Low Self Esteem

[Willow Tree]

Does anyone else out there have really low self esteem and low confidence? I think im really disgustingly ugly and hate looking in the mirror. When walking in the street with my friends, they always get looked at by men, cos they're really pretty, whereas im the ugly one. I even think i cant get a job cos im so ugly.

So, does anyone else feel like this?

[banjosister]

Hey Willow, please dont be so hard on yourself. I have low self esteem and low confidence. I did have counselling at one time which was really helpful. To be honest I think I could do with my own personal therapist that I can use daily!

I am beginning to become a recluse, I only go out when I absolutely have to, these things are not necessarily about looks but how you feel about yourself as a whole.

Sending love to you xxxx

[Willow Tree]

Thanks banjosister. :) I'll look into seeing a counsellor.

[banjosister]

Hey Willow,

Don't give up if the first counsellor is not right for you, sometimes it can take a while to find the right person.

Funnily enough my son bought me my own personal therapist that you put in water to grow one year for Christmas!

Guess he knows his Mum well lol!

Look after yourself xx

[Willow Tree]

Thank you! :)

I hope i do feel better, cos i hate feeling like this. I hardly ever go out neither and im only 21! x x

[banjosister]

Willow,

It will take time but there is no reason it won't work. I have to say that I spent my first two sessions completely in tears - must have used all her tissues! It takes a lot of honesty about yourself which is difficult and emotional - something we girls do well!

It might be worth speaking to your gp as its helpful to be reffered, there sometimes be long waiting lists.

One thing that taught me about confidence and how people view me was when I was 18 I had shoulder length hair, I went to the barbers and had a no. 3 skinhead.

People behaved in a completely different way to me. I have thought of this a lot over the years.

If you go out with a big smile on your face, people will smile back and want to talk to you.

If you go out looking like you want to kill, people will avoid you like the plague.

It's all about how you feel inside, unfortunately at the moment I feel like you. Unloved and lonely.

Tomorrow is another day and I am hoping to wake with a smile on my face and tomorrow will be much better.

Sending hugs xxx

[Willow Tree]

Sending hugs to you too - your post made me cry.

I do smile at people a lot and always get a smile back, but then i also think ''i bet they think im well ugly''. I cant help it. I just wish i was pretty like my friends.

[zipadeedodah]

Just wanted to say that I do know how you feel. I'm 21 too, and I think I should be out enjoying life, but I just don't. I have issues about myself, and like you, hate looking in a mirror. I feel so inferior to my friends, who are all slimmer and far prettier than me. It makes me really self-conscious when I'm out of the house. Quite often I find I forget how much I hate what I look like, but then catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or see a photo of me and think 'oh my god I look so awful...'. I'm actually surprised that my friends are friends with me...I wouldn't really blame anyone for not bothering with me much. Whilst I've never been happy with myself, I think because there's a number of other things at the moment that I'm not happy with, I have become even more negative.

[Willow Tree]

Zipadeedodah, that is exactly how i feel. I also hate looking in a shop window or in the window in the bus stop.

[zipadeedodah]

Ha yep absolutely! Clothes shopping is the worst - I HATE going in changing rooms - surrounded by mirrors! I leave the shops feeling 10 times worse than when I went in!

[Willow Tree]

Yeah, the same here! I hate clothes shopping full stop! Nothing ever looks right!

[zipadeedodah]

Do you ever talk to people about how you feel? As in friends/family?

Do you cover up your lack of confidence by acting happy around people you know, or can people pick up on the fact you're unhappy with yourself?

[Willow Tree]

I dont really talk to anyone about it, besides myself (in my head), cos if i talk to my friends, they say ''oh, dont be daft, you're really pretty'', but i just wish they would tell me the truth, instead of lying to me.

Yeah, i do cover up my lack of confidence by acting happy - its like putting a mask on for going out the house, if you get what i mean? I duuno if people pick up in it, but there have been days when im feeling really unhappy and the 'mask' slips a bit and people will ask if im ok. I just say ''yeah, im just a little tired'' or summat like that.

[banjosister]

Hello again Willow,

Don't think that just because they are pretty they don't have some of the same feelings that you have.

