Man beater?

[topogigo]

My wife, repeatedly hit me with a variety of objects shoes, fists, just anything to hand, over a period of 21years. I am twice the size of her and i was a judo instructor for 14 years. More than capable of inflicting serious injury on her, i never lifted my hand to her as i needed to stay with my son who was disabled, although she clearly deserved it., if i had hit her she would have gone to the police and etc. etc.
I went to a social worker friend to ask for some kind of help she said that my son would be taken from both of us if violence was detected in the home.
There are no mens refuges for battered men, men have scant chance of getting custody after a divorce and women, adulterers such as my ex even, will get 70% of the mans possesions and assets.
My advice to any men in this position is to get out as soon as you see the signs that your woman is a nutter build a home that your kids can share with you, and the first chance you get give her a ***** of the ***!
Truthfully if she hasn't poisoned their minds too badly, your kids will come to you when they realise what has gone on. Both my boys are with me, and are extremely angry with their drunken violent slag of a mother, so there you are!
I suppose i beat her in the end anyway!!

[ab_user]

It's different for men than it is for women. Women living with domestic violence are in a much worse situation than men who live with "domestic" violence. I'm sorry but that's just the way it is.

[raysparx1]

All I can say topo, is you have my respect for not hitting her, I was brought up to believe a man never hits a lady, I can't imagine what you went through but you have come out of it and you are righy you did win in the end, and you have your dignity, so well done matey, Ray

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, you might have been twice the size of her but you obviously were not man enough to take a beating from her.
Was she the guy in the relationship?
You seem very bitter so my guess is there is a lot more to this story than your telling.
Usually when a woman turns to beer its through stress and neglect. Did you not chat to her and try and prevent her from going so violent?

[laurence2]

it matters not be it a man or woman in domestic violence, i do believe that figures suggest that more men suffer domestic violence these days than women, tho i'm not 100% sure where i heard/read that.

One thing i do not understand topogigo is why you did'nt stand up to her. I hear where your coming from in regards to the disabled child etc.

It seems like she convinced you mentally that you was the one in the wrong, and that if you hit her she would call the police, you were probably so wrap up with the disabled child, that you were blind to the surroundings.

[topogigo]

Excuse me, AB_USER, i must thank you for pointing out my misconceptions about how me being battered was seemingly much less traumatic and overwhelming than when it happens to a woman.
I don't know where you come from but a smack in the gob feels very much the same to whoever gets one, man or woman.
In what way can it be worse for a woman? And how the **** can it be "just the way it is"?????

[ab_user]

You are a man for christs sake, why didn't you act like one? Do you realise how many women suffer at the hands of mentally and physically abusive men every day of the year? I am sorry if my answer has offended you but I stick by what I say. Domestic violence is MUCH WORSE for women.

[topogigo]

MrBen5 are you some sort of freak or something?
I stood up to her, i refused her money when she demanded it usually after i had had a punch in the face when i was asleep, and it goes on etc. etc., all i said was i didn't hit her. I am not a door mat.

[topogigo]

AB _USER, if you are so sure go on, explain why?

[MrBen5]

I must admit i do agree with AB_user.
I have had many a beating off women and men, but when women do it, its laughable.
I admire you for not hitting her back but its always been the case that a woman can hit a man but a man cant hit a woman.
I know you feel really angry that people think this way, but you must respect peoples opinions.
You still seem really wound up, but in time you will move on. I know it must be really tough for you with a disabled child, but my mate has a disabled child also (wheelchair bound) and he copes on his own.
He was very angry at first as he liked her so much.
At least your letting your anger out on here and not on some poor soul down the pub... :)

[bensmum]

I have just answered another question - this time about a man abusing a woman.
Having been on the receiving end I see no difference - abuse is abuse whoever is doing it and it would have been easier for you to retaliate than to turn the other cheek as it were.
It takes a stronger man to do that - good for you

[cruella]

In my opinion, there is no reason to use violence in any shape or form.
I respect the fact that you never lifted your hand to you ex. Women can be as bad as men when it comes to violence. Our gender does not make a bit of a difference. Be it a man or a woman, no person should have to live with a violent partner.
I sometimes think it is harder for a man if he is being abused, as some people tend not to believe that a woman can beat a man. Well, some men are gentlemen and I take my hat off to you, especially of your ex had a problem with alcohol.

[Coobeastie]

Good for you topogigo.

A few of the answers already given are exactly why men can't mention that they get physical abuse from women...

[ab_user]

I am not sure, but as a victim of domestic violence from a man then i am probably bias!

[topogigo]

I am not angry at her, she is a pathetic wretch that thrives on hurting people. I was always impervious to her effects or i would have trodden on her face. I am quite narked at people saying be a "man".
Do they say to a poor battered women " be a woman"?

[MrBen5]

Topogigo , i just hope your not brainwashing your kids into your way of thinking.
Regardless of what you think of their mother, she is still their mother.
It seems you have turned into a very angry/bitter person, who hopefully will get himself sorted out before he goes over the top.
In some ways i can see why your wife may have turned to drink. You dont seem to wnat to listen to other peoples opinions and you seem very controlling.
Obviously i am just going off what i read of you on here...

[laurence2]

ab_user.

You are probably bias in your answer.

I find it quite staggering Mr Ben that you think women hitting men are quite laughable.

Their are some women out their that would scare you sh!tless, trust me, don't get me wrong Mr B, I understand what angle your trying to come from, its just the wrong angle i'm afraid.

[topogigo]

AB user you should get that anger that i am accused having, of out of your way, you are obviously bitter, please don't be, it took away too much of my life being so angry he can't be worth that much head space.

[topogigo]

Mr ben5 i still think you are a freak and you think you can glean an incite into me from the AB?
I wish i was as clever as you

[MrBen5]

I apologise laurence :(
I meant it in a way that when a woman hits you, it just doesnt hurt, its more annoying than anything.
I have seen women who men have beaten and no matter what you say, women do come worse off.
What i dont understand is why anyone would put up with it for 21 years...

[dove]

i cannot believe what i am reading here, if its a wind up then i apologise, but on reading the original question i am sure that it is not a wind up.
firstly to topogigo, I salute you. Being beaten is no jolly up, but to also have a disabled child to bring up .... well you are one hell of a special man, and to never have raised your fist to your wife, well you have my total respect.

ab_user you are probably just that!

ray and laurence well said.

Mr ben, I can see your point and it is a whole lot better put then the above two 'people'. However, its no longer a case when the law only acknowledges battered women, there ARE , men casulties too.
I do not know of any mens hostels as topogigo said, but I do wish both you and your family a happy future.

But also remember that you dont have to put up with it, tell the social services maybe, they will help you and will not take your child away for your wifes demeanours./