Changing peoples perception of you

[karmgirl]

I am 20 years old and work in amin.

I've been working for the same company for a few years now and all that time I have never really spoken what I really think, I have always kept quiet or just agreed with people.

Now I want to be more assertive and stand up for myself more and voice my opinions and not be afraid to speak and say what I think but after all these years of not doing that, how can I now just suddenly change so drastically?

[4getmenot]

you cant thats who you are

[Octavius]

Do you mean, how can you change your personality so that you are more assertive? Or how will people respond?

[zabo]

one step at a time. then before you know it you'll be mouthing off everyone in the office. why do you now decide to become bold and brave?

[karmgirl]

I mean I am worried how other people will respond if they have been so used to me being a walk over and then suddenly I become more assertive.

[Rosetta]

They may be a bit surprised at first but they will soon adjust.
If they don't, hey ho who cares. It's their problem not yours.
Go for it!!!

[karmgirl]

ok thanks Rosetta. I don't know if I can be a bit braver but I want to try just worried that they will notice a difference in me and I don't want to be looked at as not genuine and authentic if you know what I mean.

[Rosetta]

What if they do notice a difference, we all change over time.
As for not being genuine, you will actually be more so as you will be true to yourself.
You seem to lack self confidence, would a more gradual approach feel more comfortable?

[andy-hughes]

Rather than arriving with a complete overnight personality transplant, why not start in little ways, and develop from there.

You can nod with conversational points you agree with, and maybe if you feel strongly, put an alternative view point into conversations when you don;t agree.

You will find that people will assimilate this change far more easily than you imagine - most people are too busy wondering what you think of them, to worry about how and if you have altered your input into conversation.

[karmgirl]

PMSL andy hughes - a complete personality transplant - yes thats what I was thinking it might look like lol

I will have to be gradual.

grrr I'm so fed up of being feeble me I jsut wish I could lcick my fingers and I would be who I want to be. I find it difficult being myself too. I am only truly myself with my family.

[zabo]

no offence meant Karmgirl but i think you are suffering with a complex which is quite common with many.

[puddicat]

karmgirl have you ever thought of confidence hypnotherapy?it worked wonders on a colleague of mine,he sounded very similar to you,go and look for a good hypnotherapist most of them deal with confidence issues good luck!!!

[karmgirl]

Puddicat - yes I have thought of it, will look into it just wondering how much it costs though. I have a feeling it wont be cheap.

[tigerlily11]

Go ahead and make ur changes now.
I have spent 34 years trying to fit in. I tried keeping quiet, voicing an opinion, making alternitive suggestions only to have other people take the credit for it and getting the blame when things go wrong. I have been harsh, rude or just plain stubborn.
I have resigned myself to being some one that people would rather avoid. But thats just life. Some are the centre of attention with out trying and others will always be sidelined.
I hope for u that u prove not to be the latter.
Don't end up one of the voiceless few.

[karmgirl]

Hi tigerlily,

I want to make the changes and be more assertive, confident and able to express opinions and be myself but its so difficult.

I'm too scared to say what I really think.

But I'm even more scared of not being able to be myself - I don't want to pretend that I agree with someone when I don't or that I think being called a greedy pig by my boss is acceptable when its not.

[tigerlily11]

No Karm thats not exceptable for your boss to be saying such things.
I think it is time for u to stand up for your rights to work in a nice enviroment with pleasent people.
You don't have to be rude about it. You don't have to change who u are. All you have to do is speak up.
Saying what u feel is being yourself. Your not chnanging yourself by doing it.
But what you will be doing is making a statement about the fact that you will not be treated in such a way just because he is your boss.
If he threatens to fire you tell him if he does you will take him to the cleaners for unfair dismissle.
You have the right to be treated fairly and if he can't do that then he doesn't deserve to have good people like you working for him, so if needs must go over his head and complain.
Above all don't be scared.

[karmgirl]

thanks tigerlily. I keep needing people telling me this cus it gives me courage xxx

[karmgirl]

well nows the time to change noknowledge.

I'm surprised you feel that way over talking to people over the internet.

It's only dealing with 'real' people face to face that I find difficult.

But then again sometimes if its someone I like on here I will just agree with them when I don' agree so I suppose I know what you mean

[CAJ1]

Just remember there is a fine line between assertiveness and rudeness karmgirl! I got in trouble over my assertiveness but its their fault for sending me on an assertiveness course! Start by saying no to tea making lol x

[karmgirl]

lol CAJ

already tried suggesting that everyone could share the tea making or just make their own but boss said that others are busier than me so I have to do it. Its true the others are busier than me but not so busy they can't make a drink! anyway, I have just accepted the tea making as part of my job now be it right or wrong :S x