Meeting pregnant friend tonight

[karmgirl]

I am meeting my pregnant friend tonight for a drink. Unsure how I am going to feel if she talks about pregnancy. I want her to talk about pregnancy though - I don't want her to feel she shouldn't be talking about it to me. At the same time though I don't know if I should explain how I still feel upset about my abortion or just not say anything. I think I should probably share how I feel to get it in the open rather than bottle up and have a right go at her one day. But, if I tell her I don't want her to feel I am a hinderance and that she can't talk about it or be happy for herself.

[Rosetta]

Karmgirl, I remember from your thread yesterday that you have had some counselling in the past but weren't keen to try it again. Please reconsider, You need to talk to a professional about your feelings to help you get some resolution and peace. At the moment it seems to be absorbing a lot of your thoughts.
Talk to your GP who will know what services are available in your area.
Good luck

[redcrx]

Karmgirl,

SOunds like you are really trying to get things sorted now before they destroy your friendships.

How about trying to write down how you feel and then asking your friend to read it?

[karmgirl]

Yes I need to get it sorted redcrx - I don't have hardly any friends at the moment but if I want to try and get some and keep them I have to deal with the fact that they are going to have babies. So I need to be able to cope with this.

thanks xx

[Octavius]

The first sentence of my first answer is a reflection of a married couple who are (were) close friends. They found out (3 years ago) they could never have children after trying for several years and, naturally, were devastated. Anyway, as time went on �the group� started to produce offspring themselves and hold subsequent parties/dinners etc as is par for the course. We always invited them and always they declined as it would be too upsetting for them to see all the children running around playing.

Whilst I sympathise, I have a child, as do many of my friends and there isn�t much we can do for them when these social occasions arise. But it has got to the point that we no longer really consider them for our parties and events as we are just leaving them to deal with their emotions. Effectively they are shutting themselves away from dealing with, what sadly will be, a lifelong and recurring situation. We have tried to help and have �no children� occasions etc., but even then feel that mentioning children is a subject to avoid. This isn�t good for them, nor us really as it hinders natural conversation and enjoyment. (People with children talk alot about their children) But effectively they have isolated themselves from anyone with kids, and their social circle, rather than make an attempts to come to terms with their situation. Their social circle is dwindling and eventually will be virtually non-existent.

You need to try to avoid falling into this cyclical trap, by getting over your emotions and let your friends be naturally conversant around you whilst remaining sensitive to your feelings.

[karmgirl]

Yep I so understand a lot better now that I do need some help still to overcome my feelings because I really do realise now that people are going to have babies and if I want friends (which I do) I'm going to have to accept this and learn to deal with my feelings. I'm going to talk to a counsellor about it again. I don't like counselling but I have found talking does help so thats what they do isn't it. I don't want to end up a loner. Thanks Oct xxx

[Rosetta]

Good karmgirl, I really think you would benefit from some more counselling.