Trying to word a petition?

[Brigitta]

Please could anybody help me try to word a petition? I want to be taken seriously so I need it to sound professional.

Baby Talha Ikram was only 16 months old when he was tortured to death by his father and step-mother.

The very kind MP that I contacted said words to the effect that the sentence his killers recieved was low (9 years) because they couldn't prove which one had actually killed the baby. I feel strongly that the law must change so nobody else gets away with this legal loophole.

I just want to campaign for the law to be changed so that in future if 2 people torture a baby to death then they
can't get away with a light sentence due to the fact that it can't be established which one of them struck the fatal blow.

I'm sorry, I've probably explained it really badly, but my website address is:
http://uk.geocities.com/justiceforbabytalha/

and you can read the full details there. I just want to find the right words to head the petition that I intend to take to Downing Street.

I'd be grateful for any help or advice on this.
Thank You very much.
Best wishes and Happy Christmas
B
XXX

[Buenchico]

"We, the undersigned, call upon Parliament to enact legislation enabling the Crown Prosecution Service to seek, and obtain, a conviction for murder against any person who has engaged, with others, in prolonged physical abuse against any other person, ultimately resulting in the death of that person, irrespective of any lack of evidence to show that the actions of the accused person led directly to the death of the victim".

This might help:
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/

Chris

[REDHEAD24]

well done to u brigitta for making a stand against something so disgusting x

[Brigitta]

Thank you both for the answers. I have changed the wording (thanks to your help). I may change the wording again (till I get it exactly right) but what you wrote was a thousand times better than anything I could have written and at least it makes it look a bit more professional now.

Thanks again
Hope you both have a great New Year.
B
XXX