hubby left! What do i do now, single mum??

[sheribeee]

Me and my hubby split for good this morning, wont go into all the ins and outs, but its over! Im gutted!!
No way of going back, and im so scared im alone!!
Im 28 (was my birthday yesterday!!) good looking, but i been with my hubby since iwas 16! Not a clue how to live alone, let alone bring up 2 girls (5 and 8)
I have depression and anxiety, take meds for them, but i dont kno how i will cope! HELP!!!

[helliebobs]

Sympathies for you sheribeee, the simple answer is you just get on with it, those girls need you and you need to be strong! You're not the first single mum and you won't be the last, you'll be fine, see it as a new chapter in your life.
Have you got family nearby? Friends? Everyone will pitch in.
Take care.

[puddicat]

Hi sheri, were you the lady that found something in ure bedroom that wasnt ures?

[Rosetta]

Oh Sheribee, thats awful for you. Have you any family or friends nearby that can give you some support?

[sheribeee]

Yeah i found a stocking in my living room that wasnt mine x but i do believe him that he never cheated, tho it is still at the back of my mind!!
No we split for other erasons too.
I have no family, they all 150 miles away, my mum passed away and i dont see my dad. I got few friends, as they all his friend, have 2 women our kids r all in same class, so we help each other out with looking after them and doing dance class runs etc.. I actually dont have anyone nearby i can call on if i need help, which makes me feel very alone!
So i have no childcare really, so cant get out and meet new people, and well very isolated as i dont drive!

[chelle7272]

Sheribee I'm so sorry to hear your news. Helliebobs is right though, you may feel lost now but things will come together for you.
I was in a similar position when I moved to where I am now, all friends were his, don't drive etc. I took my son to lots of activities and signed up to a place near me where they did training with a creche and met loads of people. i joined a lot of activities within my community and from that I have made such good friends. That was 10 years ago and I don't regret the hard times because it got me where I am now and U've never been happier.

I know it seems difficult, I was lucky there was alot going on where I live, but have a look what is about where you live. You might be surprised because you haven't been looking before?

You'll be as strong as you need to be for your kids and that will help you through. And you can always come on here and let out your troubles and frustrations. I'm quite new but there seems to be plenty of support here.

Take Care and let us know how you're getting on.

M x

[MiniN]

Sheribee, I've not been in your position before but I have also been with my partner since I was 16 and I've tried to think how I would feel if we split up = lost

I guess you have to relearn everything because not only are you single but you have 2 girls to look after. but I'm sure you can do it. i know its such an overused saying but just take each day at a time. it may feel like a huge up hill battle but it won't be. you and your girls are a team. not only are you their rock but they will be yours.

do you work? could you get support from any colleagues? what about taking up a part time course? or if you don't work, why not get a part time job to meet people?

would you consider moving back to be closer to your family for support? or do you have a bro/sis/aunt/uncle, anyone you are close to that you could ask to come and stay with you for a while until you get on your feet again?

we are all here for you and you won't be alone in this.

[Rosetta]

Give yourself a bit of time, its obviously very raw now. As MiniN says take one day at a time. As your girls are school age there are possibilities for you, but you need a bit of time to heal first.
Remember ,you ARE strong, you can cope.

[sheribeee]

I just feel so broken! Like a lost little girl, so much to do, and think about!
I have nobody and im very alone now, i really dont kno how i will cope

[anderlee]

do you have an organisation called 'gingerbread' near you?? they are for single parent families. talk to help groups about depression etc

best thing is to got to work/college, meet people, earn your own money, boost your confidence. you dont n eed a man and in a few years time you'll know it wasnt as bad as you first thought. good luck x

[daisycup]

Ah, I do feel for you. It's never easy when a relationship breaks down. But I am a firm believer in fate. Things happen for a reason. It might not seem like a good reason at the moment but give it time. Something good is round that corner for you.

