I feel so patronized

[PatrickThink]

I am a very anxious man of 20. I am finding it hard to cope with people around me (especially my mum who I row with constantly). I have ADD and Aspergers disorder and I know many people would feel the need to blame me for many of the problems I endure, but it isn't the case. My mental strength is reading, writing, philosophy and computers. I did poorly on a test at my benefit centre (job centre) and I was told that it was in their obligation to control what I do. I told them I was finishing college in easter, but the woman told me I had to turn up to a centre where I would be taught how to find work etcetera. This aggravated me, because how I saw it was that my education was important and I am being funded to learn. Also I was accepted into college by paying a small fee due to me being on benefits. I had to sit in a building today where I felt stupid, watched and depressed. I nearly broke down because of this today as it's affected me (I also suffer anxiety). I am a really unhappy person because I constantly feel down and wasteful. I have been told I am highly-intelligent and even unique by people I have barely got to known and from this I have managed to better my confidence. Life to me is an artform, you need to adopt the right lifestyle to suit your emotions and so improve your emotional intelligence. My life is a mix of gray and black colours and it's debilitating for me to lead this life. I think I might have to seek psychiatric help because I am arguing a lot with my mum and my life feels like it's in tatters. I am studying Cisco Networking for Computers and it was very demeaning for the woman at my benefit centre to make me feel stupid, knowing I will earn three times the salary she is earning in a few years time.

[banned-dot]

without setting out to upset you, I wondered whether you have ever felt able to visit your GP and discuss your outlook on life and self perception the way you have written it here? I think it may be worth trying that, you should not feel compelled to conform or go on in life following orders if it is your natural reaction to question it, however, some of the emotions and thoughts you have described could be attributed to causes that you may need guidance from your GP to identify and address.

Good luck, you are as precious as anyone else and your opinion does count as much as anyones, take your own path

[figure]

Patrick - it takes an intelligent person to post what you have posted here. You are someone who's special, brave and smart, and have the good judgement to know what you want. I truly think you should finish your college. Having that education will help boost your confidence even more. Being around positive people will be very beneficial to you in many ways.

Why do you have to argue with your Mum? Can't you just block her out or ignore her whenever she's causing you to get upset? Try it, see if it work for you.

Don't Let Anyone Prevent Or Discourage You From Finishing Your College Studies. Please Take My Advice On This. Nothing Is More Important Than A Good Education In Society Today. You are someone to be proud of.

[mrs_overall]

As I read your post, your intelligence shines through like a beacon.
There are times when we all become discouraged and feel low and everyone suffers a crisis of confidence at times.
You are obviously working hard which you should continue to do, and in time you will reap the benefits.
Be proud of who you are and hold your head up high.

[andrea81]

Hi, just like to second what others have said. I think it's important that you finish your education as intustry is quite fickle and likes people who have a qualification before they allow you through their door.

I suffer with Anxiety and find anything new terrible to get to grips with. But I know that when I hold in there and get used to the situation, I become less anxcious and able to function at my best.

Other people may not understand how you feel inside so they can't best help you, but try not to worry what other people think and keep making little goals for yourelf so that you can achieve the end goal!

You'll be fine.... you sound more clued up as to what you want and need than most out there! ; - )

[josie48]

Patrick, Have you got a support worker? As you're "Special Needs" you should'nt have needed to pay a fee to go to college. Is you tutor aware of how you feel? are you on medication for the ADD? If you can, please talk to your doctor and tutor. Keep in touch please.

[saxy_jag]

Patrick, hold that last thought in your post - that in a few years' time you will be the one who's laughing. I'd love to see her face when you turn up in your flash car to fix her computer system and then saunter off home at three o'clock just because you can!

It sounds as though the Jobcentre woman has one or two communication and/or equality issues and is maybe in need of some awareness training - perhaps you could suggest this to the centre manager when you're feeling a little more composed. No matter what your disability, you shouldn't have to feel disadvantaged by it.

Have you contacted the National Autistic Society? They may be able to give you some practical help, and I notice they have a benefits advice line you may be able to talk to:

http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp? d=1560

Just a final thought - my son and I thought for a few years that he had Aspergers, although there was never an official diagnosis. My friend's son, a little younger, also had it and he was diagnosed. Turns out my son actually has OCD (different, but the symptoms are similar). He's now a very successful computer engineer. My friend's son has found his niche as a swimming instructor and fitness trainer and he's also doing brilliantly. You go for it, Patrick!

