change of personality.

[baggysenior]

5 months ago i had my first baby, the future was looking bright, however my husband never seemed interested in the baby when she was born. I never received any flowers or a card or anything to praise the fact i'd just brought our beautiful daughter into the world after suffering a horrible pregnancy. never the less i accepted this was me expecting too much. When she was 11 weeks old he dropped the bomb shell that he wanted us to separate, i convinced him to try with me and he agreed, but didnt try. Now he's sure he wants to leave so thats whats happening. He seems to have changed sooo much since she was born, he's like a completely different man.(although hes very loving with his daughter now) Has anyone else had a partner thats had a personality transplant when their baby was born? I had a traumatic labour and birth and he was there and was very scared, so i wonder whether this has put him off me. I know he hasn't got anyone else- (i just know) hes from a different culture to mine and he's not interested in woman (or men !) infact the one thing that he is interested in is his family which makes his behaviour seem all the more strange. I never thought this would happen to me and im scared about going it alone with my girl.

[smudge]

Hi baggy - so sorry to hear that you're going through troubled times.

I don't know anyone else this has happened to, but reading through your post made me wonder if your husband felt this way before your little daughter was born, but didn't want to tell you whilst you were pregnant.

The fact that he didn't show any interest in your daughter when she was born & the fact that he didn't buy you flowers or a card did make me wonder - but then again not all men do think of giving floweres, etc.

I do hope you can get through this & you never know, if & when he does decide to leave, he may have a change of heart & realise just who & what he is leaving behind....

Good luck. -xx-

[smudge]

'Scuse sp - in a hurry!....

[mrs_overall]

One thought that springs to mind is that now you have given birth he may look upon you as the mother of his child and not as his partner. Sorry if that makes no sense...Elvis was the same with Priscilla after she'd given birth (he apparently didn't go near her sexually again.)
Is there anyone who could have a heart to heart with him to find out what's in his mind?
If the worst comes to the wortst you WILL cope. It's scary not knowing what the future holds. Look after yourself and your baby girl and I wish you good luck.

[andy-hughes]

First of all, I am so sorry that this has happened - a difficult pregnancy and labour, and then all this, just when you need your husband's help and support the most.

It's impossible to generalise - especially without knowing either you or your husband, but I offer some thoughts, and my 'on-line' support during this difficult time.

First of all, having a baby is a momentous experience for any nam, and because of the way we are raised - perhaps even more so in your husband's culture - the notion of talking about how excited, and seriously frightened you are by the changes and new responsibilities, is something a lot of men feel unable to share.

This will have been compounded by the fear of loosing you both during the birth, and the massive adjustment he has had to make to your new role, as well as his. A lot of men take to this change badly - mainly because they feel unable to adjust, and have no-one to talk over their fears with.

I don't think your husband is 'put off' you by events - although his behaviour would indicate that - I think he is just overwhelmed by the massive changes in you, and him, and your baby, who is suddenly no longer a nebulous concept, but a living person who needs his support and love at a time when he least able to give them.

The reaction is often to simply walk away, as he has done, but give him time, and make sure you keep all lines of communication open, and he will probably begin to get used to the new situation, and his role in it - and return to you,

There are plenty of supportive people on here who will help you through this - keep in touch with us.

Thinking of you.

A x