Should i?

[oggy777]

My wife of 20 years has M/S, bad. I work 40 hours a week and look after all the house chores, the kids and her. The M/S has changed her both mentally and phisically and although i could and would never leave her, i no longer love her. "Love" turned to "careing for" a few years back. Recently i have had to change job and now work away during mon- thurs and pay someone to help her. Her family help too. I pick up all the chores at the weekend. I have meet a lady who i like and she likes me. She knows about my situation but would like to take things futher. She knows i would never walk away from my wife leaving my daughter as her carer. I know its not fair on my wife, or the lady in question really, but dont i deserve some fun for a little while? Before i become a full time carer for the rest of my life.

[baileybird]

bless you - what a terrible state of affairs
i think if it were me i would try to keep things seperate and be there for your wife when you are home but have a life of your own
if you are the same age group as your wife you are young man. you have needs and ambitions and need to be cared for too
if you dont take this home, it shouldnt affect the family - keep the two issues apart

[jane1098]

this is a tough question.
you married her in sickness and in health.....
maybe you need to talk to your wife about your feelings..

[gravytate]

just have an affair! I cheat and there is nothing wrong with my gf. what is MS anyway. Y cant she 'snap out of it'?

[4getmenot]

God I wish you could still report cretins like gravytate. Idiot

[Jillius]

gravytate, you should be ashamed of yourself. MS is no laughing matter and sadly it's not something she can just 'snap out of' . I bet she wishes she could.

[gravytate]

what is it though? I heard its just where u feel tired all the time. Caffeine maybe?

[4getmenot]

Google it.

[tiggerblue10]

That is ME gravitate not MS.

[raysparx1]

Hi oggy, very sad when this happens,of course you need a life as well,you say you no longer love her, is this really true? only you can decide what will happen in the future, your wife needs you now, you also have your own needs sexually and emotionally,

would an affair solve your problems? I don't think it would, you would probably feel really guilty afterwards you have been with your wife a long time, as you say you won't walk out on her so all it seems to me is you are asking if it is ok to have this affair, I would say No it's not the way to go, you can sort yourself out if you need to.

Does your wife have good times as well as bad days? maybe a holiday in the sunshine would do you both good, you have a lot to think about, cos if you had made your mind up you would not be on here asking advice, hope things become clear for you soon, Take care, Ray

[4getmenot]

You cant just snap out of ME either

[gravytate]

what is it though? If its a bad disease then soz ggggeeeeees i thought it was hypocondriacts from what people told me!!!!!

[Quoi]

Oggy - I guess deep down you know which option you will take but I have a question for you.

Before this other lady came into your life were you searching for 'a little fun in your life'?

I doubt very much whether this will turn out to be 'fun for a little while' before you become a full time carer for the rest of your life but I guess thats what your dilemma is.

Good Luck whatever you choose

[Jillius]

I think you can have a descrete relationship with this lady as long as she knows you are always there for your wife. It's all very sad but I think you deserve a life too as well as caring for your wife. Perhaps it is wrong but you should follow your heart and don't feel too bad about it.
Good luck

[theonlyone]

My friend has MS and in was a slow illness then last summer it progressed rapidly , she can't drive , go to work , and is now in a wheelchair , she's not old , it was a blow for the whole family ,as it is a major operation for her to go anywhere . Her husband is great as he works and still has to do the household bits . People do not understand what a dreadful illness it is . oggy777 can only make up his own mind , and live with his conscience a to what he wants to do .

[carrust]

I used to work with a guy who was in exactly the same situation. His wife had the dreaded MS, & was totally bedridden.
He had several affairs, & his partners knew the 'score'...he was never going to leave his wife. If it's between 2 consenting adults, then I can't see a problem.

[daffy654]

Why don't you try showing your wife some respect and tell her how you feel? I am a disabled lady with a degenerative illness,I would hate to think my partner felt this way without discussing it with me.

[figure]

Oggy, if the roles of you and your wife were reversed, would it be ok with you for your wife to have an affair or be unfaithful to you in any way? Ask yourself this question, see what your conscience says.

It's my understanding also from what you've said that you deserve a bit of fun for a while before you become a full time carer. When you've cheated once you will want to go a bit further the nest time, before you know it you will become so involved, it will be difficult to 'get away' from that situation. You must think carefully on theses matters ... the long term effect it will have on you mentally and physically, and on your family before you make 'that' choice.

My very best wishes to you and your family.