i am feeling really low at the moment

[steve208]

i hope someone can offer advice or support as i am finding things really hard at the moment. I just cant seem to get anywhere that i want or feels right. I have never been very good at knowing what i want or finding constructive ways to get there.

I have been to uni but am now back living at home and although I have a lower managment job it is really draining me as i am not sure it is in the right area for me. I have a great girlfriend but she lives in the town where we were both at uni. We see each other every other weekend as i work in retail and have to work every other weekend. Since just before uni i have been very depressed and am still on medication but not able to continue conselling due to the unsocial hours of my job. I feel very trapped at the moment and the doctor has kinda said to me i need to find the will to try and get myself out of the way i feel. I dont feel there is anything in my life that is going right and cant see me having the ability to be happy.

[Supernick]

For me, moving out of the parental home was the best thing that I could have done after university. When I graduated in 2001, I spent 6 of the worst months of my life, going from total freedom, fun and independance, to living with Mum and Dad (bless 'em) and trying to find a job in the horrible real world.
Moving gave me the kind of responsibility, and feeling of owning my own life. It may not be for you, as I don't know the extent of your depression, but it gave me that feeling of getting somewhere and moving to a new stage in life.
Now, I get killed on rent, I'm in a lower management job that I dislike, I can't find a girl, but my life's all mine, and that really means something to me.

[steve208]

hum well i have considered moving in with my girlfriend as she owns her own house but i need to save up a chunk of money reall. I want a 9 - 5 job so i can have interests in the evenings as i currently work late shifts all the time. But i mean i think it would be silly to move up there without having a job to go to?

[tiny e.a]

You could apply for jobs up there?

[nannon]

well if you save a little money so that you could contribute when you move there, then look for a job when you move up there, You could apply for some jobs now - if any really take you interest and are interested in you it wouold be worth taking a day up to go for an interview. I'm sure that a change of situation, living arrangements and job would ake you feel better if this is what you want - as you say you would be able to do things you want to if you worked more sociable hours. It makes a difference - i used to work strange hours at a supermarket whilst i was in uni and it really got me down - all my mates off out and off i trotted to work - couldnt do stuff on a friday /saturday night most weekend as i started work at 7am on the saturday/sunday morning! It really got me depressed and i just had to change it - sometime a big change will shock you out of the spiral of depression! Even just planning it can really help - you'll have something to look forward to! Good luck and i hope you start to feel better soon
xxx

[steve208]

move up there then apply for jobs? i am just scared i would not find anything and i went through a period last year before i took up a managers job when i decided to move somewhere new got the job there handed my notice in but then agreed to stay as managment pay was better than this clerical job pay would have been.

I cant see myself getting an admin job as i dont have the experience. i want to get into something rewarding where i am doing a job that helps people or the planet i want to work in corporate social responsability but its so hard to get experience etc.

[~Wingnut~]

If I remember correctly steve you have talked about this before (sorry if I am confusing you with another aber). What you need is to get the ball rolling. Stop looking for excuses to not do stuff. Why do you need to save a big chunk of money? Surely if you got a job where your GF lives then you will still have an income.
Get looking for work up there, anything to begin with, why does it have to be a job you will really want? Surely once your settled you can look for a job that's more you. You need to make more of an effort about this otherwise your not going to get anywhere I'm afraid.
If your determined to have a big chunk of money before you move anywhere then I think you need to change your job as this seems to be the major part of your excuses. Look for a 9-5 job where you currently are.
Get job searching... Good luck :o)

[nannon]

thats understandable but i think when people want to relocate they just 'temp' at first (so you have money coming in - albeit prob not what your used too!) and because it is so flexible it leaves plenty of time to attend interviews for "proper jobs". I imagine because you may feel happier due to living with your girlf and having time to do things you like it would not be so bad temping for a short time

[steve208]

wingnut - yes i have posted here before.

anyway one thing i cant get past is the fact that i would feel so bad handing my notice in at my current job. it woul dbe such a failure and a let down to my boss. though saying that if i am going to do it then i should do it before the build up to christmas as if i did it then it would be worse.

i just dont know where to turn and whats right. i will have a long chat with my girlfriend tonight. she has been really good but i would need at least some cash to survive if i did live with her as she is not exactly rich!