My boyfriend finished it with me 1.5 years ago. I was deeply upset as he lived with me and I loved him dearly. You feel so lonely.... for 8 months I wasn't interested in meeting anyone new and got stuck in a rut. But you have to push yourself. Join activities, clubs to meet different people. I'm 30 and I would love a family and sometimes wondered if it would happen for me. I joined a few dating sights and went on dates.. also speed dating but once I stopped looking I found someone at work.

Be strong for your 2 girls... and give it time. It only happened this morning and you've been with eachother so long that its going to take time to adpart.

Is there no chance that you will work it out and give it another go? Take care

[MiniN]

are you able to take your girls on a short break soon? so you can go away and figure things out and also to have some fun.

you will cope hun, i know it may feel like the world has crumbled around you but you have your two girls to look after and they will help you get through this.

your not alone. you can always come on here to seek advice and comfort.

you're still really young and you need to see this as an opportunity to sort out your life and make a life that you are happy and proud of.

[pinkbunny]

Hey hun, sorry to hear your bad news, I have been a single parent to my two girls for almost a year now we dont see their dad because a court order prevents him from having contact due to him being horrendously violent.
At first I was gutted just like you I didnt know how I was going to cope all alone with my girls one is six and the other is six months we fled to a refuge when I was pregnant. But honestly now I am happy to be a single parent my girls need me and always come first but now its not so bad. I just please myself and my girls and dont have the stresses of having a partner.
It is hard to begin with but I promise you it does get easier as time goes on and you settle into a new routine. I wish you all the happiness and luck for the future but it may feel like the end of the world now but time does make it seem better, all the best x x

[chattykathy]

I'm really sorry to hear your news. Go to www.deardenise.com which gives very good advice on relationship problems. Also Relate will see you & help

I think MiniN's advice is good - take a short break with the girls - they will be suffering too I should think - make sure hubby pays!!!

Good luck
xx

[sheribeee]

i have had a difficult day today, even tho this has been coming for 3 weeks now, even tho i knew the end would come its harder than i thought!
have idea how i will survive on the pennies i get from income support, i want to get a job asap!! Hate the thought of being on benefit!!
Thanks everyone for ur support, i really appreciate it!

[lil123]

HI Sheribeee
You will find the strength to get through this.
I was in a refuge 18mths ago in a city I knew NO ONE. Now I have a lovely 3 bed house, a full time job and have just met a lovely lovely man.
You can do it and yes its hard at times but it will all come good if you keep working at it I am proff of that x

[sheribeee]

i love him so much! But our relationship is beyond saving now! He came round this eve and said he wanted to try, but i kno in my heart thats wrong, for everyone!
Its over and i kno there is no going back, no matter how much it hurts, its killing me, but we need to move on! And i hate that!!

[unhappychick]

I have been in your situation, and at 1st its a huge shock and you think to yourself, how the hell my gonna do this, but I promise you will manage despite how hard it seems in the beginning, you will become a stronger person, financially you will be able to juggle everything, and believe me it is a juggling act, but you will survive...you have to, for your children...I remember your last post about the stocking etc, and am saddened to here the outcome (even though it wasnt over that), but I promise you, you will get through this, the strength is in you somewhere, you just have to find it, and you will!!! Dont feel alone, thats horrible for anyone, if ever you want to talk I am more than happy to give you my email address x

[Rosetta]

Sheribee, how are you doing this morning?

[kassiopeia]

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a horrible time. It brought tears to my eyes as I remember that feeling!

It's so nice to see everyones kind and caring comments.

Things will get better, however hard that seems to believe right now! Go to your doctor and tell them what's going on. They may want to change your meds for a while or send you for counselling to help you cope. They could also put you in touch with your health visitor who have a better idea of resources in your area.

Remember you're grieving as it's just like a bereavement. Unfortunately when it happened to me I also had just lost my mum. Blackest days of my life. Couldn't see any future at all. Couldn't even see as far as the next day! In the end I tried hypnotherapy (a good one will give you discount if you are on benefits) even though I wasn't quite sure if I believed in it I gave it a try and I'm so glad I did.

After coming through it you will be strong enough to face anything!!

Take care xx