Go to an al anon meeting. The numbers are in the phone book or web. It is group for people who are relatives of alcoholics. No one in my family drinks but what you are talking about sounds like an alcoholic family. They dont have to drink for you to benefit. The group helps you live your life and be true to yourself without trying to please others or control others.
Some parents are shitty, thats how they learned cause their parents were shitty. Dont feel guilty about it, its not your doing. you didnt cause it nor did you control it.
Seek help, I reccommend these al anon meetings and put more energy INTO YOU not them. Remember its YOUR LIFE and no body elses. And your life is the best think you got going for you.