[~posy~]

that's it steve!! i have warned you before!!! i'm on my way to kick you up the bum!! lol!! seriously - you have a great girlfriend! that's more than you had the last time i spoke to you so things have improved!! how does your girlfriend feel about you moving in with her? if she is cool with the idea then get job hunting! dont show any prospective new employer how you are really feeling just put a smile on your face and sell yourself. we all have tough times, believe me recently i know all about it but i had to make changes to get myself out of the hole i was in, and no matter how scared i was or anything i bit the bullet and did what i needed to do and right now i'm feeling better for it. it's gonna take me a while to get there but i'm better than i was. you know where i am if you want to talk. take care babe xXx

[~max~]

I think Posy is right when she says you need a kick up the bum! lol Thing is, nobody is going to do it for you, you have to do it yourself, and stop finding excuses not to move on.
Your girlfriend seems to be showing an formidable amount of patience, as I remember you asking the same question several times over the past months. Now you need to make a decision and stick to it!!!
Why would you feel a failure for leaving your job??? You are not being sacked, you are leaving to find a better opportunity and improve your quality of life! Believe me, your employer has had people quitting before and that does not make you a bad person!
If you have got a managerial job, then you must be clever enough to be able to find something else quickly in the new city, be it temping, clerical work or whatever else, until you find the confidence to apply for better positions. A lot of people are in clerical / admin jobs, me included, and that doesn't make us any worse people!

[steve208]

Hi posy i think some aspects are better than they were last time i posted. My finances are heading towards the black, i have succeeded in getting a better job be it that i am not coping at the moment and my relationship with my girlfriend is great!!

Anyway i suppose i have two options:

1. stay where i am for now and try with the job - benifits would be building up some money and hopefully learning to cope in the high pressure environment and gain some confidence which i desperatly need. Then move after christmas. cons - may end up getting more down and failing in job.

2. move now. good - will be a big change. bad - my parents will go mad think i am throwing away an opportunity too soon and also will owe money as have had a week's holiday.

[~Wingnut~]

I understand what your saying about feeling bad about leaving your current job. Of course your going to feel like that right now, but you will move away, start a new job, settle down with your GF and memories of the job your currently doing will be long forgotten. After a while your boss will have someone else working for them. Don't use this as an excuse not to do anything. It is your life, not your bosses so don't stay there for his sake!
All I'm trying to say is it seems bad at the time, but that never lasts and I think for your own sanity you need to stop careing about what your boss thinks and find either another job where you are living or get your butt and your bags to your GF's :o)

I hope you don't think I am being harsh, I don't mean to come across that way if it does but you really need to make an effort to get out of this rutt and stop using these excuses.

Go on Steve you can do it! Good luck! :o)

[steve208]

i am sorry for being a pain to everyone i am just stuck in a rut and do need to find it in me to give myself the kick i need.

[Supernick]

There's no need to feel guilty about looking elsewhere for work. There's no such thing as a job for life these days, and people move around, espcially when there is a good reason involved such as moving in with a girlfriend.

Speak to agencies in the area, and they should be aware of the lind of opportunities available to you.

Having said that, it may not be the right course for you to take, but action of some sort is the best course for you.

[~Wingnut~]

Don't apoligise Steve, the fact you are posting about this and expressing yourself is probably doing you some good, tho you may not think that right now, but this maybe what you need to put things in to perspective and hearing other people's opinions sometimes helps you think of things you wouldn't neccessarily have thought of in the first place :o)

[steve208]

thanks wingnut.

i am just thinking if i was to move up to girlfriends my parents will prob think i am stupid to do it. i know i should be my own person but i should listen to them a bit.

[~Wingnut~]

No I don't agree Steve, you are clearly miserable in your current situation, surely your parents would rather see you happy? Your life, your decision to move. This will either be the make or break of you and your never going to find out if you keep listening to others and not what you really want.
Listen to what they have to say but don't do what you think they want you to do. They don't want you to make a mistake, that's fine, that's what caring parents should be like but you are also old enough to make your own descisions and mistakes and to learn from them, as I see it your not learning anything other than to worry too much about what other's think of you.
Take that big step Steve, do this for you and your future.

[steve208]

i am sure they would like to see me happy but i am so unsure about things at the moment perhaps it is best to try to suceed where i am at the moment?

[dot.hawkes]

Steve this has been at least two years now, sorry to sound like i am nagging but you really are not progressing at all and i cannot understand what is up with you, if anything. You really should get back and see your doctor and find out why these incidences of feeling so lost keep re-occurring.
You know i am only ever after getting you to jog yourself along so i know you will take my blunt response as it is meant, come on lad there's a whole world out there waiting for you. :))