Spectator N0 2693- By Fieldfare
Crosswords3 mins ago
Keeping in touch with ex's
39 Answers
When you start seeing somebody knew, would you tell an ex that you split up with a year ago? Why would you tell them, is it any of their business? Is it because you want to rub their nose in it?
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bless you spk
He shouldn't need closure after a year!! Maybe it was a revenge thing? But why tell you about it, thats the strange thing! Recently I had the opertunity to tell an EX about Miss Admarlow (who I have been with for 2 years) but I didn't as I couldn't be arsed, (and I started going out with Miss Admarlow while I was still with her ha ha ) I think the best thing to do is tell him exactly how you feel, as you think it will go away but it won't you will just think about it more and more.
He shouldn't need closure after a year!! Maybe it was a revenge thing? But why tell you about it, thats the strange thing! Recently I had the opertunity to tell an EX about Miss Admarlow (who I have been with for 2 years) but I didn't as I couldn't be arsed, (and I started going out with Miss Admarlow while I was still with her ha ha ) I think the best thing to do is tell him exactly how you feel, as you think it will go away but it won't you will just think about it more and more.
i think it would be perfectly normal to tell an ex if you bumped into them sometime. not all exes are exes for terrible reasons, some just realise they are not right for each other and come to a painful but ultimately mutual decision. there is nothing wrong with remaining friendly, after all, once upon a time you were in love / lust. no need for it always to turn to hate. however it does seem a little questionable that he phoned her with the purpose of telling her. i cant really offer any advice. perhaps you just have to grin and bear it and see how things pan out. hope he is just being a man from mars!
I suppose it depends on the circumstances, there are exes who are still very good friends of mine I would tell as a normal friend as they'd be happy for me as I'd be happy for them that they'd found someone special.
There's an ex I split up with in 1997 who still pursues me (despite him being married!) who i'd tell nicely in the hope it'd persuade him to leave me be. The fact that i'm single doesn't seem to be quite as persuasive.
Maybe she didn't take it at all well and hes a sensitive guy who, even though they are still friends, gave her the respect to let her know before she heard it from someone else or saw you together. I may sound silly but my friend's lovely sweet little brother killed himself at 17 after seeing his ex with another guy in town.
Maybe there is an element of rubbing their nose in it bit if there is it probably has more to do with them rather than anything to do with you.
There's probably nothing to worry about. As for raising it with him why not try it from the view of a concerned girlfriend who's worried in case she's some nutter who may be funny with him or you, maybe lightheartedly joke you don't have to watch your back do you, big him up by the fact that you know how you feel about him so she can see why she'd be jealous.
Hopefully that will bring the story out without you sounding like a psycho. If he busts you then just go girly and sweer and sorry, not stroppy, and say that you feel a bit jealous and just wanted some reassurance all was ok. Hopefully he'll understand and put your mind at rest, if he runs them it may be best to let him. As long as someone wasn't all wierd about it or stroppy and such about it I'd probably be quite flattered and want to reassure them.
Hope this helps hon xxx
There's an ex I split up with in 1997 who still pursues me (despite him being married!) who i'd tell nicely in the hope it'd persuade him to leave me be. The fact that i'm single doesn't seem to be quite as persuasive.
Maybe she didn't take it at all well and hes a sensitive guy who, even though they are still friends, gave her the respect to let her know before she heard it from someone else or saw you together. I may sound silly but my friend's lovely sweet little brother killed himself at 17 after seeing his ex with another guy in town.
Maybe there is an element of rubbing their nose in it bit if there is it probably has more to do with them rather than anything to do with you.
There's probably nothing to worry about. As for raising it with him why not try it from the view of a concerned girlfriend who's worried in case she's some nutter who may be funny with him or you, maybe lightheartedly joke you don't have to watch your back do you, big him up by the fact that you know how you feel about him so she can see why she'd be jealous.
Hopefully that will bring the story out without you sounding like a psycho. If he busts you then just go girly and sweer and sorry, not stroppy, and say that you feel a bit jealous and just wanted some reassurance all was ok. Hopefully he'll understand and put your mind at rest, if he runs them it may be best to let him. As long as someone wasn't all wierd about it or stroppy and such about it I'd probably be quite flattered and want to reassure them.
Hope this helps hon xxx
Hiya loobie, as far as Im aware shes not at all interested, she finished with him ,when he told her about us she wasnt bothered, shes not kept in touch with him (up until we got together I know he was still seeing her, just as a friend) and thats stopped now. The thing is, he has been really honest with me and I know that, I do appereciate it, but I really dont think hes over her. Maybe I just need to wait and see what happens and hope in times it gets better.
There are a couple of other things that had me insecure, like he still said 'we' meaning him and her, they still had a joint account until I came on the scene, some of her stuff was still in his house, and he still had a picture up of the two of them. Thats all been gone since the first week but still, its not a great start
There are a couple of other things that had me insecure, like he still said 'we' meaning him and her, they still had a joint account until I came on the scene, some of her stuff was still in his house, and he still had a picture up of the two of them. Thats all been gone since the first week but still, its not a great start
I'd be bothered by this - going out of his way to tell her sounds iffy. When I was young and inexperienced in the ways of the world I was seeing someone who couldn't make his mind up and was all over me one week, then didn't want to see me the next. In desperation,during one of the times he didn't want to see me, I told him that I was seeing someone else specifically to make him jealous (I wasn't). But this worked and he was desperate to get me back from whoever this 'rival' was. Obviously this didn't last. I grew up, for a start! But, to go back to your problem - you obviously have doubts over his motives, and in the end, none of us here can say what they were. So I think that's where you need to look now. He's the one who knows why - he's the one who, if he's as sensitive as you say he is, needs to be sensitive to your needs now. He needs to see you're concerned and he should do his best to put your mind at rest. Hope it works out - love's never easy!!
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