Two guys, two extremes - help!!

[oceanauk]

I've decided to get back onto the dating scene after being single for 6 years. It's so nervewracking - however I was set up with a guy two months ago as we both had young sons so we got together a few times plus I would see him weekly at a night out with friends. We got on well and he seemed to like me. The following week all the texts stopped and I didn't hear anything. From there - it's been confusing when I see him - he seems to like me but doesn't contact me at all. Now I've tried internet dating so I can really get out there and move on. I started exchanging mail with a guy which progressed to texts then to phone calls and we've completely clicked. He contacts me every single day! We meet tomorrow for our 1st date! However, the first guy I mentioned was out last night at our usual weekly night out and he was off with me at first then I got him to sit with me and see what was wrong and he was fine and now I'm confused again. I keep crying when I think of this 1st guy - i think I have serious feelings for him and yet he's given me nothing - so why is that? This second guy is so full on and I feel stuck in the middle and confused. How did this happen after being single so long and why is it so hard just to meet somebody nice and normal? I'm in my mid 30's but feel like a teenager starting from scratch. Any comments would be very much appreciated. Have a lovely Xmas all!!

[ConfusedMum]

like buses - when ya want one there's none around.

i think you got feelings for the first bloke because he's pretty stand offish and reserved - we always want what we can't have, it makes us want them more - they keep you hanging just a little bit.

just play them both out - talking in 'real life' is alot different than talking by text and email and on the phone - who's saying you are deffinitly gonna like this bloke you never actually met before? he could turn out to be anyone. don't cut them both off until you are 101% sure who and what you want! :D

xXx

[littleone85]

just try an forget 1st guy, he seems like a loser, he might be great sometimes but if he's blowing hot and cold its not good for you or your kids. As for internet guy just play it by ear, if it works out thats great, if it doesn't then it doesn't, plenty more fish in the sea as the cliche goes! i always find its best to try and imagine what you'd advise a friend to do if they were in the same situation when stuff like this happens, hope it helps

[China Doll]

Sounds to me like because you've been off the scene for a while so to speak that you feelings around either guy are more intense than if you've been doing the dating thing for a while if that makes any sense? Flirtation and a date take on more meaning than they ever should.

Just go out with internet guy and enjoy yourself, see how you get on. But as said before, remember that pixels and the person aren't necessarily the same thing. You can't hit delete or escape for a start....

With regards to the first bloke, he hasn't really treated you very well. Stop worrying about his feelings or what's the matter with him and don't give him any undue attention. You're worth more than that.

Good luck..... And remember, dating (I'm told) is supposed to be fun!

[sam100]

The first blokes a waste of time if you ask me...see how it goes with the 2nd one but don't jump in head first and just take your time and be choosey!!!

[WendyS]

Perhaps the answer is that after being single for so long you suddenly find yourself between two men and feel you have to make a choice between the two of them. You don't. Regard these friendships are two options along the way, neither of which are compulsory. Possibly after six years of being single and having relatively steady emotions, uncomplicated by other relationships, you now find yourself on an emotional "fast track" and are finding it hard to adjust. Just take one day at a time and don't allow yourself to be swept in too deeply to either of them. It's easy to make very bad decisions when emotions are in turmoil, either high or low.

[oceanauk]

Wow that's brilliant everybody thank you. I think it's true that having had no complications or emotions or guys to deal with for so long it is suddenly overwhelming. Your right I don't have to make a choice. I am choosy anyway. Although sometimes I wonder when I'll ever know if I've got it right as I am an emotionally intense person!!!! Thank you everybody for your advice - was really helpful.

[lizzydrippin]

I agree with Wendy and just to add my bit I dont agree with whats been suggested about the 1st guy being 'a loser' or a 'waste of space'. I mean what exactly has the bloke done thats so awful? so, he's been abit 'off' with you,it probably doesnt have anything to do with you at all, maybe the guy has problems in his family,(mother ill or parents splitting up or a number of other things) who knows?
Have a really good time now you're out and about again. Best of Luck

[druiaghtagh]

I think asa bloke that the first bloke is just messing you around, kick him into touch and try again with this other one, i wish you luck and happiness my love