am I irresponsible

[Petal~flower]

My daughter wants to see a concert in London next week. From the start I said no, as it meant staying overnight.

This is long winded... but she has crazed me. She is going with 2 other friends, and they will be staying at one of the friends dads flat (he works in London during week) he will be present.

But all along I am concerned with her leaving the concert and getting back to the flat, they are all only just 16. Plus the fact she will loose 2 days from school.

I am a responsible parent, though am a bit of a control freak. I admit...

So I said no, even though I was crazed constantly. He dad (my ex husband) says its OK for her to go. So now she is, as to be honest, I sort of gave up reasoning.

I now feel like I am irresponsible, letting her go.

Sorry for the long post.

Any views please

[Ice.Maiden]

Well hey-ho Petal. I think you're a caring parent! I wouldn't want a 16 year old of mine to go wandering the streets of London at night. Funny though, because when I was that age, I even went off abroad with friends - Amsterdam's red light district being one of the places! I had a great time, but now i've got children of my own, I don't want them following in the footsteps of my wild youth! You can't wrap your children in cotton wool, but at the same time, you have every right to be concerned. I shall be the same as you when mine reach that age, and I don't care. I love my children too much to think of anything awful happening to them x

[Petal~flower]

hi Ice, thanks for replying

you sound very much like me. My daughter is lovely, and she brings up the fact that I went abroad when I was 17 etc etc. Yeah but I worked 2 jobs then.

I am just annoyed that her dad gave her the OK to go, even when I look after all the children full time, and he only does 4 nights a month.

I am concerned about her going. I feel I should of put my foot down more. But as we have this mother /daugher/friends relationship, I think she manipulated that in her favour.

She knows I am not happy. But she is still going. And I know I will be worrying like hell

[Ice.Maiden]

yes, until you know she's safely back to wherever, you WILL worry. So would I. Where abouts is this thing being held at?

[Petal~flower]

she is seeing her hero!!! Kate Nash at Hamersmith, so I guess it will be full of 16 year old girls.

[Ice.Maiden]

It will - but it's afterwards, isn't it? Has she got far to walk? Could she get a cab (not so easy, I know).
The thing is Petal - they don't see any danger at that age. Did WE? I certainly didn't, although I've always had this strong sense of self preservation. We all learnt to have plenty of confidence in ourselves at the schools I went to, for a start.
I'm afraid we're strict with our children. They have boundaries, and aren't allowed to overstep them, but obviously you have to weight up any particular situation and make allowances now and again.

[Petal~flower]

Ice, I have told them to get a taxi back to the parents flat. I told my ex husband as he is so keen for her to go, to ring the dad and talk to him. So far he has not done it, so I will ring tomorrow. That is one of my major gripes, that he gives permission, yet has no worry or concerns.

yes its the not seeing any danger bit, that they have which concerns me. I am a pessimist and tend to worry about the negatives.

I call it being a realist xx

[ELVIS68]

London does seem quite a daunting place to go at night but there`s so many people about late at night and especially after a concert, I`m sure she`ll be fine, you are no different than any other parent worrying about her welfare, the experience will do her good

[Ice.Maiden]

Hun - all I can say is, that obviously you want your daughter to have a good night out. I imagine that if she stays with her friends, she'll be fine. Tell her to ring you as soon as, and try to calmly point out to your ex. that you only worry because you care so much. No point in arguing with him, because some men DON'T seem to bother as much as us women, no matter how much they love their kids. I haven't got any daughters though, but knowing my husband as I do, I think he'd be worse than me in a way. He'd be completely protective of his "little girl" - which'd be lovely in a way, but I wouldn't like to be in any future boyfriend's shoes! Lol xx

[pastafreak]

When my my daughter went out to local clubbing nights for 16yr oldsI could never sleep til she was home.....her dad on the other hand,would be snoring away....even now-she lives in a shared student house in London.but when she visits,and goes out, I still worry!!

[Petal~flower]

Elvis, good point.

She has been to London before with her mates.

I guess I will just have to let her go now.

Her dad can ring the school with the excuse as to why she is not attending!!

Thanks for your reply :-)

[Ice.Maiden]

Awww...there you go you see, Petal. I think it's a mother's natural way to worry about her children.
Even so, I'm sure your daughter'll be just fine, and she'll talk your ears off about her night when she gets back home!

[Petal~flower]

hi Pasta

yeah, its us mums huh.... when i mentioned to ex, about all this, his response was... "if she is safe, she will be OK"

ummm........useful!

Thanks ice for all your input. Really lovely. Thank you xx

[sleepyj]

hi petal ...mums job to worry ...i would say no but at the end of the day its up to you to do what you think is right ,,x

[badboy78]

i find generally concerts to be safe places to go, and if remember rightly theres a tube station opposite the apollo. at 16 it is time for a little freedom as long as she's got her mobile phone and a tongue in her head she wil be fine.

[Chattirbank]

you appear to be a young and very irresponsible person.
you whinge about every god darn thing. your daughter
must be want a break from and your constant whinging
and trying everything to get away from you.
everyone on here have their own sad problems and
none come on here and blast it for the universe to see.
you should seek professional help asap.

[Petal~flower]

Thank you all for your helpful replies.

But not you Chattirbank.

I know who you are, and if you have a gripe with me. Then send me an email and get it off your chest.

You pathetic looser

[sleepyj]

chatt what a nasty thing to say ....no need to be so rude if you dont like what people ask on here f off loser .