how would you feel?

[confused79]

If you knew full well your partner goes on porn websites probably to masturbate when your not around and mention it to him that you know he does it but not as an agrument i just metion it to him.
Bear in your mind my partner had also in past put himself on dating websites as a free and single Dad, then in november last year cheat on you with an ex, would you still mistrust this person, cos now they are doing this. He has sworn to me he is in love with me regrets what he has done in past and wouldnt do it again. Will he just get comfortable again and feel he can cheat or put himself on websites again?
tell me anybody am i mad?

[4getmenot]

yep I'd have got rid of him back then. And he said he's sorry which usually means a bit of making up and he's not even trying to make up for what he did. Get rid

[Pippa68]

I agree with 4get..it wouldn't have got to this stage if it were me!

I don't think you are mad..maybe just a bit deluded.

[confused79]

im not deluded, as i have been married before for 7 years and didnt put up with it as my ex had an affair, we tried for a bit but our relationship was dead. But this time with my partner its different, i dont beleive all this stuff once a cheat always a cheat stuff but all thats annoying me is that he goes on web sites fair ebough its porn but then says he dont this is the thing that annoys me, im no prude far from it, but what i'm saying is as of the mistrust in the past and now i have built it back up doing things like looking on sites then saying hes not, it getting me thinking again,

[4getmenot]

yer and the mugs always say 'this time its different' sorry for being so blunt but I do believe in once a cheat... he may not be cheating but these websites where he denies being with you may mean he's on his way there

[4getmenot]

if you really believed he wouldnt then you wouldnt even be thinking about it.

[confused79]

Yeah i know what your saying but i think its cos ive been treat so badly and walked over in past if why i really have mistrust problems, i have posted about it before and im constantly checking what he does and he knows i do, so i dont know if its me that was too trusting and he cheated on me now im too mistrusting if that makes anty sense

[Pippa68]

You asked how we would feel. He has basically cheated on you twice. To me that is two times too many.

As for mistrust, you have every right to mistrust him haven't you?

[4getmenot]

you're being walked over in present too though. You should learn from the past and not just let people do it again. I'm sure you are worth more than that. xx

[4getmenot]

and dont blame yourself, if you were to trusting that gives him no right to sleep with someone else.

[redhead23]

wow he cheats on you with an ex !!!!! oh my get out of it for goodness sake

self respect , plenty of men out there

[andy-hughes]

The pron / masturbation is not realy an issue - except that you see it as a symptom of a bigger issue. He probably lies because he is embarassed, but in view of his history, lying to save face is not an option he should be considering.

You may benefit from some professional counselling - see if Relate can offer some outside perspective. Meanwhile, try to encourge some exchanges of feelings between you - communication seems to be a problem, and you are at the 'nothing to loose' stage here - you can only go forward, so see what works for you both.

[nuoyg]

If someone that I was going out with posted themselves on websites and then cheated on me, I would not be with them. The trust would be gone and I know what I'm like and couldn't live a life with someone who whenever they're out of my sight I'd be wondering about what they are doing who they are with etc etc. I just wouldn't be comfortable with someone once they ratfinked on me.

[joepublic]

You have said that you are constantly checking on him, so you do't trust him and if you can't trust your partner, a big chunk of what makes a relationship work has gone. Not that I blame you in the slightest as he sounds totally untrustworthy.

It sounds as though he has a problem.

It s also interesting that you have now dated 2 men who have cheated on you. Would he consider going to Reate or Marriagecare with you?

[4getmenot]

Can I just say my past hasn�t been great with men but I don�t even question anything about my new bloke because I trust him 100%.

[helster]

Hi,
I'm sorry to say that it's rare that a leapoard changes it's spots.

[confused79]

Sonmetimes i feel as tho im the mug here as all i have ever done is be faithful to whoever im with and that has not been alot only my ex and this partner, and its hard to not think sometimes its my fault, it has made me become very insecure and i dont like it. I dont mind him looking at porn or just looking altogether.
Just to say what i did last night to see what his reactiojn would be i searched web for men just sexcy pictures to see how he would react! he did mention it to me later on and i said to him i just wanted him to understand how it made me feel. He does get embarressed about it, im not saying its not normal for men to look on these sites but he needs to know what he has done in past and us still being together doesnt mean it doesnt still effect me in lying to me about these things he is doing now.
I do beleive leopards can change their spots as i have known couple were one partner has cheated yes it was hard for them and they ended up getting through it.
I do wonder if he really does deserve me sometimes and that im a fool as i keep getting told this by people when i tell them what has happened. I want to add that he is 22 and when i meet him he was a full time single Dad he is 6 years younger than me. Its not easy to just say get rid. I think we have alot of talking to do to be honest.
Thanks everyone for your comments it has helped! x

[4getmenot]

but you are making up excuses for him, as I said some people do change but doesnt look like he will. And you say you think they treat you like a mug and its your fault. Fraid to say you may be right because you took him back after he had sex with someone else, bet he thinks he's on to a right winner and he can get away with anything. I do hope you see sense soon. xx

[Reverandfunk]

Boot him into touch

[confused79]

how do i do that then?