sexless marriage after 10 years

[stanwixman]

I celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary next week and have a problem. My wife has gone off sex. We are lucky if we do it once a month now. We have talked about it till the cows cone home. Her sex drive has gone and she says she is happy to continue our relationship and sex dosent bother her if hse doesnt have it again. I love my wife and kids more than anything but I dont know how I can continue to live a celibate marriage. I have a high sex drive and need sex as well as a loving caring marriage. My wife is quiet open and has said she doent mind if I watch porn or buy adult magazines etc to help me but thats not the same as doing it for real with the one I love. please help as i love my wife but cant cope being celebate again?

[tiny e.a]

Is your wife completely unwilling to have sex at any time?

It's a very difficult situation, obviously your wife is perfectly within her rights to choose not to have sex but you are also perfectly within your rights to want a sexual relationship. You seem to be understanding and realise that you can not demand sex from your wife, but surely it is equally unfair of your wife to demand celibacy from you?

You say you have done alot of talking to your wife. Is there anything to indicate what has made your wife feel that she no longer wants to engage in sex? Has she been ill, is she busy at work or with children? Is she depressed? I think the only way to sort this situation out is to discover why your wife is withdrawing. My only suggestion really is that you try a sex therapist, or perhaps a marriage counsillor?

[taperface]

Tiny is right. Depression, illness - or simply feeling that you're being taken for granted can all have an effect on sex drives. It may also be that your technique wasn't fully satisfying for your wife, but she was too shy or mindful of your feelings to talk about the problem. If you can talk openly with your wife, you need to get to the root of the problem, and if nothing happens, then you might suggest seeing a therapist or counsellor who can help you.

[lady_p_gold]

Even if she has 'gone off' sex it still seems a rather selfish attitude to just announce that it doesn't bother her if you never do it again and you can sort yourself out with some porn. Its not just about sex there is the closeness and the intimacy too which accompanies it. Has she always had a low sex drive, or is it sudden. Some women are just not that interested and go along with it for a few years, and some are hot babes from puberty to posterity ... I think if it is sudden then it could be a hormonal thing, or if she has never been that keen she is just giving up the pretence. Either way, I think some discussion needs to be had, after all she could still satisfy you with oral or other ways and have intimacy without actually doing it herself, in a loving caring way like a massage ... not sure what the answer is but something needs to be talked about

[zig_zag]

ooooh i think i remember you lady_p_gold
do you have any association with dot hawkes (mrs bucket) as we all affectionately know her lol

[lady_p_gold]

No I have no association with the famous dot, however I have been on here a while and do pop up here and there from time to time. Thanks for remembering me !!

[sqad617]

Seems obvious to me, your wife couldn't care less about sex, you on the other hand, understandably need it, apart from that your have a good relationship, then in my opinion you have only one choice. On a dating site, find a woman who is happily married, needs sex, but he husband is not interested in sex and have a discreet relationship. Why does everyone assume that it is the wife that goes off sex, many men also go off the physical act. There may be a price to pay for a sexually fullfilling but illicit relationship and this has to be carefully weighed up.

[lainiej]

Hi stanwixman.
I am in the same situation as your wife in that I have'gone off' sex. I've been with my husband for 6yrs coming up and we used to be quite sexually active.
Now I dread being made advances towards by him and I cant bear being touched intimately. We sleep in separate rooms now mainly due to his snoring but secretly for me its a relief.
It has taken me sometime to realise that I dont think this is down to depression although I have suffered from that for some time, rather that I dont fancy him any more.
I love him but not in that way. I'm stuck!!

[leighkaty]

lainiej im in exactly the same situation as you im stuck have no idea what to do, ive kinda met someone else but he only wants a casual relationship i dont want to be used like that so refused now i pine for him and dont know why

[lainiej]

Hi leighkaty. I havent met someone else but I feel trapped by financial circs. I dont earn enough to keep on our current house and I couldnt afford to get a large enough morgage to buy somewhere. Rents are so high as well.
So basically I am in a financial arragement with a friend.