A friend in need

[4getmenot]

I have a friend that is getting herself so upset about her weight, I txt her lastnight to see how she was and she said she went out shopping to get herself a new top for a party and nothing fit her so she got depressed and when she got home ate loads of crap (vicious circle) and now she's even more depressed. The thing is yer she is larger than average but she is beautiful and pretty and has an inner personality to match. I tell her this but her weight still gets her down, she has been to docs but instead of giving her any diet help they just try and push prozac on her. Does anyone have any advice I can give her or any ideas of a little present I can get her to cheer her up?

[redcrx]

tell her to take a look at your big sis and then she wont feel so fat :)

[4getmenot]

I think she will and I think you can guess which friend, she needs help here bless her. Hope you feeling ok today red xx

[rhona_j]

Can totally relate tot he vicious circle thing, I can admit to doing the same thing after a terrible shopping trip!

By just being there for her and listening to her, you're already being a great help I imagine.

Why not see about joining a gym together. When there's two people you're more likely to commit to it and encourage each other on.

Or if that's too expensive, why not go out for walks each evening together, start doing some gentle exercise, a little each night will go a long way to getting your friend started on an excercise regime, which is probably better than trying to stick to some faddy diet.

Hope you can help her through this tough patch.

Good luck to you both!

[stylinsam]

morning hunnie, iv got a friend exactly like that she is a very good looking girl but is overweight, i always try to cheer her up, but i think it depends on how close you are with her, i mean my friend is very close to me vise verser , so when shes feeling low and decides she needs to eat loads of junk tell her to call you. when she feels low tell her to ring you and you can have a nice chat with her and make her laugh, this should take her mind of things and maybe start to excercise together (as i say if she isnt that close to you she may find it offensive if you suggest excercising together) but as for a prezzie how about a tatty teddy bear or a figure with friend on and get her a card and write a poem in it) e.g.
A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place

[redcrx]

you have 2 lovely friends that may be seen as being a bit on the large size sis but neither of them huge or fat. Both have great personalities so Im confused as to which one. Is it the mad one?? xx

[stylinsam]

not that you need to exercise or anything hehe ;oP xxxx

[Scarlett]

I know how depressing this can be- xmas is coming and parties and stuff with it. Do you know what her size actually is? I can give you some online stores that do REALLY gorgeous clothes in plus sizes- velvet, sequinned, glam stuff which she will look amazing in. There is no point in going to Topshop trying to squeeze into size 14. For now, she is what she is, and she should just look gorgrous and wear something lush and flattering, and maybe think about going on a sensible eating plan (3 times a day, no snacking unless fruit, lots of veg, avoiding processed food and sugar) in the New Year. Maybe you could do this together?

[4getmenot]

thanks rhona I have suggested we try and do something together to lose weight. I suggested swimming but because she is a teacher and training and college at night aswell and is a single mum to a 6yr old daughter the moment she gets any time to herself she drops herself on couch and relaxes and unfortunately can hide snacks because it wouldnt be fair on her daughter to have no food in house.

[yolande]

Maybe she needs to start to like how she looks rather than lose weight (depending on how big she is). What about her getting a new haircut/some new undies/getting her nails done and stuff. Or what about a girly night with her where you do makeovers on each other and try on different clothes to normal. You could go shopping and choose outfits for each other, to make her see that she can look great.

[4getmenot]

Sam if I could have given you 10 stars for that I would have, that is such a lovely poem, and I�d have guessed you�d have had a friend like mine as we are so much alike already. :-) Was going to get her sudoko book as she loves doing them and tell her that every time she�s bored or depressed to do that to stop her eating, and scarlet am not sure on her size, I�d say she�s maybe a size 20??

[4getmenot]

yolande, it is more her weight, she has the biggest collecetion of clothes and accessories and is already beautiful, and got all the hair and makeup sorted. I am alot smaller than her and I wouldnt want to shop with her as I feel like I'm rubbing it in.

