Compulsive Liar

[clarebel]

I have been seeing a guy who I have found out is a compulsive Liar. He has lied to me about Everything about himself. I am still really attracted to him but he has been abusive towards me blaming me for it all the time. I can't forget him! I spend my whole time analysing things he has said to me and am finding it really hard to move on. He is going to court on 26th Jan for battery against me. I thought this may bring closure on it for me but I am finding it harder than ever and just want him back even though I've not had the best of relationships with him! Any suggestions?

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i was seeing a girl like this, who lied about things. She always used to try to put the blame onto me, saying i was paranoid. I know what you mean about the analysing, cos you begin to wonder if it is really you. But, i cant understand why you would want to be with anyone who hurts you. i think you only want him back, because he maybe made you feel special, some of the times he was with you. Maybe he is the only one who has made you feel like this because you havent really met anyone else properly. There are a lot of other decent lads out there clarebel and my only advice would be to just move on from him. things will only get worse...

[ummmm1]

Get over him quick...you never know where you are at with a liar.

[Athley]

Get your trainers on and run like the wind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crete]

this male has assaulted you has been charged and you still find him attractive, im sorry but surely you are worth more than that, should you in the future resume your relationship with him, the message you are giving is that being assaulted is acceptable to you, very possible you may not be the first or last person he has abused.

[clarebel]

Thanks for your suggestions, some of which are helpful in the sense that I should just forget about him but when your self esteem gets so low it is very hard to move on. I miss him badly and I know it sounds mad but he has controlled me for so long that I miss it!

[curlylfim]

if you use this site often clarebel, you will find the above people are very wise, and i would listen to what they have to say

[crete]

clarebel the reason you have low self esteem is because of the way you have been treated, and it has become the norm for you . what part of being controlled do you actually miss ?

[raysparx1]

clarebel, He is clearly in control of your head, you have got to stay away from him, he is a complete control freak and it is as if you are brainwashed as crete says this man has assaulted you and you want more,if you go back you might get more than you want, you are walking a tightrope, get away from him, stay away from him he sounds dangerous to me, he will not change, do you enjoy being controlled ? I really think he has big problems and needs help as you will if you stay with him. you will never have self esteem while with him.

[clarebel]

I can't really put my finger on it, I think a lot of it is that I constantly did things for HIM all the time and have lost the life I had before I met him.I have not very many friends and the ones I do have do not understand what I am going through so are not being very supportive (through no fault of their own) I feel very isolated and am finding it increasingly difficult to get out of the house and do things for myself as I have so much anxiety. I know I need to get out and occupy myself but with the anxiety it is very difficult.

[raysparx1]

Rebuilding your confidence will not happen overnight or within a few weeks, it is a slow process, but for your own sake you must stay away from this man, he will never be any good for you, why not try going to evening classes,try to think of things to occupy your spare time and gradually you will think of him less often, but don't weaken, take it one day at the time, Ray

[ummmm1]

There is nothing worse than a violent liar.....you know where you are at with a thief as they say.....get away from him, honestly, I spent tooooooooo many years with a violent liar.....guess what....hes still a liar. He wont change, end of, get your arse back on the town and meet a nice guy, or lots of nice guys and you will soon realise what a little pr*ck he really is.....

ps...learn by your mistakes

[Solarjunkie]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_vi olence/

See if you can get some help here.
Try & find the strength to appreciate your own qualities, you don't need someone who only gets to feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller.

Good luck.

[stokeace]

please get out of this relationship now before he does some REAL damage to you it wont be long before he alienates you from your friends and family and then you will have no one to turn to.my partner was in a previous relationship with an abusive bloke and it took me 3 years of showing her that i loved her and would never hurt her she knows now that i do love her and would NEVER hurt her but believe me it was hard work the mental scars ran deep and she nearly had a nervous breakdown through him please find the strenghth to move on and find a person that will love and respect you.good luck.x.