wanna be a parent

[rocky_dude23]

is it wrong for me a 17 year old to want to be a father cause i dunno i know im young and that but i just see a baby and i just wanna be a father something to give my life a purpose and meaning i dunno i just think im thinking about this too soon but i can't help it i just wanna find someone i love like my soulmate and have a baby with them

[Segilla]

Yes, you *are* too young and immature by the sound of it.
Better to concentrate on somethng more sensible and achievable, such as learning to write decent English.

[redcrx]

reading your post last week i would suggest that you are not mature enough to be a father, that may not be what you want to hear though.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be a father, but a responsible person will realise when the timing is right for such an undertaking. There are not just cute and cuddly little dolls you know.

If you need a child to have a purpose to your life then you need to discover something to fill your life that isnt a child.

[rocky_dude23]

my english is fine so what i don't have to write perfect english this just the way i am, and i don't think i am immature lots of people have said im alot more mature for my age, and can i concentrate on there's nothing i wanna do there's no job that relli appeals to me at all the only thing thats keeping me going is that i wanna find someone i love

[rocky_dude23]

this post has nothing to do with my gf i was seeing this has just been on my mind for a while and like i've said i just wanna find someone to love and loves me for who i am and that so i can share my feelings, there is nothing to fill my life i keep thinking and thinking theres just nothing

[redcrx]

why not consider getting a job in childcare then? It will give you a small insight into what its like to have children and what they need.

saying you want somebody to love isnt a reason in itself for having a child.

[helliebobs]

I don't mean to sound patronising rocky, but you are so young, you have lots of fun ahead of you. Yes you can look for a girlfriend and someone to love, but no need to have a child just yet. They are a huge responsibility - you have them for a long time you know! I became a parent for the first time last year and I'm nearly 28 - I felt ready for it but one of the hardest things about it is that all your time is devoted to them, you have to put them first in everything before you can even think of yourself.
You sound like you are very caring and have a lot to offer, but go out and have your own life first!

[rocky_dude23]

i dunno, i know its not a reason but its 1 of the things id like to do eventually when i do find someone i love adn spend my life with

[redcrx]

"eventually" when you find someone to spend your life with, yes thats the right attitude!

Lots of young men know that theyd like to have children one day, theres nothing wrong with that at all, but it just shouldnt be the soul focus of your life at 17.

[McNoodle]

Wind up...

[rocky_dude23]

i understand all the sacrifises ud have to make when u have a child and yes ill admit i prob won't like tht but its the only thing i have to look forward to in my life in the future i just wanna fins my soul mate and have a kid bcoz at the moment i have nothing absolutely nothing ym gf has dumped me and she was the onyl good thing in my life and i just need something to keep me going something to looked forward to

[ChocolatChip]

It's the only thing in your life to look forward too?
You're 17! What about going out and getting drunk with your mates. Going to college. Getting a great job. Having lots of girlfriends.

[rocky_dude23]

yea i kno i have all that but thats not enough for me it doesn't make me happy or fill my life with hope

[ChocolatChip]

As a lot of people have told me in the past. This life is not a rehearshal, no second chances to live these minutes again.
So you should live your life to the full! Enjoy the time you have left while you're young. Otherwise, if you have a baby, you'll be craving them back.
And at least if you're bored of a party you can go home. You can't give a baby back at the end of the day.
But I agree with redcrx. Get a job in childcare.

[ChocolatChip]

Are you at college at the moment?
Think about that. college is the thing that will open all the doors for you. Able to live a fantastic life, and be able to provide the best things for a baby. At the moment, could you afford to look after a baby? Could you handle having to work and then come home and look after a baby?

[rocky_dude23]

no im not at college i used to i did mechanics but i didn't relli like it, i don't relli like many of the jobs thats available they don't appeal to me none of them do, yea i do understand u now i wud rather have a baby l8er on in my life but i just need something to keep me going

[redcrx]

a job will keep you going. If youve dropped out of college what do you intend on doing to support a family?

How would afford to feed and clothe a baby, buy the things youd like to buy for it, take it out to places, pay for a better education etc etc etc.

[ChocolatChip]

Well are you working at the moment?

[rocky_dude23]

yes im working at stupid homebase at the moment but i wanna find a better job sumthing tht wud appeal to me

[ChocolatChip]

Well, if you've never tried any of the jobs, then how do you know that you don't like them?
What is your dream job? What would you love to do in the future?
(the answer can't be a parent)

[andy-hughes]

I fully appreciate your need to find a meaning and direction for your life rocky, but i don't think an idealised notion of a partner and a baby will be what you need.

As has been pointed out, having a child is not a reward for passing a 'maturity' test. There are plenty of young couples, and even more single mums, who are seduced by seeing pretty babies pushed in prams in the sunshine.

Trust me, it is really not easy to create and care for a human being, it is a serious commitment, and financial security and a stable relationship - the two items you should have in place first - simply aleviate the basic difficulties involved.

I think the advice of a job in child care is very sound - you can find out how really suited you are to parenthood - it's not for everyone, and I do think that this notion that you have that it will make you fulfiflled is someting you have not throught through, and I know from experience that the reality is a long long way from the dream.

Concentrate on finding a job you enjoy, and a partner you can settle down wiith, and maybe then you can both look into the sommitment of a child - but don;t think it is a cure-all for your current feelings of rootlessness and misery - it is not.