Funniest joke

[LeedsRhinos]

I konw it's been asked before but I thought it time for an update.
What is the funniest joke you know?

[David H]

That would take too long, but a quick one that got me at the time is:

What did the skeleton say to the toilet?

You won't get anything out of me!

[carrust]

What goes clip?

A 1 legged horse !

[andy-hughes]

A man goes to a facy drerss party stark naked, carrying a woman on his back.

"Who are you supposed to be?" asks the host.

"I'm a Mutant Ninja Turtle." replies the man.

"Well who is she?" asks the host.

"It's Michelle!" replies the guest.

[jedimistress]

I flew with BA once. It was the worst flight I ever took, he just kept moaning all the time about how he wasn't getting on no plane.

[jimmonas]

my mates dog runs to the corner of the room every time the door bell rings it's a boxer

[sddsddean]

My mate drowned in a bowl of Alpen. He was pulled under by a strong current!

[JDOvengloves]

One snowman said to another snowman - Can you smell carrots ?

[JDOvengloves]

Two cannibals eating a clown - one says to the other - Does this taste funny to you ?

[JDOvengloves]

Two parrots were sitting on a perch - one says to the other - Can you smell fish ?

[XX=ZOE=XX]

man and wife go to a fancy dress party
the man asks the wife what are you going as she says i dunno i cant think of anything so the man says to her pull your pis ss flaps ova ur hed and go as a sugar puff

[XX=ZOE=XX]

a man goes into a pub and orders several shots of vodka.
after hes drunk them hes really ******,
as last orders are coming in he gets a couple more sfter them hes smashed out of his face
the barmaid tells him to go
so he gets up and falls flat on his face
he thinks to himself 'i dont want the barmaid seeing me so i will crawl outside and get up out there' so he goes outside gets up and falls flat on his face,
he thinks to himself 'i only live 2 blocks away so every blok i get to ill trry get up at'
so he gets to the first block gets up and falls flat on his face
he gets to the second block gets up and falls flat on his face
eventuallly he gets home, crawls into bed and falls asleep
the next morning his wife says to him 'u were drunk last night wernt u?'h says 'how did u no' she says' u left your wheelchair at the pub'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[curlyperm]

why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?


Tequilla

(got that off here ages ago, still makes me laugh)

[curlyperm]

Husband and wife get invited to a party, and the theme is Christmas, and everyone has to bring something relating to christmas, wife takes some fairy lights, and gives them to the host, followed by her husband who hands the host a pair of knickers, puzzled............the host says 'Hey its a christmas theme - so why the knckers' Husband says 'Oh theyre Carols'

[SOMMERS]

Paddy & Murphy need a drink. They pool their money but only have 50p. Paddy goes into a butchers and buys a sausage. They visit a near by pub where,before entering, Paddy puts the sausage down his pants. They order two pints and quickly down them. When the barmaid asks for payment. Paddy unzips his fly and Murphy kneels down and starts sucking the sausage. Your'e disgusting screams the barmaid and orders them out. Paddy & Murphy make their way to the next pub for a repeat performance. After the seventh pub, and being a little bit worse for wear, Murphy says I can't do this anymore, my knees are killing me. Your knees ! says Paddy what about me - I lost the sausage after the second pub.

[purplerockie]

A bloke goes to the doctor and says "I keep feeling like a moth"
The doctor says "you need to see a psychiatrist"
The bloke says "I know I was on my way to see him, but I noticed your light was on".

[Philtaz]

An alligator tamer is doing his act when he comes to the finale. Having subdued the gator, he announces to the crowd that he will place his penis into the beasts jaws.
The crowd gasp as he places his tadger on its lower teeth then gently lets the animals jaws shut. After a few minutes, he clouts the beast on the head with a club and its jaws pop open, his member intact.
He says to the crowd "Anyone else fancy having a go"?
Paddy stands up and says "Ok, but promise you won't hit me on the head as hard as you did the gator"!

Still makes me laugh after al these years.................

[jus.jules]

did you her about the bloke with five dicks?
his pants fit like a glove!

[snotneck]

Iestyn Harris's contract.
Bow to the Bulls, sonny.
heh heh

[jimmonas]

I HEARD THERE DOING ABORTIONS ON THE NHS NOW, BUT THERE'S A TWELVE MONTH WAITING LIST !! (i guess most of the uneducated chavs won't get this)