Can anyone ease my mind?

[ChocolatChip]

I've been worrying my head off since my birthday on wednesday. I went out with my partner (Peter), one of my closest friends(Frank) and his partner(Alice) and some of her friends. Now Frank does not like my partner at all, he's only met him once for about five minutes, but since I first mentioned him he's hated him. On the tuesday before we went out Frank, Peter and myself met up to arrange journey plans. I was working so only had a short time to talk, but afterwards I spoke to peter, my partner and he said that Frank was great to him, they have so much in common and got on like a house on fire. The next day we went out and Frank and Alice treated Peter awfully, they threatened him, talked down to him and were generally real bullies and really cruel. This obviously hurt my Peter and really made me angry. So last night after worry about it for a day or so, I sent a long message to Frank about how hurt and angry I was for them treating Peter in the way they did. I was not cruel or harsh, but simply let them know that I felt what they did was out of order and had hurt Peter. I later got about 10 threatening messages from Alice asking what I'd said to Frank. She kept telling me I'm an 'idiot' and that 'I've just lost two friends' I'm really upset about this, and I really need reassurance that I wasn't in the wrong. Sorry it's so long. Thanks. (Not peoples real names.)

[Louisa 69]

How awful. Well they couldn't have been your true friends if they acted in such a way as to be rude to your partner, or for that matter to walk away . I would have done the same thing as yourself, if any of my friends insulted my partner. If they have no respect for yourself or your partner, then they aren't worth bothering about. I certainly wouldn't let it get to you.

[caz247]

have to agree with Louisa on this
neither of them in my opinion seem like real friends
and at the end of the day if you never speak to either of them again then it won't be your loss

[pussnboots]

Sounds to me that Frank and Alice are in some way jealous of You and Peter, Do you know why ? These aren't true friends in my opinion and they are best left to live in their mean little world.

[ChocolatChip]

It just seems so awful. Frank and I have known each other for a good while, and have helped each other out and through a lot of situations. We got on so well. I really didn't want to lose him or hurt him. But as you can imagine, my partner means more.

[pussnboots]

Perhaps Frank wants to be your only friend seeing as you have been close for a long time.

[ChocolatChip]

I guess they could be. They've been together for about 6 years, Peter and I haven't even been together half of that, yet we live together and both our parents like the other partner. Whereas Alice's parents are from strong religious backgrounds, and don't know she is with Frank. It must be awful to them, but I still feel it is no reason to treat someone else badly.
I have had problems with other friends partners, but have never and wouldn't dream of saying something cruel, or putting them down just because I don't like them personally, it's up to you to choose your partner, not your friends.

[Gavinson]

i agree its bang out of order, the only thing that i dont understand is why did they attack someone for no reason? If frank is such a good friend to you why did he suddenly attack peter without justifying it?

[ChocolatChip]

I've always had other had other close friends though. Although I've been struggling to keep close to friends, as I've been really low and struggle to go out alone (as in without Peter)

[ChocolatChip]

I forgot to say thank you to everyone for your previous answers.
Hi Gavinson- As I said before, Frank has never liked peter. When Peter and I met, we met over the internet and he lived about 200 miles away. Frank thought this was wrong and that 'he could be anyone'
Although as you can tell, since we've been together so long, he's not 'anyone' anymore. He's my partner and lover, we live together and we're very happy together.

[Gavinson]

well all i can say is good for you chocolatchip! and you're better off without them, its hard but friends come in and out of your life all the time, it'll pass and no doubt you will join other friend circles. good luck to you both!

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks Gavinson : )

[tickledtrout]

What an awful situation, from what you have written you are better of with out them. Even if they don,t like him they should show him respect out of friendship to you

[cazzz1975]

why are you bothering to spend time with these people??

okay you are friends with frank for a long time, however if frank and alice cannot treat you or peter with respect then something has got to give

if it were me I would have ended my friendship, friends simply wouldnt treat friends in that way.

[Beads]

ChocChip, what a horrid experience. Firstly it sounds like Frank is jealous of Peter if he has only met him for a couple of mins and decided he didn't like him. And secondly there is no way that genuine friends would ever treat others like that. If Frank had a real reason to dislike Peter and was worried for you then that would be another matter. But to start leaving horrible messages isn't on. It's the kind of things you'd expect kids to do!

I would definitely not worry, from what you've put in your post you're not in the wrong. Friends should be able to tell one another how they're feeling without being subjected to a torrant of abuse, it's all about honesty and feedback - and if you don't agree with what someone is saying you discuss it in a mature manner. If it was me, as difficult as it may be, I'd delete their details and not bother with them any more.

Also don't think young Alice's parents would be too pleased if they heard about the unchristian behaviour (assuming they're christian) of their dear daughter!! lol
Belated happy birthday too. :)

[ChocolatChip]

Thank you for your answers. I haven't spoken to any of them today after the messages last night. I'm really waiting to see what they say back on whether I decide to keep in touch or not. I had sent the message to Frank, just for Frank to read, as I felt that he would understand or at least make some attempt of apology. Yet I have not heard from him. If I had been Alice, I would've kept out of it, it is between the sender and reciever. Especially since she did not know what I sent in my message. I told her last night that if it had been me who had been abusive, I woud have like to have been told and made clear of my actions against others.
I was bullied for about 10 years when I was a child, so anyone hurting someone else makes me exceptionally angry.
And Alice's parents are in fact Indian/Hindu.
And thanks Beads : )

[fluffykitten]

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[ChocolatChip]

What strong helpful words Kit.

[cazzz1975]

and you wonder why people argue with you fina...