passing on

[tattoo1094]

reading a couple of the questions its just brought home to me the pain that i am going to have to endure shortly (maybe this year or next if hes lucky) my father has terminal cancer , non hodgkins lymphoma.
He is desperately trying to take the R.A.F to court at the moment because he was present when the bombs went off and that has been the cause of the cancer.
I was wondering if i should help him with this or let him do this by himself , im worried the stress of it all is making him worse. I just want his last days to be happy and not have to worry about the rest of us.....

[tattoo1094]

yes yinyang, my son knows he has terminal cancer but as i said its like it does nt exist. Like ray was saying its like the whole family is in denial the less we talk about it the less we have to think about it.The only trouble is it does nt work.
I would nt even know what to say unless i was drunk and then it all comes out wrong anyway.
Must get a grip, this is after all one of lifes ups and downs.
Other than that its inevatable that we will all die some time, im just angry that my dad has nt had the time he deserves after retiring, you know going on a cruise or doing something he has always wanted to do, what ever it might be.

[yinyang]

I know exactly what you mean about the anger. My dad just turned 60 and my mum had just retired and they had so many plans - travelling, spending loads of tme with my girls. Instead my dad was diagnosed the week my grandfather went into the hospice. I think that's why my family are finding it so hard to deal with - we could deal with either my dad or my grandfather, but not both. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of a childlike tantrum and just want to throw things about and scream' it's not fair'
it's good that your son is getting time to preapre himself. Don't shut him out, you need each other right now. No matter how hard you try to cover up your feelings they will leak out and affect you both and it will be a help to you both if you can just explain honestly that you're having a bad day and that it's not his fault.

[tattoo1094]

Yin your a wise one , and my son and me are very close i just dont want him to feel the pain, but i guess its all part of growing up.Im so sorry to hear that you have had to go through the same thing but you know in the famous words of bob hoskins ' its good to talk !!' x x

[bigmamma]

Loving thoughts and hugs to you tattoo and also to you yinyang . xxx

[tattoo1094]

Thanks bigmamma x x x

[yinyang]

Come on here anytime you need to tatto. Sometimes the best people to talk to are those who are ' a step back' from the problem. Sometimes I don't even feel I can talk to friends because I know how much they have going on in their own lives and I don't want to add to that.
There are a lot of good people on here that willl help you or just offer support, let us help you. x

[tattoo1094]

Yin, all i can say is thankyou for your time, i feel the same way and its a pleasure talking to you as goes for a load of others, john etc...
Always here for you too x

[yinyang]

Take care, tattoo. I'll hear from you soon via here, I hope. x

[Psychick]

Reading the bits that have been said about our loved ones being able to hear us as we say our goodbyes reminded me.......

My step mum died 5 days after having a stroke at the end of last summer. My brother and I spent 5 days watching her slip away helpless, we knew she could hear us and seemed quite alert at times even though nothing could be done for her. Her sister had spent a couple of days with us too but she had had a fall one morning (ironically walking into the hospital!) and had decided it would be best for her to go home. She said her goodbyes to my step mum (the two had not had a good relationship but were recently talking again). As her sister walked out of the door my step mum moved her hand. I said to my cousin and a family friend who were in the room with me at the time, look shes moving her hand..........she stuck her two fingers up in the direction of her sister then put her hand down again!!!
It is probably the only time we all laughed so hard during that time. My step mum couldnt have left us with a better memory! And when it came to her and her sister, my step mum definatley had the last word!!