How can you deal with family that you just cant cope with?

[Furner]

My sister is older then me by about 8 years, I have always had to endure years of jealousy and nasty comments and can seem to never win, either I'm not fat, to thin, everthing I have is no good.. that sort of thing. My sister is married and her husband is even worse, they are both so competitive with everyone in the family and it puts everyone off wanting to be around them but no one is prepared to stand up and say 'we've had enough' no one in the family is interested in competing with anyone else but unfortunately they make you feel really bad if you dont have as good a mobile phone as them of anything that they consider to be not worthy. I know this may seem really petty and indeed I'm aware that they are like this because they are not happy in their own lives but is it fair that everyone else should suffer as a result when we are so content just to get along with things and appreciate what we have. How much should anyone be prepared to take for a family member?

[hotpink]

Well I'm in my early twenties and my sister is ten years older than me, and about a year ago I cut my ties with my sister. I had had enough of her and I don't regret it. I could go on and on about all the cr*p I had to put up with from her, she accused me of sleeping with her boyfriends, she constantly was jealous of everything I did, she put me down in public, she used to tell me my dad beat up my mum etc etc. She was always an attention seeker and has really done some things in her life that would make your eyes pop out, and it got to the point where I couldn't cope with it anymore. I'm a nice person, I've always been there for her and she always threw it back in my face. So for one reason or another I just stopped talking to her. It was easier than arguing with her and her threatening me. My mum still puts up with it though and I dont think she should, she gets so stressed about it all, its no good for her. I think if this was someone you worked with or someone you went to school with, you wouldn't put up with it. But you feel you have to because its family... But life is short and you need to spend quality time with the ones you love as you never know whats around the corner.

[chitchat]

I wouldnt put up with way she treats you but thankfully I am not in your position.

You should ask yourself "would my life be better or worse without her? " If you think that you would be better off then make the break.

Have you tried to tell her how you feel about her? Perhaps you should and then the ball in her court. Whatever you decide is going to be hard and I wish you well.

[amonty1144]

It is generally true that you can choose your friends but not your family. My mother died last year, whilst she was dying in hospital my lovely brother and his wife stripped her house, my equally delightful neice took the jewellry, which incidentally was mine from years ago. They even took some aeroplane memorabilia that my mum had wanted to give to my son

Consequently I speak to none of them, it is hard to cut the ties but I can't abide them.

I suppose you have to look at her behaviour and see if you can live without her, it's no good trying to explain it cos you'll just get hurt.

[monty0703]

I feel the same as the other folk who have commented - it's hard to break ties with family. A relative who I'd always trusted stabbed my family in the back financially and I'll never forgive him or his wife. However, I still want to be in touch with their kids which makes for awkward situations. What hurts me most though is that my elderly mother stresses about it and wishes that her family could be happy together again before she 'goes'. The fact that this relative has made my mum think like this makes me hate him even more. At family gatherings I'm civil for my mum's sake but nothing more.

[ReinaLuna]

Furner, I think as hotpink, that life is about spending quality time with people you love. So, being direct, send your sister to H**L! I think sometimes we are so influenced by society, that we think we "have" to do things considered ok, even if we don't feel like.

I think it's good to have an united family when the human beings in the family are worthy! I mean, sometimes you have to go a bit cold and think: hey, they are just people, just because it's my family doesn't mean they are perfect...

For example, if you find out a cousin of yours is a raper, or a drug dealer, well whatever bad thing, would you still be close to this person just "because he's from my family"?

I think we don't choose family, we are born to them, which give us total freedom to also cut the relationship if it's necessary. They are not like friends, that you choose, and then later if they do anything wrong, you blame yourself thinking "why did I trust them"... they are people imposed on us, so, we don't have any debts to them if you know what I mean!

She is not being a sister, she is being a cr*p person, making you unhappy, so... just start to ignore her! You did everything you could (according to yourself) to be in peace, if it didn't work, move on!

Honestly (don't get offended here please) I think what you're going through is a bit typical in England, people here don't say the things at the face, don't go direct to the point, don't act... if she was your daughter, maybe I'd understand why you are accepting so much from her for so long, because mums are softies and it's harder for them to let go of a child... but she is your sister only and maybe the link is not even that strong because of your gap in age? so come on, let her live her competitive life elsewhere ALONE!

hahaha maybe I got too carried away here, sorry, but I really get irritated when I hear of good people suffering because of others in

[ReinaLuna]

In such an unfair way!
Good luck whatever is your decision!