[lorraine29]

a friend and i (who are both overweight) used to regularly get together, we bought a low fat receipe book each and once a week we had a girlie night where we each brought ingredients to make one receipe from our book, as we were both cooking we had a couple of drinks (not too many as it defeated the object).
Then we sat down with our kids to enjoy the meal, much cheaper than a take away and much healthier and certainly lifted our spirits having a laugh while we cooked (and if the receipe went wrong it just added to the fun).
Our kids loved it too as it gave them a chance to get together and to try out new foods.
both my friend and I have moved away from the area now and unfortunately lost contact, but i still miss those fun evenings.

Lorraine x

[Octavius]

As a bloke I don't really get this you see, all this wallowing in self-pity etc. My ex used to do this every shopping trip we ever went on and I had to put up with her sulks and tantrums whenever we got home, and then sit there watching while she stuffed herself fatter still and trying to convince her that she wasn't really fat and that I like a "bit of meat" anyway, loved her just the way she was etc. Sometimes it is just gratuitous self pity and attention seeking. The constant wailing did my head in. She wasn't large (size 10) of course and I would have still loved her if she was size 16 or so - but not with all the self pity.

However, being a thoughtful, caring, generous gentleman - and tactful of course - you could always deck her house out with full length concave mirrors.

[4getmenot]

great idea lorraine but I dont have children and she is always so busy. Why did you lose contact, such a shame, maybe you could find her again

[4getmenot]

oct this is serious, she isnt just a size 10 trying to get attention and I dont think you can understand because many woman and even men who are large do this, as I said its a vicious circle. and I�m not a gentlemen, I�m her best mate and a woman and she needs help not mirrors.

[lorraine29]

would love to get in touch with her again but would have no idea where to start, she left the area very quickly when she left her partner and she lost contact with all of her friends in the area.

Lorraine x

[redcrx]

octavius, theres a big difference between a size 10 woman whining for the attention and a size 20 woman whos depressed and in the vicious circle of eating because shes depressed and thus getting bigger.

4get, i now know who youre talking about, she is a very pretty lady, just a larger lady.

Youre a great friend to all that know you and Im sure you will come up with a way to help her. Maybe the shopping trip is a good idea, but find a shop that caters for all sizes like maybe Dorothy Perkins or something so she doesnt feel out of place.

[Octavius]

I know 4getmenot, you is a laydeee.

My point really, is that it is a mindset and no amount of gifts and denial (you�re not fat etc) /encouragement from someone else can really change that. Believe me, I tried. It might work for a week, but then next month you will find yourself at the blunt end of another �trauma�. If you are willing to invest some real time and effort, and she needs support and encouragement as she lacks her own willpower, then as suggested before, perhaps you could arrange one evening a week where you do something mildly energetic together (swimming/or an exercise class/or even AmDram! etc). The aim is that you help her get into a rhythm and potentially start to feel better about herself to the point where she sees results and has the willpower to go it alone. Organise a once every month/two months treat, such as shopping for an occasion where you both go out and live it up. If you are both in a circle of friends, the others could help out as well by taking in turns to do something energetic and with some reward at the end so that it is not all your own time taken up.

[stylinsam]

hii babe thanx for that ;o)

i think you need to stick by her through her ups and downs and be the bestest possible friend that you can, and things will turn out ok in the end... xxx mwah youve made me very smily girly xxxx

[drchasuble]

It's also important to know exactly where to shop to make yourself feel better.

For example I will never ever buy anything from Karen Millen again in my life. The sizings are completely wrong and just make a fragile shopper like moi feel even worse. I had to buy 2 sizes bigger which would make anyone feel awful.
I find that GAP sizes are spot on and very well made and designed so I always feel good.
I don't buy from Primark, Mark One, New Look or H&M either as the sizes are wrong, they are so shoddily made and the cheap fabrics subject to such shrinkage you're just constantly throwing money down the lav.

It does initially mean that I will pay more for clothes these days but I�m far more confident and don�t have drawers full of cheap ill fitting cr#p.

And although I think Trinny & Susannah are evil harridans this is one thing they have right: dress well, feel more confident and some of your other problems will seem more manageable.