is there anyone been like me over children from divorce

[puddicat]

Had a altercation with my son 2 nite, who lives me with me, 24 and thinks that the world is against him, we had mega row not the first, about is aim in life it seems he blames me and my ex for his dilemma, and i am tired of having to put up with someone who lives on the couch, i lost my dad at 16 but realise i dont blame anyone thats life!, my son has broken my dads photo frame and his brothers and girlfriends in a fit of temper!!!, he drinks and takes soft drugs that it has admitted, please dont say the obvious cos i gave those ultimatums, has anyone had someone like mine!!!

[GIRL RACERS]

Hi Puddicate - 1stly, why do you have to put up with this ?
You dont - but you choose to because he's your son.

Don't give ultimatums unless you're prepared to see them through. Trouble is, you give them, dont see them through and your back to square one. Its easier for your son to put the blame on the shoulders of others because he then feels that its YOU that has to put things right, knowning full when that you cant. That is then a justification for his behaviour. Does he contribute fiancially at all ?

Be cruell to be kind - he may well thank you for it later.
Afterall, he's not a baby anymore. Tell him if he's not prepared to help himself, then you cant either - that doesnt change the fact that you love him and just him to do well in life.

Remind your son that you also had bad times with your slplit and that your life is just as important.

Best of luck x

[Octavius]

At 24 your son should be and act like a man. He should be able to stand on his own two feet and fend for himself in a harsh world and make and learn from his own mistakes. As said above, you do need to make ultimatums and carry them through. Don�t let your son load his emotional guilt upon you as it is his life to lead, and don't encourage him to be a slippery-shouldered wimp.

[puddicat]

thank you oct and girly, what you say is true!!, dont know if i will see him later, his mate got me up in a drugged and drunk state at 6.15 this morning, he was apologetic, said he was in bed, but suddenly he gets up to see his mate and goes with him!!!!, will not issue ultimatums, doesnt work!!!, just say softly this the end of you doing this to me, his dad was on the fone today, and we have realised that he needs serious help, but what can we do?tryed to get him sorted, seems sometime he is ok and then he is this grass smoking drunk!!!, as you say i want a life and i want him to be happy, but now he his in charge of his own destiny!!!