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World's funniest joke
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What is the world's funniest joke?
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Scientifically proven to be the funniest joke across many languages and cultures, and now brought to you at vast expense for your delectation and titterfaction. Pray silence for the funniest joke ever!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
I thank you. (Don't giv e up the day job ... don't call us we'll call you, go on get it out of your system ...)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
I thank you. (Don't giv e up the day job ... don't call us we'll call you, go on get it out of your system ...)
How To Get To Heaven.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "Now, boys and girls, if I keep myself neat and clean, and comb my hair and dress nicely, will I get into heaven?"
"No!" the children answered.
The teacher asked them, "Well, if I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven then?"
Again, the children replied "NO!"
"Well," she continued, "Then how can I get to heaven?"
In the back of the room, a little boy shouted out,
"You gotta be DEAD!"
According to Eric Morecambe, the funniest joke ever went something like this:
Bloke goes to a house and knocks on the door. It's answered by a sobbing woman.
Bloke goes, "Is Eric in?" Woman sobs, "Our Eric passed away last night." Bloke pauses, then goes, "Err, did he say anything about some paint?"
The Pope dies and is trudging up the hill towards the Heavenly Gates when he meets Bill Clinton who is walking down to the other place after being rejected. "Hello" says Clinton "Where are you going? "I'm off to Heaven" answers the Pope "I'm very excited that at last I am going to meet the Virgin Mary". "Too late" says Clinton, walking on.
40 New Yorkers show up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is confused because he's never actually had a New Yorker show up at the Pearly Gates before, so he tells them to wait a minute, he'll check with God.
God tells St. Peter, 'Well, pick out the ten most virtuous and let them in'.
A couple of minutes later St. Peter comes running back yelling, 'they're gone, they're gone!!' 'What', God says, 'All forty of them?' 'No, no, the Pearly Gates! They're gone!'