What a Dilemma!

[icemaiden]

There seems to be a lot of people in this particular part of AB, so hopefully people will help me with my dilemma.

One of my good friends is getting married next year, which is fab and i'm really pleased, but....I really reallly hate weddings, to the point at which I would say it could be a phobia, (if that exists).

She knows this but she still insists on me coming and she has asked my 8 year old daughter to be flowergirl. (which she eagerly agreed to)

It's not till April 2009 but I'm already having hot sweats and palpitations over it. What would you do in this situation? How can I get out of going without hurting her feelings?

I will read all your answers and will try to reply but don't think I have ran off if you don't hear from me, it's just that I am at work....Tut Tut!

[snagged]

Just curious... what do you hate about weddings?

[icemaiden]

Snagged, thats a tough question. I really can't say what it is.
I'm absolutely fine in social circumstances, love meeting new people and I like churches. But you mention wedding and I just freak.

Maybe I need to see a therapist.

[funnygirl]

What about hypnotherapy??

This may calm you down and allay any fears you may have of weddings.

[lajohn]

facing your fear is one way of combating them.
what is so bad about weddings that make you hate it so much? it's only for a couple hours and you might have a good time. why not face your fear.

or just tell her how you feel. unless there's a gun at your head, no one can make you do what you don't want to do.

[mumof3angels]

This might be a silly question but are you married icemaiden?

[snagged]

Are you married icemaiden?

[icemaiden]

your right lajohn..I know she can't make me go but I feel I will let her down if I don't.

I have thought about hypno funnygirl but to be honest I really can't afford it.

[M-A-T-R-I-X]

i agree with lajohn. face your fears, make your mate happy, make your little girl happy. you might even enjoy it!!

[icemaiden]

No I am not married. I'm in a long term relationship, but I have never had the desire to marry. Ever.

[helliebobs]

She'll probably feel worse than you icemaiden, I don't mean to sound harsh but no one will be looking at you if that's what you're worried about, all eyes will be on here and that is very nervewracking!!!!

[mumof3angels]

If she's a really close friend(which I presume she must be to ask your daughter to be flower girl), then I think you'll really regret it if you don't go. What about if you see your gp and explain to them how you feel. They might be able to put you in touch with someone who can help.

[icemaiden]

And she will look gorgeous helliebobs...I'm not worried about people looking at me, and I'm fine in other social gatherings, it's just weddings.

[M-A-T-R-I-X]

Gamophabia is the fear of weddings

[icemaiden]

mumof3angels......Thats a good idea...but will he think I'm a bit weird?

[Octavius]

I think it may be bordering on selfish vanity, turning this wedding day into being about you. It depends on how good a friend she is, but if its enough then you should feel capable of either grinning and bearing it, or telling her that you won�t go.

Plenty of time to try and overcome whatever angst you have about weddings, but if you are already getting sweaty about it and centring the day around your feelings, then it might just be as well to tell her you �don�t do wedding�s' and see how she takes it.

[icemaiden]

So it does exist....I will look that up M-A-T-R-I-X thank you

[mumof3angels]

I doubt it. If MATRIX is right and your phobia has got a name then surely you can see the doctor about it, as obviously you're not the only one that suffers from it. I'd give it a try- what have you got to lose. Bet your daughter would be chuffed to bits.

[Octavius]

I thought gamo-wotsit was a fear of getting married, not going to a wedding.

[lajohn]

i think you should go for the sake of your daughter. i'm sure you don't want her growing up with fears like you, or do you? this is a beautiful experience for her, don't deprive her of it.

[whiffey]

You really *must* try to articulate what it is about weddings in particular that so frightens you? Is it the sense of formality and occasion, do you fear losing control and looking foolish? Are there other life situations that you avoid? Are you ok in lifts? on the underground? on buses?