Kill me. Kill me now.

[Champagne]

I went out to dinner with my ex-boyfriend last night and admitted that I'm still in love with him.... 4 MONTHS after we broke up!

Do you think I should be put out of my misery? Shot like a lame horse?

[ummmm]

That depends.....What was his response?

[liquidspace]

At least you're not playing games. Life is too short not to be honest and say what it is that you actually want. What was his reaction? Clearly not what you wanted I guess.

[Reverandfunk]

Yes lol. Seriously though why were you going out for dinner? Who suggested it? To me an ex is an ex, you fall out for a reason, one person wants to end it and the other doesn't (did he end it?). All this about being mates with ex's doesn't wash with me, if you can still be mates why can't you still be boyfriend and girlfriend? Anyway just dig a hole and wait for it to get bigger and bigger til it swallows you up ;-)

[Champagne]

I didn't want to be friends with him and kept him at bay for 4 months, but we communicated by text all day yesterday and I managed to get a lot off my chest (he cheated on me so I have been pretty angry for a while). I guess I felt better for it, and agreed to being friends. I told him he owed me dinner though, so he suggested we go out last night.

It was pretty complicated because he admitted to regretting everything and knows that he will never find anybody like me again. So I asked him outright if he still loved me and he said yes. Then I admitted to still being in love with him.

Now he says he's going to do everything he can to get me back in his life.

It's going to be tough as he has a lot of serious issues and I know that he clearly has it in him to cheat on me.

A quick, painless death is definitely the easier solution here methinks. I might kill him first though. ;o)

[ummmm]

Reverandfunk.....I don't agree (surprise surprise)

Things happen in life that make an ex an ex....it's not always about falling out.

[Sasha13]

Hi Champagne!

That sounds like a very successful evening to me - He's said he still loves you, you still feel very strongly for him. You're not making it easy for him by saying lets get back together straight away and that's the way it should be!

Why 'kill me now'?

Did he talk to you about why he cheated on you?
x

[4getmenot]

I'm back with an ex of mine and we're getting on brilliantly

[crete]

did he cheat on you . 4get ?

[liquidspace]

What are his other 'issues' ?

[ummmm]

Your answer wasn't there when I replied.

Cheating is a different ball game.....I have a gun if you want to use it...?

[Champagne]

Well a lot of his problems stem from his addiction to cocaine. He said that he was on the verge of a breakdown and that prompted him to get therapy, which he's doing now. He shielded me from the extent of his problem while we were together and he blames his erratic behaviour on his addiction.

So for me, it's not just a case of getting back together and everything being hunky-dory.

Why oh why is love so complicated?

Thing is, I don't touch drugs! I'm so naive about drugs that I didn't spot the symptoms. He also drinks to excess which I think he needs to address.

He sounds like a complete loser doesn't he??!!! He's not. He's actually a very successful businessman and a lovely, lovely guy, but unfortunately doesn't know how to control his excessive nature. He needs to ground himself.

[4getmenot]

No I dont think I'd have gone back there is he did. He dumped me after about a week coz he got paranoid that I would do it with him. We got together too soon after he had split up from another girl that had cheated on him and I was close mates to the lad she cheated on him with. He couldn�t handle it so he dumped me by txt!! 6 years on he realised what I meant to him, been trying for last year to get me back so I finally gave him a 2nd chance. That will be his last though. He know to talk to me now if he gets any worries about us in his head.

[Sasha13]

Hmm. Very complicated. A lot of people on here will tell you he's a loser and to forget about him, but it's not as easy as that by the sounds of it.

If he sorted out his addiction issues, would you want to be with him, bearing in mind he cheated on you (and to me the drugs are an excuse for that, not a reason)?

Or do you think you could never put that to one side and forgive him for it?

[Champagne]

I really don't have the answer Sasha. All I know is that I'm in love with this man who cheated on me and then spectacularly ditched me, i'm 34 years old and haven't loved like this since my first love at the age of 18, and a big part of me wants him in my life, while the rest of me is telling me to keep the hell away!

All I know is that I'm a very level-headed person so I will keep my wits about me and not do anything irrational. I couldn't possibly go back with him until I knew for sure that he has given up the sex, drugs and rock 'n roll lifestyle. He's gotta grow up at some point.

The way I see it he has three choices;

- becomes a sworn bachelor and lives the lifestyle, and always regrets losing me
- goes through relationship after relationship and never achieves true happiness and always regrets losing me
- gets back together with me and sorts his life out and then lives the dream!

Without sounding vain, I know for a fact that he adores me and knows he messed up big time. That would always stay with him.

[4getmenot]

well if you know that and you love him, get back with him. Problem solved

[Sasha13]

Personally I think you have the right attitude - There's no point writing this guy off straight away as it sounds like you'd always be thinking 'what if' - but you have to take it very very slowly and he has to prove to you that he's kicked this habit. The way I see it he also has to be willing to talk to you about this cheating malarky - definitely got a few extra black marks for this IMO.

I guess it depends on if you want to put your life on hold while you wait and see if he really does change?!

[nedflanders]

Mmmmmmmmathesons.

I think that you should "play it by ear" whatever the hell that means. You know start off very slowly as friends (dont watch any of your dvds together!) and as previously mentioned dont let him in too quickly. Meet up as friends and see how the land lies with regards to his problems and take it from there. Be patient and try to keep your emotions in check however hard it may be until you are confident that you can make it work again.
Yours Truly
Dr Nick Riveira

[buttons]

i think you should keep him as a friend for the interm period. Help him through the rough time that he's going through just now, and be there for him when you can. Cocaine and alcohol addiction will take a lot to get through so be as positive as you can. Talk about your feelings together and be honest. If its worth being together it will be worth waiting a few months till he's over the worst and then being together

[Champagne]

Thanks crazeee peeps!

All your advice is much appreciated. x

[Reverandfunk]

Ex cocaine addict (allegedly), possible alcoholic, adulterer, can you see where this is going.....

I'm sorry but if someone thinks so little of you they can cheat once then they can do it 20 times. I don't care what the "mitigating" circumstances were, cheating in my eyes is unforgivable end of. So will you be able to trust him again 100% after whats go on?? If you can fair play but if you can't then it's going to do your head in bigtime.