[rabbitygirl]

Patrick, like saxy-jag, my son, now 28, had problems. But getting an accurate diagnosis was difficult. They labelled him very clumsy and very left handed!! I assume now he would be called dyspraxic but am also sure other diagnoses would emerge.

He found life quite challenging but he had a bloody minded determination that what was holding him back wouldn't win. He credits teachers and me with encouraging him. I think he has underachieved in life but he is happy. He is very intelligent and his history knowledge is phenomenol.

Get and keep contact with those who offer the best help for you. Sometimes people advise you to the best of their ability. They may not always be wrong. But many can see your potential and will build your confidence. Never lose the belief in yourself that you can overcome these difficulties and have the success you see ahead of you.

If a good relationship with your mum is important, write her a note explaining how particularly anxious and upset you are and needing her support and encouragement. Perhaps show her your post here .....

Let us know how you progress Patrick.

[wolf63]

Patrick

You say that you study philosophy. Try and treat what happens to you in life philosophically and logically.

If you are claiming jobseekers allowance you are obliged to be actively seeking work. You may have given this woman the impression that you were not doing so. If this was the case then her answer (though perhaps not tactful) was the logical answer.

I use this method to understand situations that upset me or that I am unable to understand.

I also feel that I over analyse events and situations. Remember though that being intelligent can be great and help you get ahead, but it won't help you deal with difficult situations.

Go to your GP and get help with your aspergers, even if it is just a support group. You are young and bright and everything that you do increase your confidence will pay dividends in the long run.

Look at your behaviour at home too, I know that at 20 I was hell to live with. I fought all the time with my mother. Some of the time it was my fault and some of the time it was hers. It can't be much fun for her either.

When I was 20 - oh so long ago - I was also very upset at criticism. Remember that the person saying these things might not mean to be hurtful or what you perceive as an insult might be a thoughtless comment. Try and develop a thick skin - I did and it really helped. I realised that people on a whole just want to get on with each other.

Good luck for the future.

[MiniN]

Patrick, listen to what everyone on here has said. you sound a really intelligent, thoughtful person who has a lot to add to society.

that woman sounds like a complete ass and you should pity her for being narrow minded. she probably treats everyone with disrespect, not just you. its sad people who are in jobs to help other people can be rude and thoughtless.

work hard at your studies, don't ever give up. I'm 22 and getting a degree can help you achieve so much!

if you don't feel you can talk to the gp or your mum, write them a letter explaining how you feel. we all find it difficult from time to time explaining to people how we feel and writing it out will help.

let us know how its goes Patrick. theres always people who care about you and will help you make your situation better - you just need to ask for help.

good luck for the future.

[neo.]

Patrick, I was assessed for AS last year and very close to formal diagnosis. Was told I would have been formally diagnosed by every pshychiatrist in the world in my teens if people knew what they did now about the condition as I was very like Rainman. Now Im more like Hugh lawrie in House MD (except nicer person).

I get people putting me down all the time. People who feel the need to feed on others to make themselves look better. People with crappy qualifications who arent fit to lick my boots.

Ive learned from my research the last 18 months in to he condition that although people often see me as thick skinned,Im actually the exact opposite.....to quote Mercury Rising, Bruce Willis film about an autistic.....Bruce Willis to nurse...."so nothing gets through.." Nurse to Willis.."..no the exact opposite, ....everything gets through, thats the problem.."

Thats a bit like me. I have hypersensitivity to sound,light and what people say and do, change of environment etc. It causes great anxiety. As a result I tend to prefer to be alone. I snap at my parents and people at work when they try to make pointless small talk to me because it actually hurts my brain to respond to such smalltalk.

I think you should try to get your environment just right to suit you. get your qualification. Computer specialists can work in solitude which probably suits you. left to your own devices will probably make life easier for you, to avoid arguments which probably do your head in. People with AS tend to earn far less than everyone else, but have ability to be better than others at their specialist subject.Computer specialist make tons of cash so you have potential to go agaonst that trend and actually make more money than others......Go for it...and good luck