what is the right age gap?

[jacobsmummy]

Hi guys, this may sound silly but i'm wondering when to start trying for our second baby.
Jacob is 14 months old now and very independant. The plan was to get married next august and start trying immediatly for our next child but due to many reasons and after long discussions we have had to postpone the wedding until august 2008.

now if we start trying for a baby now jake will be roughly 2, i dont want to be pregnant when i get married and i also want to leave at least 9 months after having a baby to lose the weight before squeezing into the dress as it took roughly that long to lose the 3 stone i put on with jake, however if we leave it till after we get married then jake will be around 4 when we have another baby.

sorry to ramble but i thought it best to explain the situation. What is the right age gap? i want to do whats best for all concerned, me and my partner, jake and the new baby, is sooner better than later or does an age gap of 4 years not matter?

thanks in advance

chloe xxx

[Pippa68]

I think there are pros and cons to any age gap between siblings.

I have a 2 and a half year gap between my first two, and a 4 year gap between the next two. In the first example, I was just starting to take my eldest to playgroup when my second was born..I found it easy to do things with both children because as they grew up they could participate in the same activities..although I did find that my eldest regressed a little ~ she changed from being very independent and walking miles every day into wanting to be carried or put in the pram! she was a bit young to realise the changes...

With the next two, the older one was starting school. She didn't regress so much, but did do some naughty things to get attention (she cut all her hair off while I was feeding her baby sister once!) I did find it easier to deal with getting her ready for school as she did a lot of it herself ~ and she also enjoyed helping with the baby and keeping her amused without me worrying she was being too rough.

What I did find hard was the activity aspect...4 years is a big gap when you want them to do things together and I found myself having to do things on my own with the older one (or I took it it turns with Mr Pippa) as I seemed to be constantly telling the older one we couldn't do this or that 'because of the baby'.

As I said, pros & cons..and I wouldn't like to say the 'ideal' age gap as there isn't one. Different challenges arise for different gaps, so you can only decide on when you are ready and what is best for your family. I will say that the wedding can be rearranged and accomodated much easier than the baby, though ;o)

Good luck!

[ilovetolove]

I would get cracking straight away! I had my two children very close together. My first was only 3months when I fell for my second! We never planned it that way, but it was brilliant. They played great together as babies and toddlers and they both got equal attention. Even now at 11 & 12 they are best mates. When nobody to play out with, they always have each other. They are both at secondary school now, so only one sports day/christmas play! They even share some of their friends. Their birthdays are in the same month aswell so they get to have one big party! (which they prefer to having 2 seperate) But Pippa is bang on, there are many pros & cons to different age gaps.
Good luck x

[jacobsmummy]

i have to admit im leaning towards sooner rather than later but i just want to do the right thing, 2009 seems an awfully long time away and im worried jake wont hav any interest in a baby brother or sister when hes 4.
i understand a wedding is easier to re arrange but we have been together for 7 years now and are desperate to be husband and wife at last, wev already put it off once due to getting pregnant with jacob!
argh i dont know what to do!!!

[Pippa68]

Hey...I only got married last year, jacobsmummy ~ it took us 11 years to get cracking!

[taichiperson]

Regarding whether kids will play together/get on with each other - it all depends on personality, and that's something you have no control over. I'd just make sure whatever you decide that Jake is prepared for a new arrival. Make sure he is involved with his sibling as much as possible in the early days and reassure him that he still has a strong place in your affections.
My two boys are not quite 3 years apart and generally got /get on well together (they're 18 and 16 now) but certainly had their moments!!
Good luck!

[toecrusher]

have them close together! we have almost a 5yr age gap and every stage throws up difficulties, but certainly now, they are very close, but the 13yr old really cant handle her 18yr old sister going out clubbing with her mates etc. Im dreading the oldest going to uni next year! the closer the better, if i had my time again!

[March-Hare]

You are of course, assuming a second child will come along - and I sincerely hope he or she does - but rather than worry about age gaps and fitting into dresses why not just start trying when you feel ready, enjoy life and see what happens ............... and nature will run it's course. You are very lucky to have one child - neither he/she or the second child will care a damn about the age gap as long as they have a fabulous childhood!