ex husband trouble

[mooglet]

My daughter had to go to court because her husband wanted contact after a very painful split, he running of with another woman on x mas eve the month before the little one was born. The courts said that he should see her, and my daughter has obliged. Contact has been once a month, due to the fact that he has moved to Newcastle and my daughter lives in Bath. The little one is 2 and he has asked to see her for the Saturday and Sunday. Now. My daughter said it fine but not to take her to Newcastle or London, as thats where his mother lives, because she cant travel well, to that I am a witness, she sicks everywhere and becomes very distressesed even with travel chewy sweets. She also wont sleep without her mum, so overnight would be traumatic for her. I have tried to have her on the odd occasion but when she wakes, she cries and cries from mum. Be it wright or wrong, she has slept in the same bed with her since her birth as she has been alone. My daughter has said that until she is a little older and can talk better, ie tell you when she is scared a night, or going to be sick in the car, its best she stays local. Anyone of his family can come and see her, but need to stay and b and b in Bath until she is older. That way then can see her both days, just not over night. She is ok for short journeys. Now the problem is he is not a happy man, saying that my daughter is just being difficult. And if she does not let him have her for the weekend he will go to someone who will enforce this, meaning back to court i guess. My question to anyone who knows this. Can a court rule that she goes away over night, even if its stressful for the child? Does the mother have the final say, after all she lives with her 24/7. She is shy with the father and always moody when she comes back but he wont have it.

[bednobs]

TBH overnight sounds reasonable to me, after all bath isnt that far away from london. Perhaps he could fly her up to newwcastle, or they could meet somewhere in the middle?
At some point she will Have to stop sharing a bed so why cant it be now? It seems quite a good reasn/time to me.
Imagine the situation were reversed and the father had main custody - your daughter would probably think he was being awkward if she travelled all the wy up to newcastle, and then wsnt allowed to take the child further than the city, even if you lived close by and had to stay in a b and b

There is a reson he has asked for more contact, and i cant imagine its just to **** your daughter off

[bednobs]

also about the grnddaughter being shy with her dad - its not surprising if she only sees him one day a month

[happyjo]

The courts wil look at what is best for the little girl, and this means having two loving parents that both want an active role in her life. They should consider her age and understanding , but I suspect that the Courts will grant overnight contact, possibly every other weekend.

On the other hand, if he wishes to have an active role in her life, why did he move 400 miles to Newcastle?

Your daughter needs to be as accommodating as possible, what about allowing the ex to stay with them 1 saturday night a month, this will give dad some time with his daughter, but will stop mum fretting over her little girl???

I know it must be hard, seeing her ex after he treated her so badly, but their relationship is of no concern to the courts, so it might be better for your daughter to go that extra mile to sort this out without legal intervention.

j

[Soph20]

I think your daughter has been reasonable. She hasn't said no to this man, she has compromised. Obviously the father wants to see more of his child which is a good thing but it doesn't make it easy with him living so far away. I think the arrangement that has been made is fairly sensible at the moment. Until your daughters child is older then this man needs to accept he cant have her overnight in newcastle and if he wants to see more of her he needs to either move closer or when the child is a bit older mother and father need to both take turns in driving to newcastle, paying fuel etc.

[unhappychick]

This man sounds horrid, he left your daughter on christmas eve...im sorry but isnt xmas supposed to be about families?! He left his family for another woman and moved miles away, that was his choice, and I think your daughter has been more than reasonable, if anyone is unreasonable, its him, he sounds like a spoilt brat that wants everything to go his way, and throws his dummy out when things arent going to plan, he is putting his own feelings 1st instead of his childs, if the little un is used to being with mum all the time and sees this man once a month, im sorry but he must be like a stranger to her and to send a child off with someone who is a virtual stranger is not fair, especially if she will be distressed. I would front this man out and stick to my guns, your daughter is obviously putting her childs needs 1st, its a shame her ex isnt! He should try and build on the relationship him and his daughter have..if any? and then try and take it a step further, by staying overnight