Smoking Ban - Pongy Pubs and Bars.

[Gromit]

Since the introduction of the Smoking ban, we have started to notice our pubs smell of stale food and beer, damp, sweat and body odour, drains and flatulence.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles /technology/technology.html?in_article_id=4733 46&in_page_id=1965

A pub company is experimenting with piping in nice smells such as Ocean breezes, leather and cut grass.

Which of the following solutions would you favour:

1. Pubs' smells should reflect their name. The Royal Oak would be woody, White Lion/Horse/Swan/Hart would be animally and The Crown would smell of paint.

2. Pubs should be forced to change their name to reflect the aromas that await you within. The Boatman would simply become The B.O.man and all branches of Wetherspoons will become whiffeyspoons.

3. A peg on nose symbol rating could be displayed near to the entrance of each establishment. The Eggon Runny Guide would provide reviews.

4. Bouncers should be deployed with cannisters of Lynx Africa and be prepared to use it.

Or do you have a better idea?

[ELVIS68]

Bring back Smoking

[China Doll]

1) God no! Think about it... All those pubs named after long dead earls and abbots? O'dour de rotten corpse? Nice. And don't even get me started on other meanings for 'crown.'

2) 'Sweaty, old mans farts' as the new name for the pub I was in on Saturday... hmmmm attractive. I know I want to eat there.

3) With the line of thought I've taken then I think they'd need to hand the pegs out at the door.

4) Lynx?! Are you trying to make me ill?! Why not just spray them with that, give them a bag of cheese and onion crisps and some hubba bubba and then all men can smell like they're 15 again...

Better ideas...

People could try washing.

Pubs could try cleaning.

Air conditioning is a marvellous invention.

Women could try wearing a little less perfume that smells like they've bathed in vanilla.

Everyone could stay in and drink at home so I don't have que any more and can smoke where I bl00dy like.... ;0)

[sp1814]

I find it a bit annoying that publicans didn't take the (sensible) step of hiring industrial carpet cleaners on the day the ban kicked in. They should've cleaned all the carpets and upholstery in one big hit.

As it is, pubs are now still a bit stinking, but in a weirdly different way.

[mokhans]

i am not a smoker and hate smoke - however it is now traditional for a pub to be smoky so why change it, if you dont like smoke dont go to the pub go to the countryside and shag sheep instead! i dont like smoke but i put up with it... big deal! and shisha bars should also not be banned - its a shisha bar - ppl expect smoke when they go there. its like going to a bakery and then kickin up a fuss cos theres bread there!!

[mokhans]

love the lynx africa idea - big up!

[WaldoMcFroog]

Will 'Wiffeyspoons' have Comfortable Western Armchairs?

[jno]

a wise start would be to avoid the sort of smelly pubs that have Daily Mail reporters lurking in the corners; they add nothing to the ambience and never pay their round.

[China Doll]

If I have to get sulky and pouty to get some stars it's going to get unpleasant around here!

And I've been told to stay out of news and go bake cakes or something as well today.... I may cry.

[anotheoldgit]

Sit out in the open air features that have been specially set aside for smokers, you can then have ample of fresh air.

The smokers can then return inside the pubs, to help to cover up the smell of all those sweaty sandle wearing lefty men, and those hairy arm-pit women lefties as well..

[Bazile]

I've just had a brilliant idea
I'm going to be rich , i'm going to be rich , i'm going to ......

For all you smokers , deprived of your daily cancer sticks at work - I'm going to put on the market a nicotine flavoured mouth spray .

Now then , what shall I call it - oh I know - what about eau de Marlboro

[Bazile]

What !! , only two stars ?

big sigh :-)

[Gromit]

Bazile,

You have your 3 stars.

Makes me feel like a Primary School Teacher.
- Anyone know where I can get one?

[China Doll]

Yup.

His Mrs won't be too impressed though.

[northboy]

cant win with you lot[MOAN MOAN,,WHINGE WHINGE]YOU ARE NEVER BLOODY HAPPY,,,not even with the smoking ban,,,,,,,,GET A LIFE,,PLEASE

[Bazile]

Gromit - the old ones are the best , eh ?

My extra star is much appreciated

China Doll - is that a picture of you over in the sport section ?

[China Doll]

Eh Bazile? Do you have a link? You're not actually being serious are you?!

[Gromit]

Bazile

� Barry Cryer 1972 (used by kind permission)

[Bazile]

China Doll - my mistake , it's a picture of whiffey in the motorsport section

You can now breathe a sigh of relief :-)

[China Doll]

< wipes brow >

Phew... you had me worried for a sec there.