should I dissmiss this

[jjaammeess]

Hi My ex wife(who is very pushy) and I were at a graduating cerem.ony for my son.There then was a queue for the photographs.My ex wife was with my son and I was further back in the queue,By the time I got to the front of the queue the main photographs were taken.I felt very hurt and angry at not seeing my son having his
photos taken.I cant think straight so I am asking for some thoughts on this and how you would feel in this situation.Answers much appreciated James

[Paul22118]

If it was me I would have been before her in the queue. But that is me not you.
Under these circs you need to confide in your son and deal with the pic situation that way.

Good luck. You sound well shot.

[andy-hughes]

I am curious as to why your ex-wife was further forward in the queue than you - if she 'pushed', maybe you could have simply gone with her and your son?

That is academic now - the moment is passed, and I understand your frustration.

However, you will gain nothing by dwelling on this situation. It is done, and nothing is going to change what has happened.

Turn your attention to the positive aspects of the day - your pride in your son and the enjoyment of seeing his hard work rewarded.

Look forward to the finished photos, and don't allow your ex's bad manners upset you any further - it simply isn't worth the grief you will give yourself - and that's the important point here - only you will suffer if you don't put this to rest

[gina32]

i know its not the same but how about booking a photographer yourself and getting some done of you and your son in his graduating regalia and stufff?

[jjaammeess]

hi These answers are all so helpful.In a divorced situation I think fairness is the keynote and to be sidelined is very angry provoking easpecially when you know your ex wife is the perpetrator.I must add that I was eventually in the photos but I missed seeing the ones of him alone.
For Andy the reason I was further back was she had pushed herself in furthur up and I refused to go along with her
Raggy---Its very hard to be chilled in these situations.Idread to imagine what will happen when he gets married

[~write~path~]

I wouldn't have pushed in with her either - rude cow!!

Is your son aware of her doing this?

I can understand your anger and hurt at not seeing the photos taken of him alone but you must not let it get to you - for your own good. Easier said than done, of course!

If I were you (unless you're a 37 year old female, slightly neurotic then you are not me - so take this with a pinch of salt if necessary) I'd really try to not dwell on it OR on the future occasion of your son's wedding/any other gathering.

If appropriate, I'd speak to your son about the photo thing - but don't (in his eyes) make a big thing out of it.

She sounds like a pain in the ass as an ex.

[funnygirl]

I would have been hurt and it is not a nice thing to do.

Surely, your son should have insisted you were there.

But still you can always get them done again, make an appoiontment and get everybody you want there for the picture.

Two of my sons graduated and their pictures take pride of place in my living room and we are all in the pictures.

[Panic Button]

Sounds like you are well shot of her.

Get a copy of the pictures for yourself, and forget it. At least you didn't have to stand next to her in the queue.

Forgive me, but what is significant about seeing the photo being taken?

[jjaammeess]

panic button I would like to have been involved in the actual photo session right from the start.and that youare part of it

[KRUSTYMAN]

I'm with 'funnygirl' on this if your son is mature enough and intelligent enough to graduate then he should have had the sense to insist you were in the picture. Unfortunately the deed is done and theres no point in crying over spilt milk but you really should sit down with your son and explain to him how hurt you are.

[jjaammeess]

hi thank you all so much and to answerbank ----it really has eased my mind greatly----JAMES

[muppeteer]

congratulate yourself for not making a big deal about it & for putting your son first. it would have put a taint on his day if there had been a scene. it is hard for young adults who's parents have divorced because you have a relationship with both parents & no matter what you do will put somone out. i would imagine he has part of his mind on making sure things stay civil instead of fully enjoying the day.
really dont worry- you did a good thing & keep it up!

[sara3]

your ex was, at least, thoughtless. it's a shame you missed part of the photo scenario but it's done now and you are the bigger person for rising above this. as suggested, you could get more pics done for yourself and not involve the ex. when you separate it can be difficult to "go it alone" but sometimes it has to be done and it is part of moving on.

but now you have to let it go. holding onto bitterness is unhealthy for everyone, and try not to let your son feel guilty. he is probably torn between his parents and may find himself stuck in the middle of your issues, esp if the ex is into low point-scoring.

chin up.. you're moving on!