Stigma of being illegitimate causing a dilemma

[mrs_overall]

My best friend was born in the 1950's when being illegitimate really was awful.Her mother was single and she never knew who her dad was.As a child she was often called "The B**tard." When we were little we once went to church with the Brownies and as we were queuing for communion, a church warden physically dragged her out of the line and said "children of sin should not be in God's house." She has never set foot in a church since although she does believe in God. She married in a civil ceremony. Her eldest daughter is now planning a church wedding and my friend is in knots over it. I'm sure she's convinced if she enters a church she will be struck down in flames or at the very least the vicar will point her out. How can I help my lovely, kind friend?

[Ethel]

Take her to a church when there is no service - many churches are open for visitors throughout the week, but not all, so choose carefully.

Then take her to a service.

Ask her daughter to introduce your friend to the vicar before the wedding.

These small things will help your friend to have confidence in church.

[mrs_overall]

As always, your advice is first rate Ethel.
The vicar in question is a nice man but I know my friend would be terrified he would "find out" and look down his nose at her, or worse (which I know won't happen).

[Ethel]

Thankfully the Church is much more enlightened today.

I wish your friend well and hope she enjoys the wedding.

[whiffey]

She has encountered the most narrow-minded of 'Christians' at an impressionable age, and it sticks. You could invite her to examine the fundamentals for herself, e.g. the powerful evidence for the resurrection, and move her towards a future where she will happily enter a church because of what it represents rather than narrow-minded bigots who are sadly occasionally found there.

[Shadow Man]

Take the wardy approach and make it in to a joke.

There is an absolutely hilarious book (a word I do not use lightly) by Tom Sharp called "The Throwback"

The plot is basically about a "Barstard", a term the grandfather frequently uses, in search of his paternal father. It will have her in stitches, trust me.

You can probably pick it up on amazon or ebay for about 50p.

[mrs_overall]

Whiffey, you've summed it up in one
Wardy, I was having a clear out of Junior Overall's midden of a bedroom recently and I found that book under a pizza box. You're right, it is very funny and I'm sure Sue (my friend) would appreciate it.
Thanks for taking the trouble to reply...you're all stars.

[nuoyg]

Your poor friend. Do you know a kindly minister or reverand who could have a chat with her to put her mind at rest - as Ethel says - when there is no service perhaps.