What would you do?

[coggles]

If a good friend of yours said they were going to end their life, what would you do?

[treaclefight]

hmm, difficult one, an the one hand you have to respect their own autonomy on the other hand you should help them, although thats not always possible. But the fact that they've told you that they want to do this, implies that they want to talk more than they want to commit that act, probably not easy listening and the possibility that you will fuel their despair more than ease it. a very difficult question, thankyou for posting it coggles.

[coggles]

so what do you think i should do now treacle?

[coggles]

The thing is, lots of people know this friend is not happy and we would all like to help, but they will not respond.

[treaclefight]

unfortunately i have been through this with more than one person (unrelated). Physical company, someone just being there, quietly waiting for the person in question to talk is helpful, is that possible? its going to be difficult to help if your limitted to phones etc, but ultimately, if someone is genuinely suicidal, you have to hand over to the professionals.

[treaclefight]

this is really hard to answer within the privacy rules of answerbank.

[brawburd]

I feel very strongly that only the person can take and hold responsibility for suicide. That doesn't make it any less painful for those who want it not to happen. I think the very real emotion most people feel in these circumstances, whether dealing with threatened or actual suicide, is complete powerlessness. I agree with treaclefight that wanting to talk about it is often a sign that someone won't go through with it. In the end we can only be who we are to that person, be there for them in some way, and hope they know that. Suicide is the bravest and and also the most selfish thing a person can do.

[Janetex]

I have had some experience with this. If a person is in a state of "despair", there is little you can do and expert help should be sought. However a person in such a state is not likely to have mentioned it. This taboo subject is often best discussed as a viable option, amongst all other viable options. Good luck.

[coggles]

So what can we do to help him?

[incitatus]

the samaritans can indeed help. Im not on board with the idea that all suicides are of unsound mind, but i believe that it is only in a very rare circumstance that one should do nothing to help change their mind. (terminal disease being one). What worked for me was the thought of how my family/freinds would react and how dissappointed they would be. not much of a reason to spit out the pills but it worked. others will have other reasons. but importantly it is always interhuman interactions, the contacts we have with others, that can persuade us to ggive it another go. My life picked up. they almost always do. the trick is to persuade someone to hang in there until it does. im worried too cogs.

[coggles]

Have you heard from him?

[incitatus]

no, but as a bok newby i wouldnt expect to. tone of posts grim.:-(

[archbishop]

I haven't heard from him either, but you know where I am and if I can help I will.

[paulz]

Try & get them to talk - to someone - anyone. From my own experience [a] I know what it's like to be at rock bottom, seeing no future, nothing to look forward too, see in happiness in. [b] I also know when you get whatever makes you sit up and realise what life can offer it's like a weight off your shoulders. Very limited experience of two fairly close people taking their own lives, one was threatening too, telling all & sundry in what could've been a cry for help that was either not heard or ignored the other one planned everything out to the last, told no-one and went off and did it. Whatever the recriminations you may/may not feel afterwards, you mustn't beat yourself up over it if they succeed in their threat/wish; despite their state of mind it was still their decision. To sum up I'd say if they've talked through everything that's led up to this, their hopes/fears/woes/joys and are still going for it I don't know what else you can do. Samaritans won't as far as I know ring out to inititate a call. The person concerned must instigate it. sorry for the ramble.

[incitatus]

tartan i broadly agree with you.

[coggles]

Many thanks everyone. I have tried IM but no response. Any of you tried? If so, what has been said?

[paulz]

TW - I appreciate what you are saying. What I tried to put in words, was that person concerned should have talked it through until there was nothing left to say and then talk some more. If they were "serious" they'd do it anyway and we wouldn't know until too late. I didn't mean to give off 'don't care' but having gone through al lthat what more can one person/people/an expert do? am I making any sense?

[incitatus]

no response, adn i have been taken off the member list with no reason given.......

[monkeyfish]

coggles, if the person concerned wont accept let you contact then you cant do anything but wait and hope that he's sought professional help. i really think this is more than the average person should be expected to deal with. it sounds an awful lot like you are thinking that you are in some way responsible for this person, but if they are suicidal that is their own decision. im disagreeing with TW and inci, as tactfully as possible, you have to allow this person control of their own life, if you take over then you undermine the perception of self control that will ultimately be their lifeline, it is more likely that this person is considering death than actively pursuing it, you want them to make the choice to live so you have to allow them freedom of choice, but whatever their choice is, the best thing you can do is ensure that professional help is there, this is not something the average person could or should be dealing with. whats more, all the time this person is relying on you, they could be rejecting professional help. without detailed knowledge of whats going on, all this advice could be missing the point anyway. track me down on im if you want.