Why so cruel...?

[Amber1571]

We were moving abroad in just over a month, just me and him, his house sale going through, leaving jobs - now he tells me its over, just like that.

[nuoyg]

You poor thing. Perhaps he has cold feet and may retract his words? The only consolation is (not that it wll feel like it at the moment) at least you have found out before you've gone. If you were in a new country without family and friends you would feel totally alone. At least (and again prob doesn't feel like it at the moment) you can make the decision to do it alone and you'll know the score from day one, rather than going over there and him dropping you in it.

Have you been together long? Has he given any indication of how he has been feeling?

[Amber1571]

Been together a few years, no indication at all, mentioned marriage a couple of weeks ago. Just feel stunned.

[nuoyg]

Wow, what a horrid shock. Do you have anyone with you right now? Have you left your job yet? Do you have an understanding boss who would let you stay on until you make your decision?

[Amber1571]

No, i am on my own at the moment, he is away with work. Have been feeling worried when he kept avoiding my question "when shall i hand in my notice" he has done his. But I thought I was being silly, etc., we have been planning this for months. His phone is off now, so I cannot get in contact.

[hau kola]

Is he still planning to go abroad ?

[nuoyg]

Do you have a friend nearby who can come over, just so you have a friendly face with you?

I am guessing you haven't handed in your notice yet?

Meanwhile, if he is away perhaps give him a bit of space? He does owe you an explanation though, especially considering you didn't see it coming.

[Amber1571]

He is still going abroad. I can't even cry properly, am in shock. I haven't given in my notice yet, but it was common knowledge I was going to and what my / our plans were.

[nuoyg]

Crikey, that's really horrible, I feel for you Amber. But say if you still wanted to go abroad - it's a bit much of him to assume he can still go and you will stay here.

Do you get on well with your manager at work? Could you ask for a couple of days off to work things out? You don't have to tell the rest of the work force the ins and outs. Just that at the last moment you decided not to go (if you don't end up going).

[Amber1571]

He will and is still going - we are not married, I am living in his house. Thanks for your responses. Just going to bed now. x

[nuoyg]

I hope you feel a little better in the morning.
Nuoyg

[Cheesefreek]

Hi Amber

How are you this morning?

[Amber1571]

Hi, Thanks for all your replies. Its wierd and scarey how one person / situation can make you feel so rubbish all of a sudden. I just feel so empty. He is still away on work course, he has not contacted me, nothing. I do believe anybody else is involved, he is a very emotionless person, locks things away in the back of his mind type of thing. He will open up, then realise what he has done, and distance himself again. I guess i should start looking for somewhere to rent, cannot afford to buy on my own. You know, mid 30's and you think you are settled. At my age I should be - or I wish, settled.

[theonlyone]

Think positive , you still have your job , maybe you could stay with a friend or family for a few days to clear your mind , then when your partner gets back you can get things sorted . Do you think that he is scared about moving abroad but didn't want to worry you ? May be he doesn't want to really go ??

[Amber1571]

Hi theonlyone

No, he will be going that is for sure. Absolutely no doubt about that.

Thank you for your response.

[chitchat]

Amber - what a cruel man he is. I would be glad that he told you before you went rather than once you got there. At least you havent given in your notice and you and still in a familiar place with friends and family.

I would concentrate on how you have had a lucky escape from him, that will help you get over him quicker.

I would have a word with your boss though and ask for a couple of days off to try and sort a few things out.

I wish you all the best - and give you a big hug :-)

[bimbo123456]

Best revenge.....take a deep breath, get your hair done how he doesn't like it, buy a new outfit and go out with friends for a great girlie night. Incidentally, karma will probably come back and bite him in the bum at some stage. Lets hope he gets some nasty foreign disease!

[Cheesefreek]

I remember watching a TV documentary a few years ago about relationship counseling. One woman was totally devastated cos her hubby was moving to the States. In their case, he was still living in the house, sleeping in the same bed and getting late night phone calls from his g/f in front of his wife, who was obviously at rock bottom and practically suicidal. They went back to this couple a year later. He wanted to get back to his wife - while she couldn't bear the sight of him. She was bubbly, happy and had moved on. The tables were totally turned. She watched the previous film of herself in disbelief. I suppose what I'm saying is, practical issues aside, you'll look back on this one day and know he is totally out of your system and that you had a happy escape.

[raysparx1]

Hi Amber, That is real crap, but is there any chance that this could just be him being scared of real commitment ? if not then what he has done is really horrible and uncalled for, he should have spoken to you, but some blokes do find it hard to express how they really feel, I hope he gets in touch with you soon to at least explain why he did, what he did, hope you can see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel, take care, Ray xx

[theonlyone]

Just read what Cheesefreek posted and I think you will be the same , will look back and think "was that me " . Just decide what you want to do and go for it , there is a big world out there and you can do anything that YOU want to . Take care x