Is it too much to ask to expect some romance....?

[parkers]

I have been with the boyf for nearly 3 yrs now and have never been happier....
We have our own house and have a comfortable living...
My problem is this -
My boyf has never, ever, surprised me with anything.... Every restaurant that we have been to I have booked, every holiday that we have been on I have booked, every weekend away, I have booked, even when we have been out for my bday or valentine's day he says "you book it babe and I'll pay" ! I've had flowers a few times, which I really love and he knows it...
Is this something that I am going to have to just deal with?
It's my 30th in a few weeks and I know that he will not have arranged anything... He has already said "If you want to go away for your birthday just book it"...!!!
It's his bday 2 weeks after mine and I have already booked a weekend away - flights, beautiful hotel, champagne in the room the lot....
I would be over the moon to just come home from work one night and there be a bath run for me, or a glass of wine waiting, or a meal cooked for me - anything...!!
I have tried mentioning this and he just dismisses it everytime....
I feel that I am completely taken for granted...
He will only tell me that he loves me or that I look nice when he has had a drink... So that hurts as well...

x

[~Wingnut~]

Hi parkers :o)

I think you really need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you have just typed above. He obviously doesn't realise just how much it does upset you and you definately need to tell him that it upsets you that he only makes an effort to compliment you once he has had a drink or 2.

You should demand (lol) that he does something to make your 30th special!!! and that if he doesn't your cancelling what you have planned for his birthday and your going away with the girls instead ;o)

Let us know how you get on :o)

[parkers]

Thanks wingnut....

I think that he doesn't know how to show his feelings and by me trying to say to him embarrasses him..?
Although that is no reason for him not to try...

His daughter keeps telling him to propose to me, which I find hilarious, she even gets down on one knee to show him how to do it (she's seen Cinderella too many times)....
She says "Daddy if you don't ask her to marry you she will marry someone else"....!!
I would cry for a week if he proposed, and I'd be happy with a �4 ring from the market I really would....
Neither of us have been married before and he has told me that he would marry me and he has never wanted to marry anyone before...
But, and the big but is that I know that he never will as it would mean that he would have to think about it and actually do something.. This really upsets me as I have never wanted to get married, but for some reason I do to him....!?

[Reverandfunk]

I bought my other half a one carat white gold eternity on saturday.

because I wanted to.

[Pippa68]

Why not arrange the wedding?

I did! I knew Mr P wanted to marry me, but he isn't a romantic either. As long as that is what he wants, go for it. I kind of agree with Zac's sentiments..why do you want to change someone you love?

Personally I love my hubby the way he is..all that romantic stuff means nothing to me. He is a great provider, a loving dad and a great mate too.

[parkers]

Zacsmaster - I get the impression that you are single and always will be....

reverandfunk - that is lovely - I hope you are appreciated !!

[princesspie]

Hey Parkers,

I was in exactly the same situation as you until this weekend. I dropped hint after hint and he didn't buck up his ideas; so I decided to have it out with him. Feeling a lot better about it now.

Just tell him before it gets to the point where you're feeling totally neglected!!

zacsmaster - this isn't about trying to tie someone down - it's about him showing what she means to him. Most women desire to be treated with a little appreciation and respect, as do men!!!

[parkers]

pippa68 - did you really arrange the wedding?
How did Mr P respond?
I did say to him that I will propose to him next year as it's a leap year - he said that I can't as it's the man's job...!?

I don't want to change him as I love him, I just want to feel loved back?

[Reverandfunk]

I think I am lol

I just think its common courtesy to be nice to your partner. I'll cook her tea (badly) buy her flowers etc etc just because I want her to know how I feel about her.

Too many blokes are too macho and personally if i was a bird it would do my head in lol

[parkers]

Zacsmaster - after what you initially put I don't think you can comment... good bye

Princesspie - thank you, I think that I am going to have to just tell him how I feel, and if he doesn't care how I feel then that's a completely different discussion

[Pippa68]

Yes I did, parkers!

I phoned up the register office and arranged a date, then rang Mr P and told him we were getting married on that date. He was thrilled..he is the sort of guy who just isn't into that kind of thing, and neither of us proposed to each other ~ we just knew we both wanted to get married as we had talked about it. If I had left it up to him I doubt we would be married yet!

However he does tell me he loves me all the time, and this is an issue you may want to take up with your b/f. I can understand him not being into the flower giving, bath running, candle lighting routines but he must understand you need affirmation every once in a while..

[princesspie]

Go for it parkers, you'll be pleasantly surprised I'm sure :)

Zacsmaster - There is a difference between changing who someone is/changing the way you treat someone.

[4getmenot]

Has he ever been romantic?. My ex was like this but that was just his way he didn�t do flowers, didn�t do valentines. But it just made anything he did manage to do even more special. It was how he was and if this is how your man has always been you fell for that and shouldn�t change him. If he gave you presents all the time you�d get bored.

[4getmenot]

I agree with Zac and I'm a woman. he isnt trying to argue with you. Its his opinion. Think you came on here having an answer in mind and us all to agree with you. If you think about it some of what zac says is right.

[4getmenot]

Although I did realise I wanted more he wasn�t capable of that and I wouldn�t change him so I�m with someone else now :-)

[princesspie]

As much as I have agreed with things you have said before 4get, I have to disagree with you on this occasion :P

By asking my other half to make me feel a little special sometimes isn't asking him to change who he is!