Feeling in doubt

[unhappychick]

Me and my fella have been together for 8 months, we have had some issues to deal with and got through them, however there are a few things I am feeling uneasy about. I knew he still had pics of his old girlfriend who he dumped for me on his phone, he kept saying he would delete them and this morning I asked him if he had done it yet, he said he hadnt got round to it, so I said, well do it now then....he said I will do it but im not gonna do it when you demand as I always let you get your own way, I said well its not right that after all this time you still have them on your phone, I said I wouldnt care if he had packets of photos with her and him in them as I have pics of my ex's, but I said that having them on a mobile is more personal and that I found it uneccessary, he eventually deleted them. Also I know that an ex from many years ago still texts him known again to see how he is etc, and to be honest im getting a bit fed up with it now, I know he is entitled to friends of the opposite sex, but he has had an intimate relationship with her in the past, she is now married, but she still feels the need to keep texting him asking him about his personal life etc...am I wrong to be getting irritated by it? and is it fair that they still do this? Im just feeling insecure by it all

[Ethel]

You've only been with him 8 months - you shouldn't really be making demands about what he has on his phone. It is his phone and frankly, none of your business.

Was he two timing his ex with you?

[Scarlett]

I think you need to loosen up a bit here. It may irritate you, but he has chosen to be with you. If you nag him and make him do things he is not really comfortable with, like deleting pics from his phone, he will probably soon get fed up with you too. Let's face it, if he is still hung up on his ex, he will still have those feelings whether or not there are pictures on his phone. I think your post says more about you than it does him. Try and cool off a bit, and he, I'm sure, will come running. You must trust him. If he is not trustworthy then he is not worth being with. He will have more respect for you if you allow him a bit more freedom.

[Beanmistriss]

I love my bloke to bits and have been together for nearly 7 years. I still keep in touch with my ex boyfriend now and again. I met up with him for a drink when I went home last year, I called him to let him know when my granny died. My bloke doesn't have a problem with it but I can assure you that if he did I'd make sure he understood that it was his problem and he'd have to deal with it.

I think you're behaviour will push him away. If you trust him, then trust him. If you don't, after only 8 months, then you may as well end it now cos you're setting you both up for a lifetime of misery. Harsh? Maybe. But true.

[Eve]

The way I see it is that if someone has been a significant part of someone's life then it's unfair to demand they cut contact.

I still get on very well with a number of exes as have boyfriends of mine got on well with some of their exes and I've never had a problem, there's never been anything to be jealous of as it was all innocent, just people who get on well keeping in touch.

I met my most recent fella's ex wife a number of times including dinner, me and my partner, her and hers and with their mutual friends and I had no problem with them meeting up for lunch every now and again and texting about stuff.

They were together 10 years, that's a large part of their life spent together and I'd never expect him to just cut her out of his life, if anything I admire the fact they still get on. He naturally has loads of pictures of them from when they were together. His past and memories didn't start when he met you.

I am in touch with exes (have even happily lived with three as friends after having split up previously) and like hearing how they are doing as I want them to be happy, as them for me, nothing in it at all, just wanting to keep in touch with a friend I happened to have a relationship with at some point.

[tigwig]

I can imagine how you feel unhappychick I think I would be the same. I don't think you've anything to worry about but it would bug me too. You could always play him at his own game and text some of your ex's and see how he feels!
Trust is the issue here a relationship must have it to succeed and I'm not sure you entirely trust him. I think you need to have a talk with him and tell him calmly how it makes you feel, I mean if everything is great with you both why does he have to keep in touch with an ex? Is he doing it to keep you on your toes or is there something missing between the 2 of you. You should be the priority so if it makes you feel insecure he should cut down on the contact and explain why he has to respond to her in the first place.

[Velvetee]

Unhappychick, sorry to say, but to me, it seems like you are rather possessive of your newish man and this sort of thing will only sever to drive a wedge between you.

I was with my ex for 8 years and we still keep in loose contact, I went to his brother's funeral a few months ago too. I still classify him as a friend and that is all there is to it.

My current partner still has photos on his computer of an ex and initially it did irritate me, but then I had to be grown up and appreciate we all have a past and may choose not to write off previous partners or completely erase every trace of them.

Your partner is with you because he wants to be. Perhaps you feel a little insecure because as he left his ex for you, maybe deep down, you feel if he's done it to someone else, he could do it to you too.

[obNOXious]

As a man if you'd demanded that I delete the pics from MY phone, I'd have done so when hell froze over. The quickest and easiest way to send a man packing back to his ex is to come over all needy, paranoid and bent out of shape about casual contact contact with ex's, so if i were you I'd do myself a favour and try to be more relaxed about it all.
People ar the end of the day will always do as they please, if he's going to cheat on you he'll do so with or wothout pics of ex on his phone, but being demanding and irritating to be with will surely make him think twice about your suitability as a life partner.

[Ethel]

I hope Tigwig isn't being serious in her reply.

You texting your ex as a sort of revenge is a very nasty game that can only backfire on you..

If you trust him, let him be himself and don't force him to do anything.
If you don't trust him leave.

It seems to me you are not mature enough for a relationship if you feel so threatened by something that doesn't impact on your life with him at all, except in your head.

[unhappychick]

Firstly I would like to point out that I didnt demand anything, I told him that I didnt like the pics on there and asked how he would feel if I had pics of my ex on my phone, he said he wouldnt like it, he also said he would hate it if I were texting an ex every so often....so I would like to know what gives him the right to do something that he wouldnt like done to him?

Christ, the other week I told him I felt unwell, so didnt want him to come over that night...I then got a phonecall from him half an hour later with him telling me he was suspicious!!!

We were both in unhappy relationships and left our ex's for eachother....maybe thats where the insecurities creeps in on both parts?

Also, I am not possesive in the slightest, just feel uncomfortable with a few things, and I think if it were you in the same boat, you wouldnt really like it much either.

Im afriad it does become my business when it affects me, and to be honest, the only person I agree with on her is tigwig. A relationship is supposed to be about 2 people, not having 3rd parties hanging around sticking there noses in every so often, no wonder there are so many divorces/break ups nowadays, im really not suprised with peoples attitudes

[obNOXious]

truthfully sweetheart, your response is rude to all of the people who have given their time to you, to answer your question honestly. If you don't want people's honest opinions then don't post your problems on a public message board.
From what you originally posted, you seemed insecure and needy and that was reflected in the answers you got I'm afraid.

[cazzz1975]

A friend of mine did this, he and his gf left their partners for each other, they had trust problems all the time and have now separated

[Beanmistriss]

So you posted the question just to hear people agree with you? Thats totally the point of answerbank. And the people who's relationships are most likely to break up are the ones where people think there should only be the two of them and they should drop everyone they ever knew in the past. "You shouldn't talk to other girls or I will scweem and scweem" etc, etc. Good luck lovely, I think you're going to need it :)

[tigwig]

Glad you agree with me unhappychick! I know when I first met my now husband I was very jealous and insecure but I always trusted him. We were both the same really and we did dump our friends for each other as we didn't want to see anyone else apart from each other though admittedly they weren't very good friends! We have been together now for 14 years and have always 'lived in each others pockets' and it hasn't done us any harm.
I think communication is the key, you are probably right that about you both being insecure but as time goes on that will disappear. If your fella has said he wouldn't like it if it were you texting an ex then he shouldn't do the same!
Keep talking and I hope you get through it.

[Scarlett]

Sorry you didn't like our replies, but we are only basing our answers on your question. Your question states that you asked him (again) if he had deleted the photos yet. He said no. You said "do it now then". I think this is the key. Read back on this question in 3 years time and you will see that we were right!