Termination

[MrBen5]

If you found out that your mum wanted an abortion whilst pregnant with you or after you were born
1. Would you resent her?
2. How do you think you would feel about having been robbed of a potential brother or sister?

[ummmm1]

You are a glutton for punishment MrBen.....lol

[Mr Tall]

Totally her choice. I wish she'd had 2nd thoughts about my older brother.


Only joking

[MrBen5]

Hey, i just want honest opinions, after getting slated in the other thread. I still think i am right. My mate (29) was adopted and he has only just found out who his mum was last week. When he finally traced her, she didnt want to know him and moved on elsewhere. His dad didnt even know he was born...

[~max~]

First of all, I don't think I'd be here if my mum had "wanted" a termination. She might have considered it at some point, which I would perfectly understand, but my being here pretty much means that she didn't really "want" one. Ok, I could potentially not have been born, but then....how would I know? If I hadn't been born I couldn't feel bad about it, could I? So what would the harm be to me? since there wouldn't BE a ME?

It's all becoming very philosophical here....:-)

And as far as "being robbed" of a brother or sister, I'm afraid I was probably robbed of one every month for about 20 years of my mum's life.

[ummmm1]

Ok......

No I wouldn't resent her because she didn't actually go through with it.

It depends on the circumstances, as a mother of three children there has been certain points in my life that had I got pregnant by mistake I would contemplate having a termination. You have to stand someones shoes to understand their reasons.

[redcrx]

No-one can answer that without having been in that position can they. We'd all like to think that our mums would make the correct decision for them and those around them at the time though dont we?
I know women who have been unable to see an answer except for a termination and even though its been a horrible thing for them to have to do have seen it as the only real option for them.

[ummmm1]

You also have to consider the effects of bringing an unwanted child into the world.

[nat_84]

So what about women on The Pill Ben??

Should they be resented for taking itl?

I think someone that resents their mother for CONSIDERING a termination needs thier head checking.

My mum was on The Pill when she had me and my brother...we were accidents - but i dont resent her for trying to prevent us from being born!

[Pippa68]

My mother really wanted me ~ I was a much longed for child, however she told me she did consider giving me up for adoption when I was 3 as she was a single mum unable to cope..there was no welfare state at the time and she was exhausted from looking after me and holding down a job too.

Of course I did think 'oh that's very nice..not!' but that was it. I don't think badly of her at all really ~ having been left as a single mum myself helped me understand her dilemma.

As for termination, I have had one myself and my older children know about it ~ it happened when they were quite young, and they also know the circumstances. They haven't judged me as yet, but then I have brought them up to try and see the other point of view as much as possible. To walk just a little way in someones shoes..then you may be able to judge ;o)

[MrBen5]

Good answer nat, but maybe when she did find out that she was pregnant she was excited and the thought of abortion never crossed her mind. I dont think you were accidents. A lot of women take the pill, but when they get pregnant, most live up to their responsibilities and accept that they are bringing a new life into the world.
My question actually doesnt relate to the pill, but to a situation. I am not narrow minded, i understand women get caught out and not all pregnancies are planned. I personally would like it if i found out my mum was thinking of having an abortion when she was pregnant with me or if she had had one. Obviously it depends on the circumstances, but you seem like you would be in a very stable environment and great lifestyle with a guy who wants to be with you and his new child. A lot of women would love your life. It just baffles me to think that someone like you could consider it...

[MrBen5]

* i personally wouldnt like it...lol

[Pippa68]

That last sentence beggars belief. I am off to blow my top.

Narrow minded? oh yes....

[ummmm1]

You consider it because if you get pregnant by accident, as I did at 18, You don't know what the fathers reaction is going to be. Will he stand by you or will he walk away? I think in the first few weeks of finding out you are pregnant you consider everything. When the shock has worn off you then think more rationally.

[nat_84]

i live at home with my mum and brother - in the smallest room in the flat...

even though me and my fella are on decent wages we still couldnt afford to buy even a 1 bedroom flat in London (where we both live)...

We're both still young and had plans to travel in the future...

My boyfriend has other financial commitments (car and loan)..

My parents wanted me to have an abortion as did my brother (so i suppose in your eyes my child will hate them...?!)

I may need to give up work in order to have this child, as my company is extremely small...i'm stressing about telling him right now!!

All this plus the physical aspects of vomitting, tiredness, headaches and more...

Any help?

[spurslady]

It all comes down to individual choice, but whoever it has happened to needs to remember that their parent didn't make the choice of having an abortion in the end and had them. Surely that counts for something.

[MrBen5]

Yeah sorry ummmm1, i realise it would cross your mind, but would you have to really consider it for a long period? All i am saying is that if your having sex, surely you must realise that there is a possibility that you can get pregant. Maybe i am totally misunderstanding you all, but i would think a woman must think the 'what if' scenario. Surely you dont just wake up and find out your pregnant and then decide there and then...

[Pippa68]

Do men think about it too? just wondering, as it isn't the woman having sex all by herself that gets her pregnant ;o)

I very much doubt that someone not using contraception would say they got pregnant 'accidently'.

[ummmm1]

Thats ok

I don't think it is so much a case of will I have it or won't I have it? With me anyway, it's more if he doesn't want it what am I going to do?

But he did, so I didn't have to consider anything for more than a day

[curlylfim]

it would only make me love her more, as she decided not too..........

[whiskeysheri]

My younger sister fell pregnant at 18. She was on the pill and took it religiously. She was living with a pretty decent guy, but he was a lot older than her and they hadn't been happy for a while. They had money worries and he was having to sell his house as a result.

When she asked me what I would do in her situation, I told her the truth; that I would probably consider a termination. She had no job as she was looking after her boyfriend's two small children and she wasn't getting on particularly well with either of our parents at the time.

She thought it over and decided to keep the baby.

My niece is now two and the light of my life, let alone my sister's. My sister is the best mum in the world to that little girl. She's no longer with the guy, but they manage perfectly without him.

I don't think it would even cross my niece's mind to resent her mum if she found out that she had considered a termination. If a pregnancy is unplanned, it's only natural to consider your options.