Domestic Abuse

[Drisgirl]

In your opinion -do you perceive this as a 'chav' type incident or do you believe that it can indeed span all the social classes?

[snow.maiden]

In all walks of life hun, but the higher the rank, the less they say.
All one and the same to me. it happens, sadly. xxx

[Drisgirl]

Thanks both -just wondered as you know I was a victim -but feel less worthy somehow and I'm not a chav.

Maybe I just feel less worthy myself -who knows?

[~max~]

It happens everywhere, Dris, no matter what "social class" you're in.
My dad never beat my mum up as such, but he did hit her. And believe me, we were what you would consider "rich" nowadays.

[snow.maiden]

Don't you dare say that about yourself hun!!!! This is often the result after the sort of thing that happened. It makes YOU feel awful, when it shouldn't! xxxx

[loublou1971]

it has no class, if it happens once it could happen again. I deal with women who have suffered (not councelling but the financial side) and been moved away for there own safety, because for lot of them it never stopped.

[snow.maiden]

But she'll still feel crappy. I've seen it happen to people close to me. It's soul-destroying when it concerns someone you thought you could trust.
My long email went AWOL Dris - hope you got the 2nd pathetic attempt? I'll forward another just as soon as - xxx

[Drisgirl]

You are all right -my parents are coming to se me later and my brother is coming to support me on Monday and i feel so much better for telling them rather than posting here .However the support I have had from people has been tremendous -overwhelming in fact xxxxxxxx

No i seriously perceived it as a 'Jeremy Kyle' thing before -very wrong but im truthful.Still think its a bit manky to be honest.Think others do also.

(all i bloody need is voddie Dotty to come on and diss me!!!-well u have to take the rough with the smooth and she is rough --hey ho !!!)

[snow.maiden]

A few days on from now, you'll start to see your way hun. No point in making decisions while you're still up and down like you are. xxx

[Drisgirl]

Yip Icey -it is a rollercoaster -no fiu doing it on my own,

[cazzz1975]

Ive lived in a lot of refuges growing up and it spans all social classes, religions and creeds, people who abuse are all types of people.

[sense4all]

Abuse is the vehicle by which one person is trying to exhert some form of power ( in a non consensual way ) over someone else. There are loads of reasons behind it -from the perpetrator has some kind of chemical imbalance, to they feel impotent in some other area of their lives, or it's the fact that they spend all their time having other people agree and worship their choices ( 'cos they are paid too ) I live in one of the richest postcodes in the country - sweetheart it happens everywhere! irrespective of either class or wealth .
All you can do is find your own way to communicate to that person on the receiving end that you are avaliable if they need you.

It is possible to move on and be successful in your own right ... one of my very closest friends has been there - but don't necessarilly waste a lot of energy on seeking traditional justice - it might not happen to your satisfaction. The very best thing you can do is tell everyone - let them get over the shock ( forgive them their initial reactions in some cases! ) and have a happy and successful life on your own terms!

[Drisgirl]

Why thank you sense -that made a power of sense to me !

I have poken with my sister and she basically said the same as you -its a control issue and because I have changed MY life around he no longer feels he is controlling me and the only control he had left was strenght and that why this happened -caveman instinct.

He couldnt control me -he saw that I was in control of my lie and I had become a stronger more confident person and he didnt like it -it was patently obvious when people were commenting on how well I looked -it irritated him so the only thing he had left was as I said his strength.

Pitiful -hope he is lanquishing and refecting on the way HIS life is going -not mine.
Thank you for posting -it did make a lot of sense x

[haysi06]

Hi Dris, hope you are doing ok (((hugs)))

Domestic abuse cuts across all social classes; it is, as some people have already posted, about control and jealousy. I do hope that you are not badly hurt, and you should take assurance from doing the right thing by involving the police. Remember that its ok for you to feel scared but at the same time take strength from the support that you have.

Hxx

[tiggerblue10]

Hi Dris, sorry to hear about your suffering hun. Just to add to what others have said, its not a chav thing. A cousin of mine suffered domestic abuse for years and I wouldn't class her and her ex as chavs.

You may be feeling less worthy at the moment because of the events of the last few days, but remember that you are a human being with a s much feeling as any other on this planet. These feelings will pass and you will gather the strength to overcome it and regain your confidence. Good luck hun xxx

[bensmum]

Hi Dris
Glad to hear that you are beginning to talk to family. You have no need to feel ashamed but unfortunately victims do. It feels as if this is the sort of thing that happens to "chav" types but not to people like you. However domestic abuse is wrong whoever it happens to - no-one deserves it whatever sort of person they are and all are entitled to support. I had to take out an injunction against my former partner and my solicitor said that it was less likely that the more professional classes would complain as they felt that it was something that should be hidden but that domestic violence is common to all classes. Be strong.