Is it cheating?

[think_sweet]

Hey all...going through a bit of a rough time at the mo' so please go easy on me. Just yesterday discovered that my (ex)boyfriend has been chatting to girls over the internet, very local girls aswell! He claims it was a bit of fun and would have NEVER gone any further! After he left I managed to log onto the site after guessing his password just to discover he had about six different girls lined up and was sending dirty messages to them! I immediately ended things and told him how disgusted I was, what upset me the most is that he marked 'single' as his relationship status! He has apologised to me several times and said he is very ashamed of himself, but I cant seem to get it out my head! We are both only 22, there has been no warning signs and have been in a happy relationship for 2 and a half years! Would anyone else class this as cheating or being unfaithful! Any opinions will do, plus has anyone gone though the same? Thanks Think_Sweet xx

[mrknowall]

No just a bit of cyber fun thats all dont let something like this break you up.

[TechGirl]

This depends on the person. If you are quite open about things like that and are both quite happy with the situatioon, then it is not cheating.

If he was deliberately hiding information because he knew how you would react then regardless of whether or not it is cheating, it means he knew his behaviour was wrong.

Only you can decide whether he is likely to learn from his mistake or whether he would see your forgiveness as an opportunity to do it again.

[TechGirl]

Did he actually arange to meet any of the girls?

[crete]

hes a prat , get rid of him

[mrknowall]

Come on tech girl haven't you flerted
All men flert and look at other women and talk to other women,and some time it might get a little over the top.
But nothing happens and no i dont tell the girlfreind as its only a bit of fun it not as if your hiding anything.

[think_sweet]

One of the messages sent by him read, 'Maybe i'll see you out soon', when I confronted him he said he would never dream of meeting up with any of them, but these were girls from the same town, literally down the road!!!! Feeling really down about the whole thing! :(

[society]

thinksweet these things sometimes ruin relationships, homes and marriages so keep your eyes open and your ears alert. you are both young and will be tempted to 'explore'. most likely he might do it again.

[TechGirl]

Yes, Mr K, I flirt. Sometimes outrageously!

I don't flirt with men who live down the road from me though as I wouldn't want to humiliate my husband.

Flirting is harmless. No, I don't tell my husband all conversations I have on the internet but at the same time I would never rub his nose in it.

Like I say, it depends what you consider to be alright. Personally, I'm not particularly jealous and I could never say anything to my husband if he flirted on here. 'Pot' and 'Kettle' springs to mind.

[mrknowall]

I wish someone would flirt with meeeeeee

[mrknowall]

I guess you dont live in my town i think sometimes are all places like the place i live.
But it sound s like there not.

[think_sweet]

He has since cancelled his account etc and even changed his email, I think i just feel very insecure now! One the one hand I kinda feel like ive over reacted and on the other hand If i wouldnt have found it he would have carried on! Really dont know weather to forgive him!

[crete]

mr,k . those are nice trousers your wearing today ? um beige i see.

[TechGirl]

Take some time to think about it think-sweet.

You're young and whatever decision you make and however it works out is all part of lifes experiences.

[TechGirl]

*Makes a mental note - Must flirt with Mr. K*

[mrknowall]

Pls do

[TechGirl]

Patience is a virtue...

[grumpii]

A very similar situation recently happened to me, I have been very hurt and am still quite raw so I dont wish to comment too much, all I can say is it is decietful and underhand. He wasnt ashamed of himself while he was doing it, he is only saying it to try and win you back. At your age and marital status I would say get out as quickly as you can, he obviously wants something other than you. good luck and try to look to a brighter future.

[ummmm]

When he marked his status as 'single' did you check out the options? I have marked my status as single many times as there sometimes isn't an option for 'I have a boyfriend'

[think_sweet]

Yeah he definately marked it as single purposely, other options included married, divorced and in serious relationship! I dont want him to think he can get away with it but I only split up with him yesterday and i'm heartbroken :(

[ummmm]

Think Sweet....think_sweet.

There is a very good chance that he was just after cyber fun and nothing more. Not that many people take it that step further. Just take a little time out to have a think and sort out how you feel, then go back and have a good long chat with him about what you do and do not find acceptable.