Hi all! Advice needed please xx

[daffidazey]

I posted a while back stating that mine and my husbands relationship was not going too well, and that I had feelings for someone else but hadn't done anything about it. I decided to talk to my husband and make our marriage work. I found out at christmas that my husband was cheating and that he'd also been lying about quite a few other things, that was the last straw for me and i took my kids and walked out. I got back in touch with the man i had feelings for and we have carried on talking since, but thats all we do. He says he wants to move nearer me but 5 months down the line he hasn't, if I question him he says to be patient he still has things to sort at that end. I'm not sure if he is stringing me along or not! To make things more complicated I have met someone here that gives me butterflies, we have been for a drink a couple of times and at the weekend we kissed. He makes me feel amazing but he has been single for a long time and I'm not sure if he is looking for a relationship, I know I have strong feelings for the original man but I have never experienced the whole butteflies thing before! Sorry this is a bit long winded! lol! But my question is - What do I do? Who do I go for? Or should i just give up all together? Please advice as best as you can. Many thanks xx

[Rosenicola]

There is no time limit for the butterflies. Just for as long as you're loved up I suppose - LOL

The butterflies is a good sign as if he makes you feel this good it's a good sign.

Don't put a time limit on things as all situations vary and you will just frustrate yourself once this time has elapsed and the situation hasn't changed.

It's all fun, so just go with the flow.

I'm a very impatient person and i start to get insecure if a man doesn't call me or text me all the time and it's daft of me really.

This other guy is still making his mind up, but don't put you life on hold for hom.

See the new guy, see how it goes and if the 5 monther does move near you, see how your life is at the time.

You could be loved up with new guy or u could hate him.

Only time will tell and i don't think you can really make a decision until the time comes. It's hard to determine what could and might happen that far ahead and how u might feel.

Just don't sit around and base your life on other PPL's decisions, do what YOU want and as i said before, it'll all work out

xx

[Rosenicola]

I understand it's not fair on the guys, but at the same time is it fair for daffeydazie to sit around whilst the five month guy makes a decision he had supposedly made a few months ago.

I just think if she likes this new guy, she should see how things go.

Cos they are both casual relationships, it's not like you have to decide whether to marry them or not.

I just think keeping options open and trying to prevent hurting others is the best way for yourslef.

Anyway, that's my opinion and i turned out ok without enemies - LOL

[4getmenot]

Yes I wasn�t getting at you and you�re right she shouldn�t have to wait if she doesn�t want to. I would have never asked my partner to wait I just said then wasn�t the right time but if he could wait for me then maybe, but would never have made him coz that isn�t fair.

[daffidazey]

I'm not asking anyone to wait for me, I hope that's not what you think 4getmenot. I just know that I have strong feelings for one that I think might be dragging his feet as he did say originally when this happened a year ago that he would wait for me, when I made the decision to leave he told me to let him know when I had sorted myself out then he would be there, but that was months ago and he still isn't here, I'm starting to wonder if I am hanging on for nothing. Where as new man just makes me melt but is that enough? or is this only because I have known him for a few weeks? The more I think about it, the more confused I get! xx

[4getmenot]

no I was more on about him making you wait now. Maybe the whole situation has p!ssed him off a bit coz as I said you chose the husband.

[Rosenicola]

I wasn't thinking anything 4getmenot, like u said, we all have our opinions ;-)

I just think that d should take her time and stuff and shee how things go.

Daffidazey, try not to read to much into things as u may come up with all the wrong answers.

And like u said, the more u think of it, the more confused u get.

Take deep breaths and relax - LOL :-)

Get a babysitter, make yourself look sexy and glamorous and GO ENJOY your butterflies man! - LOL

Deal with 5 monther when he comes back..

xx

[Rubyrose]

Don't put all your eggs in one basket!
Who says you have to choose right now?

I may be wrong but as you have kids from your marriage I am guessing you were with him a long time? So it's been a while since you 'played the field'..
Now you spent how many year with your husband? Only to find out that he wasn't the one for you... and all of a sudden you are rushing the descision between these two guys?

The fact that you are unsure of both of these guys should be telling you to slow things down! There is no rush... no pressure... just take each day as it comes. Tell the guy who is moving to be closer to you, that you are unsure of what you want just now and you want to be sure before you make any commitments.... if he is serious about you.. you will know when he tries to fight for you. Ask the other guy what he wants from all this? You don't have to put pressure on him or make him promise you the world.. but just let him know you don't want to be wasting your time!

In the mean time I suggest you concentrate on you... do the things that make you happy and look after you and your children and the rest should all fall into place.

We can only truly be happy with someone when we are truly happy with ourselves!

[Rosenicola]

Well said Rubyrose - :-)

[Rubyrose]

Thanks Rosenicola.. I try my best ;o)

[Rubyrose]

Having just read your last post Daffi... maybe it wouldn't do any harm to go to a therapist and get some clarity on the situation?
I have done it before and it's so good because really we know all the answers we just need someone to make us realise them! And in a calm and totally relaxed enviroment... you will experience some realisations.

Rrx

[daffidazey]

Thanks all! I guess no decisions need to be made yet. I'm gonna leave things the way they are, have fun with butterfly man, it is a new experience to me as i was married for 12 years. I guess things will happen when they are ready to. I'll keep things as they are although I feel like I'm 'seeing' two men at once and I feel guilty! I'm going to try and just step back and not get too involved either way and see how it makes me feel. Thankyou again for all of your advice, I appreciate it xx

[4getmenot]

sounds like a good plan :-)