best thing. After some rebound men, I met the love of my life and we've been married for more than 20 years.

Bundle together your self-esteem (borrow it or fake it if you don't have enough) and call it a day. Trust me, it's not the end of the world.

[ummmm]

He is a man. They do function differently to women. I have been brought up in a male dominated environment all my life and their attitudes do not necessarily mean what you think it means.

Men think with their heads while women tend to think with their hearts.

Work is important, respect the fact he gives 100% to his job. He could be the provider for your future family.

Have you tried not making such an effort? If you don't ring him what happens? I bet if you left it a while he'll be on the phone asking why you haven't rang. He's used to you making the effort so he doesn't have to.

Have you told him how you feel?

[Miss-read]

Thanks everyone for your help xx