Overbearing Mother

[Sasha13]

Hi all, hoping you can help. My Mum and I are very close and are in touch quite regularly. Recently though I am finding myself getting annoyed with the number of texts and emails I am getting off her. She'll text or email me in the morning and if I don't reply she'll text or email again asking if I'm OK. If I don't reply to that within an hour or so she has been known to call friends or collegaues to make sure I'm OK. Or she'll text saying 'call me when you get home and have eaten tea' then half an hour later she'll text again saying 'Am I around for a chat?'. She's going through a bit of a hard time at the moment so I feel guilty and unsupportive, but it's driving me mad! Am I wrong to want a bit of space? Have any of you been in this situation and if so, how did you deal with it?

[smudge]

I can understand to a degree why you feel the way you do Sasha, 'specially the constant checking up on you. But I'm sure it's only 'cos she loves & cares about you.

Perhaps you could have a gentle little word saying that you're not allowed too many incoming emails or calls at work.

I wish I could receive phone calls from my Mum, but they don't have them up in Heaven.....

Good luck.

[bigmamma]

I feel the same as smudge . It 's difficult for I understand , as you wouldn't want to offend her .
However , my mother too recently passed away and I would love to get a phone call , ( she couldn't figure out how to text ), from her again.
I know this probably doesn't answer your question love :-)

[yinyang]

My mum went a bit like this when my dad was in hospital recently. She would text me about 5 times a day then phone me at night, usually just to tell me that nothing had changed since the last time we'd been in touch. Obviously I was worried too and wanted updates but there was a stage when there was just nothing happening.
If I didn't answer my text within about 15 minutes she would text again ,and if I didn't answer that she would start calling the house phone.
I think it was just nerves and anxiety and because she was worried about my Dad she became scared that something was going to happen to one of us too.
It does get too much and it's hard to set boundaries without hurting her feelings. When she would text in the afternoon I would thank her for the update and say that I knew she had a lot to do so she didn't have to get in touch again that day unless something changed, or say that I had promised to take the girls to the park/ swimming etc and wouldn't be able to answer my mobile and wouldn't be at home. I always ended by promising to call her to catch up on everything as soon as I could.
I found that this gave me back some control and as long as she knew where I was and that I would be in touch soon, she backed off a bit.
Hope this helps. x

[wigglebum]

I'd love to have you mum coz mine I'm sure comes from mutant genetics lab!!

Although I do get where you're coming from and its not wrong to want your own space and although she may be having a hard time, I sure it's not your fault and at the end of the day she's your mum not the other way round. You can only be so supportive when you've got your own life which we can all appreciate she gave to us but that doesn't mean she owns you or your free time. Don't know if this is making sense but I'm in a similar situation apart from my mum is an evil troll.

The only way I deal with it is to get on with your on life as best you can and speak to your mum when you can not when she wants xx

xx

[4getmenot]

my mum hates text because its not included in her minutes. Although I love having chats with my mum she never comes round mine and has only been round once since I moved there. She knows not to interupt me without notice. I visit her all the time. But sometimes you can be too close. I like it how it is. Think you need to tell her how you feel or say you've had a warning at work about calls.

[Mammar]

I started to read this panicking in case you were my daughter posting under an alias!
I know what you mean about us Mums. The trouble is we never stop loving you and missing you and texting is a fairly non-intrusive way to keep in touch but I do agree with you that she seems to be doing it a bit much.
She perhaps just needs a bit of reassurance. Try sending one saying "Really Mum. I'm ok. Don't worry. I love you" and see if that works.
Saddo that I am I keep all the nice ones like that in my inbox so I can read them when I miss my lot. OK - you can fetch a bucket now!
And I hope you don't mind but I'd like to send a hug to smudge, bigmamma and all the others out there who would love a text from their Mums. You could always text ME! x x x x

[wigglebum]

Oh Mammar if only you were my mum - Please adopt me my mum absolutely hates me right now after another blazing row and that's all about the sympathy she wants constant attention which I can't give as I am a mother myself and need to concentrate on them. I've tried so many times with my mum and she's just awful to me :o(

Sorry to go off topic Sasha just having a rant xx

[PinkFizz]

I wish I had a mum who cared like that. My mother is very very difficult and has been know to go a year without even contacting me herself. I rang her yesterday coz I just needed a friendly word and she basically said she didn't have time to talk to me. Anybody want to adopt me??

[bigmamma]

AAWW Thankyou for that lovely hug Mammar :-)...Bless xx

[smudge]

Just popped back & bawled reading the last few posts....

Thank you so much for your kindness Mammar - I can feel your hug! -x-

I'm also so sorry to hear about your Mum bigmamma - hope you're coping okay. -x-

The shock of losing my Mum & Dad within 20 months of each other was awful for our big close family. The pain never really goes away, but it does get easier as time passes.

[smudge]

P.S. I don't think my Mum would have been able to get her head round texting either bigmamma!

I took her to the cash point with me once & she thought there was someone standing behind the machine handing out the money. I wouldn't mind, but it was 9 o'clock at night!God bless her. -x-

(Sorry to hijack your thread Sasha).

[bigmamma]

Smudge , you are very sweet :-) xx

[pastafreak]

Oh gawd!!! I know exactly how MAMMAR felt-just relieved to realize I don't text my daughter THAT much! But I have to admit I do panic a bit when she doesn't respond quickly ( like NOW!) enough. esp when she sends me txts about how hung over she is etc etc... She is 150 miles away and she is the only family I have here as her dad and i are seperated and my family is back in the states...sooo i guess i want to hold on to her a bit. Just be patient with your mum...if she is like the majority of us she can't help it. a BIG BIG HUG TO ALL OF YOU WHO WISH YOU HAD TEXT-HAPPY MUMS!

[pastafreak]

Me again...if her dad fones asking whether i have heard from her, i am immediatly texting her to see if she is ok...sad,huh?

[Mammar]

I see a need here.
Wiggle - am drawing up adoption papers. Anybody else while I'm at it?
See Sasha - me and pasta - we Mums can't help it but I'm sure if you're as close as you say you are with your Mum, you only need to explain and she'll understand.

[Sasha13]

Hi guys - thanks for all your answers - it's given me food for thought. I know I'm lucky that she cares and I'm grateful that she's around - I'm going on holiday next week and she won't be texting me that much then so maybe I'll see things differently when I get back, after a break so to speak.

Thanks again. x

[smudge]

Have a lovely holiday Sasha - no doubt you're dear Mum will text you wherever you are, but better than not at all. -x-

Thank you for the hug pastafreak - us Mum's eh?! -x-

[smudge]

*your not you're!

[fran2]

Im missing my daughter texting me. She got married last Friday and is on honeymoon. If I dont text her for a couple of days she rings me to ask why not! Then she says I nag her,cant win:-))

[fran2]

Hi Sasha, You say your Mum's having a bit of a hard time at the moment. Maybe she needs your support? I lost both my parents within 18 months of each other and would love to be able to text them or hear their vioces. Try to be patient with Mum for a while at least:-)