I was one sitting on top of an open-top tram in Blackpool when I needed to fart. Expecting that it was going to be rather loud, I thought I would wait until the tram went round a corner when it would make that loud screeching noise. So, I waited a few minutes and then let RIP. Most unfortunately, on this occasion the tram did not make a noise to cover mine. I then noticed a younf conductor stood behind me and hoping to avoid any embarrassment for him, I enquired "Young man, do you have a timetable?"
He replied " No, I`m sorry lady, but I`ll grab a leaf off the next tree we pass".