Letter In The Telegraph Today.
News1 min ago
Confusion
9 Answers
Ok, here is the situation. I'm 19, a virgin, and just finishing my first year at Leeds Uni.
I feel like I'm missing out because i've not had sex/not having sex, but at the same time I don't want to just go sleep with anyone for the sake of it.
I like this guy I'm mates with, and I know he fancies me too, but he's got a bit of a reputation, and so if I slept with him it would be a one night kinda thing and I'm pretty sure thats not what I'm after..or is it? Would it be better to just do it with him,(seeing as I really fancy him and all) or would that be a silly thing to do seeing as Im likely to get attached and want more/get my heart broken...?
I really don't know what to do! If i wait around for somebody more committed then how long will I have to wait and where will I find said boy?
Genuine responses only please!
Thanks.
I feel like I'm missing out because i've not had sex/not having sex, but at the same time I don't want to just go sleep with anyone for the sake of it.
I like this guy I'm mates with, and I know he fancies me too, but he's got a bit of a reputation, and so if I slept with him it would be a one night kinda thing and I'm pretty sure thats not what I'm after..or is it? Would it be better to just do it with him,(seeing as I really fancy him and all) or would that be a silly thing to do seeing as Im likely to get attached and want more/get my heart broken...?
I really don't know what to do! If i wait around for somebody more committed then how long will I have to wait and where will I find said boy?
Genuine responses only please!
Thanks.
Answers
1 to 9 of 9
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by baremission. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
hey! Ultimately only you can decide what way you want to lose your virginity. You never know whats arund the corner but then again there might be nothing round the corner! Maybe the bloke you're thinking of would want more than a one night stand with you? You should definitely make sure you know where you stand with him before doing anything cos otherwise you're setting yourself up for a fall. Its a tough decision and I hope you make the right one! Sorry I cant help anymore than tht!
I would say wait for a while, you can only lose your virginity once, so much nicer to lose it to somebody you love than on the possibility of it purely being a one night stand with this bloke, maybe I am a bit old fashioned but I do believe it is better to make love than just have sex, there is a hell of a difference if you feel emotionally connected with the one you are with not just a quick jump, coffee and see you about sometime. you are not missing out, you are young and remember, lots of your friends will be exagerating about how experienced they are, not cool to say you haven't done "it" yet, be proud of the fact you are as you are, be happy and enjoy your life, plenty of time for complications, take care, Ray
I think the answer is where you say " you really fancy him, you're likely to get attached and he's got a bit of a reputation"
Sounds like trouble on a stick to me. I think you clearly know that.
On the other hand hanging on for some idealised "perfect match" is probably going to end in disappointment too.
Not easy I know but I'd suggest you try not to get too wound up about it, try and get out and meet some different people if you're stuck in the same old crowd.
Oh and remember most people's first time is not all roses and waves on the ocean, it's often rather clumsey and awkward. Like many things you actually get better at it with time
Sounds like trouble on a stick to me. I think you clearly know that.
On the other hand hanging on for some idealised "perfect match" is probably going to end in disappointment too.
Not easy I know but I'd suggest you try not to get too wound up about it, try and get out and meet some different people if you're stuck in the same old crowd.
Oh and remember most people's first time is not all roses and waves on the ocean, it's often rather clumsey and awkward. Like many things you actually get better at it with time
I do think there is sometimes a bit of a stigma with being a virgin which is really a bit rubbish.
The first time i had sex it was with someone that i knew but not to well and it was kind of a one of thing...all these years later i look back at it and think.."mmm..i shouldnt of been so hasty".
The thing with sex is that its not just the physical act of doing it but it also involves your mind too...and if thats not in it then its not nearly going to be half as good.
This bloke sounds very nice but you already know what he's after...and if a reputation proceeds someone they are very unlikely to change for you.
It all depends what you want from the situation...dont rush into anything and be comfortable with what you decide.
There will always be that special person worth waiting for but they always turn up when your least expecting it not when your looking for it.
...and don't expect fireworks the first time you do it!! Otherwise your out for dissapointment...good luck.x
The first time i had sex it was with someone that i knew but not to well and it was kind of a one of thing...all these years later i look back at it and think.."mmm..i shouldnt of been so hasty".
The thing with sex is that its not just the physical act of doing it but it also involves your mind too...and if thats not in it then its not nearly going to be half as good.
This bloke sounds very nice but you already know what he's after...and if a reputation proceeds someone they are very unlikely to change for you.
It all depends what you want from the situation...dont rush into anything and be comfortable with what you decide.
There will always be that special person worth waiting for but they always turn up when your least expecting it not when your looking for it.
...and don't expect fireworks the first time you do it!! Otherwise your out for dissapointment...good luck.x
like jake, I think you know the answer to this one already....
but... if it's bugging you being a virgin, and you really want to stop being one, then by all means try a one-night stand. You won't really enjoy it much (I shouldn't think) but it will get rid of your 'condition' and you may feel a bit less like you're the only one in town. However, I would not do that with someone you suspect you may fall for; do it with someone who means nothing to you but who you know to be reasonably gentle andpatient.
but... if it's bugging you being a virgin, and you really want to stop being one, then by all means try a one-night stand. You won't really enjoy it much (I shouldn't think) but it will get rid of your 'condition' and you may feel a bit less like you're the only one in town. However, I would not do that with someone you suspect you may fall for; do it with someone who means nothing to you but who you know to be reasonably gentle andpatient.
1 to 9 of 9