Things still get you down no matter what you look like.

My ex was always going on about how ugly he was. I couldn't see it myself. He is the loveliest man I have ever met. There have been times when stuff is going on between us and I wonder where that gorgeous man has gone.

You'll probably find that once you start talking you won't be able to stop! I found an hour disappeared amazingly fast, as each week went on I found a new confidence in myself. I might even take my own advice and get myself some more .

I need to learn to love myself again and I think you need that too.

Love xx

P.s don't use changing rooms, take the stuff home if it's no good take it back. Apart from anything else retail therapy is necessary! and much cheaper this way x

[zipadeedodah]

Yeah that's very similar to me.

I've always been useless at expressing my feelings, or talking about myself to people I know, especially face to face. Some people pick up on little things more than others, which are usually those times I've had abit of a rough day and havn't really got the energy to pretend to be overly happy.

[Willow Tree]

Thank you banjosister and zipadeedodah :)

I will take onboard what you have both said. I am also glad that im not the only one who feels like this and that you understand the way i feel. I hope we feel better and a lot happier than we are, like banjosister - you sound a lot happier than what you said you have been.

Hugs to both of you x x x

[banjosister]

Willow,

It comes and goes. It's nice to empathise with people.

Take care, I'm off for an early night at last.

xxxxx

[Trinny]

Hello Willow, reading your post is so sad. I bet you are not ugly. But negative thoughts running round in your head, can make you feel this way. I have had bad times in the past with low self esteem, but as I have got older, I have realised that its a circle of negativity. And breaking out of it is what you need to do.

How do you know your friends get looked at and not you? Is it because you are telling yourself this?

In the past, on bad days, I felt 100% better when I have dressed myself up, put on some lippy, and just feeling good about myself.

You probably think I am making this sound so simple. But it is the negative thoughts running through your head, that is making you feel this way.

I bet you are lovely.

Working will reinforce your self esteem, believe me. Can you not get a job (you are not too ugly to get a job ok)

It would do wonders for your self esteem if you could.

If I can help you at all I will. I dont have low self esteem now. But did at one time. Now I feel fantastic. So you can get over it.

Sending you lots of luck x

[LostStar]

Hello all you beautiful people. I have low confidence and used to spend many nigths crying myself to sleep hating who i was.. but then discovered the wonders of FAKING IT!! Seriously, i know it sounds crap, but it's all aboutbeing a good actor - but not faking your personality, just the fact that [without being up yourself] you are confident and a happy person. You have to set yourself a goal ad stick to it, start off by saying 'i am going to smile at three strangers today' and more often than not they will smile back - you will get a moody b*gger who will look at you like 'what?' but they just can't believe that someone is smiling at them/ have low-self-esteem themselves/ someone may have just died, but eventually move on to people you like/fancy... Nobody likes somewone who is chesire-cat smiley alllllll the time, but walk into work and give a beaming smile and say 'good morning everbody' - you have to hold your head up and don't nothing knock you in public - save it for when you get home. One of my closest friends was amazed when i confided that i'm not this uber-confident lass, always look for the positive in something, don't start looking for the negatives otherwise you'll never stop - i am the worlds best over-analyser!

Deep breath, smile and hold that head up high, everyone is attractive in their own way. Best of luck, and good idea about the couselling.Take care of yourself.x

[LostStar]

*'don't let nothing knock you in public' [sorry]

[shoebydoeby]

Hiya Willow, I bet if you ask your friends they will all say they feel just like you, the truth is that people don�t really notice other people that much because their too busy worrying about what people are thinking about them!! If you act confidant then people really do believe it and soon you will start to believe it yourself!! Get all your friends together and go out on a girly night at the weekend, and just have fun!! Trust me a girl having a laugh and not caring what she looks like will be more attractive to a guy then someone who stands in the corner with a frown on their face. I�m 20, a size 18, and I don�t think I�m pretty but I don�t care what anyone else thinks, I know my friends love me for me no matter how slack I am sometimes, and they are there to cheer me up when I have a fat and ugly day!!

Take care, and try not to worry too much, you only live once!! Xxx :)